Spread your wings and fly away

Not!!! But I already knew that lol!!

This has to be seen, it brings tears to the eyes!

A man was lying on a blanket at the beach

He had no arms or legs.

Three women were walking past and felt sorry for
the poor man.

The first woman said "Have you ever had a hug"

The man said "No", so she gave him a hug and walked on.

The second woman said "Have you ever had a kiss".

The man said "No", so she gave him a kiss and walked on.

The third woman walked over to him, knelt down and whispered in his
ear,

"Have you ever been F****d?

The fellow looked up in amazement and said "No"

The woman smiled and said "You will be when the tide comes in."

A woman went into a bar in Newfoundland and saw a Mountie with his
Feet

propped up on a table. He had the biggest boots she'd ever seen. She
asked him if was true what they say about men with big feet. The
Mountie grinned and said, "Sure is, little lady. Why don't you Come

over to the barracks and let me prove it to you?"
The woman wanted to find out for herself, so she spent the night with
Him.

The next morning she handed him a $100 bill.
Blushing, he said, "Well, thanks, ma'am. I'm real flattered. Nobody
Ever

paid me for my services before."
"Don't be flattered...take the money and buy yourself boots that fit"

TRICK R' TREAT

An old couple who hadn't celebrated Halloween
in a long time decided to Dress up and go out.

The old woman went into her bedroom, stripped naked
and tied a lemon Between her legs.

When she came out, the old man
cried,

"You can't go out like That!"

She said, "I can go anyway I like and so can you."

Whereupon he retired to the bedroom and came
out stark raving naked with a
Potato tied to his tallywhacker.

The old woman says, you're going out like
that?"

and he replies,
"Yep, if you can go as a Sour-puss, I can go as a dick-tator."

that he is going to be 15 in exactly a weeks time I will scream!

My eldest will be lucky to see the age 15 at this rate, I am premenstrual . I am not in the mood He is seriously getting on my nervs!!!!!!!!

going to go and open a bottle of wine!!!

Nicked from Cartlionel who nicked it from Subbie

NOW
Is your hair up?: no.
Is your phone right beside you?: Yes because I have just tried to get hold of someone!
Do you have a bf/gf?: no I am married
Do you wish you were somewhere else?: No not at the moment
Do you have plans for tonight?: Cook tea then do some stitching.
Are you wearing makeup?: yes
Are you wearing chapstick?: no.
Are you cold?: no.
Are you tired?: yes.
Are you excited?: no
Are you watching t.v.?: No though it is on in the background as eldest child is watching it
Are you wearing pjs?: No I have just got home from work!
Who's the last person you IMed?: haven't
Who's the last person that called you?: A colleague from work

PAST
Anything you regret?: Life is too short for regrets so no
Ever lied?: No
Ever stuck gum under a desk?: No
Ever spit at someone?: No
Ever kick something living?: Only by accident
Ever had your nails done?: I did once
Ever thrown up because you cried so hard?: no

LAST WEEK
Had any plans last week?: No just to chill
Who did you see most last week?: My children
Was last week interesting?: Not really

TODAY
Have you cussed?: No
Have you yelled at someone?: No but did have to raise voice slightly to a child that was being incredibly silly
Have you gotten mad at someone?: No but it is still early
Have you cried?: Not had time
Have you called more than 3 people?: No I have been working
Have you IMed more than 3 people?: No not had time
Have you eaten anything gross?: No not yet but it is still early!

SPILL YOUR GUTS
Q: First thing you did this morning?
A: went to the loo

Q: Last thing you ate?
A: A chicken sandwich

Q: What's something you look forward to most in the next 6 weeks?
A: Nothing only Christmas shopping

Q: What's annoying you right now?
A: Nothing at the moment

Q: What's the last movie you saw?
A: Hoodwinked

Q: Do you believe in long distance relationships?
A: For some ppl they work not sure it would for me

Q: Where is the last place you went?
A: work

Q: Who is the last person you called?
A: My husband

Q: Been cheated on?
A: No

Q: Do you think that someone is thinking about you right now?
A: Of course, someone thinks about me all the time somewhere in the world

Q: Choose one to have (love, beauty, creativity)?
A: love

Q: Do you wish on stars?
A: Used to don't have time now

Q: Does it work?
A: No

Q: Do you untie your shoes every time you take them off?
A: No.

Q: When did you last cry?
A: About a month ago

Q: Do you like your handwriting?
A: No,

Q: Are you a friendly person?
A: Yes

Q: Are you keeping a secret from the world?
A: isn’t everyone?

Q: Who's bed did you sleep in last night?
A: Mine.

Q: What color shirt are you wearing?
A: White

Q: Do you have any pets?
A: two dogs, 3 birds, several tropical fish

Q: What is the color of your bedsheets?
A: Burgundy and pink

Q: What were you doing at 9 last night?
A: x stitching

Q: Last person you talked to in person?
A: Hubby

Q: When is the last time you saw your dad?:
A: 12 years ago

Q: Look to your left.
A: table

Q: Ever cried yourself to sleep?
A: yes

Q: Ever cried on your friends shoulder?
A: no

Q: Song that makes you cry?
A: Everybody hurts by REM

Q: Are you a normally happy person?
A: Yes.

Q: Is your self-esteem low?
A: mostly

Q: What color are your eyes?
A: blue

Q: Long or Short Hair?
A: medium shoulder length

Q: Current Music?
A: Evanescence

To log into my site.

Everytime I go to reply I get asked to log in.

Everytime I go to write it askes me to log in.

I went to the help section to ask why, it wouldn't let me post unless I logged in, which I duly did to be told I didn't exist.

What the hell is going on with blog.co.uk now?

Check out this site it is really great! Find out everything you need to know about your birth date

http://www.paulsadowski.com/BirthData.asp

25 April 1966
Your date of conception was on or about 2 August 1965 which was a Monday.(mmmm I was born two weeks late)

You were born on a Monday
under the astrological sign Taurus.
Your Life path number is 6.

Life Path Compatibility:
You are most compatible with those with the Life Path numbers 3, 6 & 9.
You should get along well with those with the Life Path numbers 2, 4, 8, 11 & 22.
You are least compatible with those with the Life Path numbers 1, 5 & 7.

The Julian calendar date of your birth is 2439240.5.
The golden number for 1966 is 10.
The epact number for 1966 is 8.
The year 1966 was not a leap year.

Your birthday falls into the Chinese year beginning 1/21/1966 and ending 2/8/1967.
You were born in the Chinese year of the Horse.

Your Native American Zodiac sign is Beaver; your plant is Wild Clover.

You were born in the Egyptian month of Epipy, the third month of the season of Shomu (Harvest).

Your date of birth on the Hebrew calendar is 5 Iyyar 5726.
Or if you were born after sundown then the date is 6 Iyyar 5726.

The Mayan Calendar long count date of your birthday is 12.17.12.11.16 which is
12 baktun 17 katun 12 tun 11 uinal 16 kin

The Hijra (Islamic Calendar) date of your birth is Monday, 4 Muharram 1386 (1386-1-4).

The date of Easter on your birth year was Sunday, 10 April 1966.
The date of Orthodox Easter on your birth year was Sunday, 10 April 1966.
The date of Ash Wednesday (the first day of Lent) on your birth year was Wednesday 23 February 1966.
The date of Whitsun (Pentecost Sunday) in the year of your birth was Sunday 29 May 1966.
The date of Whisuntide in the year of your birth was Sunday 5 June 1966.
The date of Rosh Hashanah in the year of your birth was Thursday, 15 September 1966.
The date of Passover in the year of your birth was Tuesday, 5 April 1966.
The date of Mardi Gras on your birth year was Tuesday 22 February 1966.

As of 10/31/2006 2:59:42 AM EST
You are 40 years old.
You are 486 months old.
You are 2,114 weeks old.
You are 14,799 days old.
You are 355,178 hours old.
You are 21,310,739 minutes old.
You are 1,278,644,382 seconds old.

Celebrities who share your birthday:
Jacob Underwood (1980) Jason Lee (1970) Ren‚e Zellweger (1969)
Hank Azaria (1964) Talia Shire (1946) Stu Cook (1945)
Bj”rn Ulvaeus (1945) Al Pacino (1940) Meadowlark Lemon (1932)
Paul Mazursky (1930) Ella Fitzgerald (1918) Edward R. Murrow (1908)

Top songs of 1966
I'm a Believer by Monkees The Ballad of the Green Berets by S/Sgt. Barry Sadler
Winchester Cathedral by New Vaudeville Band Soul and Inspiration by Righteous Brothers
Monday, Monday by The Mama's & the Papa's We Can Work It Out by Beatles
Summer In the City by Lovin' Spoonful Cherish by Association
You Can't Hurry Love by Supremes Wild Thing by Troggs

Your age is the equivalent of a dog that is 5.79217221135029 years old. (You're still chasing cats!)

There are 176 days till your next birthday
on which your cake will have 41 candles.

Those 41 candles produce 41 BTUs,
or 10,332 calories of heat (that's only 10.3320 food Calories!) .
You can boil 4.69 US ounces of water with that many candles.

In 1966 there were approximately 3.7 million births in the US.
In 1966 the US population was approximately 179,323,175 people, 50.6 persons per square mile.
In 1966 in the US there were approximately 1,800,000 marriages (9.3%) and 479,000 divorces (2.5%)
In 1966 in the US there were approximately 1,712,000 deaths (9.5 per 1000)
In the US a new person is born approximately every 8 seconds.
In the US one person dies approximately every 12 seconds.

In 1966 the population of Australia was approximately 11,704,843.
In 1966 there were approximately 223,731 births in Australia.
In 1966 in Australia there were approximately 96,061 marriages and 9,859 divorces.
In 1966 in Australia there were approximately 103,929 deaths.

Your birthstone is Diamond

The Mystical properties of Diamond

Diamonds are said to increase personal clarity to help one see things clearly as well as be straight-forward and honest. Supposedly, the higher quality the diamond, the better it is supports these qualities.
Some lists consider these stones to be your birthstone. (Birthstone lists come from Jewelers, Tibet, Ayurvedic Indian medicine, and other sources)

Opal, Quartz, White Sapphire

Your birth tree is

Walnut Tree, the Passion
Unrelenting, strange and full of contrasts, often egoistic, aggressive, noble, broad horizon, unexpected reactions, spontaneous, unlimited ambition, no flexibility, difficult and uncommon partner, not always liked but often admired, ingenious strategist, very jealous and passionate, no compromises.

There are 55 days till Christmas 2006!
There are 68 days till Orthodox Christmas!

The moon's phase on the day you were
born was waxing crescent.

Tuesday already.

So far I have got up, showered, prepared tonights tea and got that going in the slow cooker (sausage casserole) made two lots of sandwiches and one snack bowl (which is for youngest child as he has choir practice after school), popped to Tesco to get some drinks to go in packed lunches (why did I forget to get some when I went shopping), had breakfast now quickly catching up before I dash out of the door.

I am exhausted already!

Very windy out though the sun is trying to shine. Autumnal feel to the air outside this morning. Wide awake at 4am again which is not good, I even went to bed at 11pm last night in the hope it would help, but no it didn't. Oh well eventually body will realise it can have an extra hour, it hasn't adjusted yet lol!

Have a good day everyone.

"Borrowed" from Kizlode who borrowed it from Nanny Og who borrowed it from Westwing who borrowed it from Subville.

A - Available: No
A - Age: 40
A – Art genre: Classical

B - Best feature: I am told my eyes and personality.
B - Bike: Never had one, never been on one but love harleys.
B - Birthday: 25th April
B - Book: Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen.

C - Crush: Nigel
C - Car: I have a Vauxhall Vectra
C - Comedian: Hmm not many I do like or laugh at really.

D - Day or night: Depends on what I am doing - Day mostly
D - Dream Car: Haven't got a dream car
D - Dogs or Cats: Dogs, they are more loveable

E - Egg nog: Yuck!!!!!!!!!
E - E-mail: So much easier than remembering to write a letter, still write letters occasionally though, email is quicker to get news to ppl.
E - Eggs: Poched or scrambled

F - Favourite colour: Red or Black
F - Favourite Band: Bon Jovi, Metallica
G - Gummy Bears or Worms: Yuck!!

H - Hair: mouse brown with blonde highlights
H - Height: 5'5
H - Happy: Majority of the time

I - Instrument: I can play the clarinet
I - Idol: Don't really have one

J - Jewellery: A cross that Nig bought me, My wedding, engagement and eternity rings, pair of earrings my youngest picked out, necklace from eldest son, grandads watch - these are the special ones though I have quite a few earrings.
J - Job: Teaching Assistant
J - Jail: No never

K - Kids: 2 boys

L - Longest car ride: Edgware to Aberystwyth
L - Last kiss: Nig this morning
L - Local: Don’t have one
L - Lyrics: 'And nothing else matters' by Metallica mean a lot to me

M - Milk flavour: Milk
M - Most missed memory: If I could remember then it wouldn’t be a missed memory, would it?
M - Movie last watched: Cat on a Hot tin Roof

N - Number of Siblings: 1 Sister
N - Nickname: Faffa, Faffajane, Kitten

O - One wish: To be healthy and happy
O - One regret: I don't believe in regrets, life is too short for regrets

P - Part of your appearance you love: Ha very funny - I don't love myself half the time so how can I love my appearance?
P - Pets: 2 dogs, 1 canary, 2 finches several tropical fish

Q - Quick or Slow?: Never Quick savour the moment

R - Reason to smile: My husband and 2 kids
R - Reality TV Show: Should be banned

S - Song Last Heard: I wish I was a punk rocker by Sandie Thom just played on the radio
S - Silver or Gold: Gold though depends on what mood I am in

T - Time you woke up: 4am when hubbys phone went off GRRRRRR!!
T - Time for bed: Usually about 10-11 ish
T - Ticklish: Try not to be

U - Unpredictable: According to my son yes
U - Underwear: Always. preferably good old marks and sparks cotton underwear

V - Vegetable you hate: I like all vegetables
V - Vacation spot: Wales though had a great time in Florida

W- Worst habit: Picking the skin round my nails
W- Where are you going to travel: Want to take hubby to Australia to see his family

X - X-Ray: Back, kidneys,

Y - Yellow: my school blouse

Z - Zodiac Sign: Taurus

Here are six reasons why you should think before you speak - the last
one is great! Have you ever spoken and wished that you could
immediately take the words
back... or that you could crawl into a
hole?
Here are the Testimonials of a few people who did....

FIRST TESTIMONY:
I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and
asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a
shampoo and a blow job?"
I turned around and walked back out and never went back.
My husband didn't say a word... he knew better.

SECOND TESTIMONY:
I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was
unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for
several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen
who works at the store.
He asked if he could help me.
Without thinking, I looked at him and said, "I think I like playing with
men's balls"

THIRD TESTIMONY:
My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a
variety of candy and nuts.
As we were looking at the display case,
the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, "No,
I'm just looking at your nuts." My sister
started to laugh hysterically.
The boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away. To this day, my
sister has never let me forget.

FOURTH TESTIMONY:
While in line at the bank one afternoon,
my toddler decided to release some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was
finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust
and annoyance from other patrons.
I told her that if she did not start behaving
"right now" she would be punished.
To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as
threatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I
will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!"
The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange.
Even the tellers stopped what they were doing.
I mustered up the last of my dignity and
walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard
when the door closed behind me, were
screams of laughter.

FIFTH TESTIMONY:
Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My
three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was
on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch,
in between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room. While
enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course I
checked my seven-month-old daughter, she was clean. The realized that
Danny had not asked to go potty in a
while. I asked him if he needed to go, and he said "No". I kept
thinking
"Oh Lord, that child has had an accident,
and I don't have any clothes with me."
Then I said, "Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?" "No," he
replied.
I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was
getting worse.
Soooooo, I asked one more time, "Danny did you have an accident ? This
time he jumped up, yanked down his
pants, bent over, spread his cheeks and yelled "SEE MOM, IT'S JUST
FARTS!!"

While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing, he
calmly pulled up his pants and sat down. An
old couple made me feel better, thanking me for the best laugh they'd
ever
had!

LAST BUT NOT LEAST TESTIMONY:
This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very
embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think
before she speaks. What happens when you predict snow but don't get
any! We had a female news anchor that, the day after it was supposed to
have snowed and didn't, turned to the
weatherman and asked:
"So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?"
Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too they
were
laughing so hard!

Now, didn't that feel good?

Weekend, came out of SIL house on Saturday evening and fell down a step just outside her door, jarring my back. I didn't see the step as it was dark and she hadn't put the light on! (oh and I was sober)

Total agony all weekend, still no better this morning, debating do I go into work or not?

Don't really want to go back at all. It is going to be an interesting day either way.

Strange dreams last night. Me and an old school friend ( who I haven't seen since I left school) travel by car to see another friend of mine as she has to give him something for his wife (weird thing is she in reality doesn't know my other friend). So walk from the car to a huge field (looks more like a football pitch) where friend is waiting for groundworkers to turn up to cut the grass. He has no shirt on, just pair of torn jeans. We talk he is obviously in a bad mood as we argue, she gives him the present for his wife. He says he is going home now and starts walking off.
We start to walk away then see him at a bus stop talking to another woman he is now dressed in a suit. Offer him a lift home and this woman who he is talking to. We walk towards the car, but cannot find it as we are not going the same route as we did before. After endless searching we eventually come to a street La'Morna Avenue and we start to walk down it. At the end there are some stairs, some going up which are quite wide and made of concrete, yet we choose to go down some rusty iron steps that lead down into a big hole (the type you always see in films as they enter sewers) yet it wasn't a sewer, it was a car park. So we go down the steps, as we step on them they start to come away from the wall ..................
At which point I wake up

Oh well better get a move on and head out of the door to see what is in store for me today!

Have a good one!

Click on the link below to take your eye test! If you can't make out
one, just guess.

http://www.myschool.com/SWF/ColorBlind2.swf

Dark, cold.........

Yes as I type this it is dark outside. I got up nice and early and made hubby a cup of tea, not because I wanted to but because it was necessary to check how much he had in his account so I can transfer some money over into the Household account later!

I have to go into town this morning. Car tax is due, bills need to be paid, joy to the world and all that! I hate the end of the month, so much money comes out of the account in one feel swoop in direct debits before we even start!

Annoyed to find that eldest child didn't wash up last night either and has left coursework to the last minute again. Kitchen full of pots and pans and coursework all over the table - at least he got to bed at a reasonable time though which is better, only because I made him go!

Oh well better get a move on or town will be packed!!

Dark, cold.........

Yes as I type this it is dark outside. I got up nice and early and made hubby a cup of tea, not because I wanted to but because it was necessary to check how much he had in his account so I can transfer some money over into the Household account later!

I have to go into town this morning. Car tax is due, bills need to be paid, joy to the world and all that! I hate the end of the month, so much money comes out of the account in one feel swoop in direct debits before we even start!

Annoyed to find that eldest child didn't wash up last night either and has left coursework to the last minute again. Kitchen full of pots and pans and coursework all over the table - at least he got to bed at a reasonable time though which is better, only because I made him go!

Oh well better get a move on or town will be packed!!

It has been a successful day.

I have cleared 4 baskets of ironing and made a shepherd's pie for tea which was delicious. However beginning to get worried, Nig hasn't returned from work yet or answered my texts, not like him to let me know what is happening! Hopefully he has just been caught in traffic or is doing a private job!

Kids are busy revising their christmas lists (again), too much time on their hands.

Not done any exercise today which is not good. Raining hard outside, not really walking weather, and can't get to my stepper as Nig has planted a big box of heavy rubbish in it and I can't move it!!

Well off to do some stitching now.

Not so nerdy but apparently not cool either!

Like I didn't already know that

It is raining absolutely bucketing down!

The only reason I did manage to emerge from my warm comfortable bed was because my mother phoned.

Hubby moaning this morning that it was cold. He says the bathroom is an icebox! Asked him if that was a hint for me to put the heating on, he says "Thought it was on!" Then " why isn't it"

To be honest because apart from the freezing bathroom and hallway, it isn't that cold in the house. The hallway and bathroom are always cold they are on the end of the house next to open fields and woods so yes it will feel cold. Hopefully once we get the cavity wall insulation installed then it won't feel so cold! I am holding off putting the heating on for the moment mainly because once it does go on I always come down with a cold. i layer up and am encouraging the kids to do so as well, though Nig is a pain, he will insist upon wearing t shirts then complaining about how cold he is
/.

Today I will try and do some ironing, it is piling up now and really needs to be done. That is my job for today then back to the sewing!

( On September 17, 1994, Alabama's Heather Whitestone was selected as Miss America 1995.)

Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?

Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever,"

--Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.

.....................................................................

"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff."

--Mariah Carey

....................................................................

"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life,"

--Brooke Shields, during an interview to become Spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign.

.....................................................................

"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body,"

--Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.
.....................................................................

"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country,"

--Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC.

.....................................................................

"I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president."
--Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of subpoenaed documents. (No, she wasn't hiding anything.)

.....................................................................

"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it,"

--A congressional candidate in Texas.
.....................................................................

"Half this game is ninety percent mental."

--Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark
.....................................................................

"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."

--Al Gore, Vice President
.....................................................................

"I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix

--Dan Quayle

................................................................................................

"We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?"
--Lee Iacocca

.....................................................................

"The word "genius" isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein." -

--Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst.

.....................................................................

"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people

--Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instrutor.

.....................................................................

"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."
--Bill Clinton, President (Ex)

.....................................................................

"We are ready for an unforeseen event that may or may not occur."

--Al Gore,
.....................................................................

"Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas."

--Keppel Enderbery
.....................................................................

"Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances."

--Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina

.....................................................................

"If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record."

--Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman

.....................................................................Feeling smarter yet?

Send it on to your brilliant friends.

I just did!! I Think----

To My Dear Wife:

You will surely understand that I have certain needs that you, being 54 years old, can no longer satisfy. I am very happy with you and I value you as a good wife. Therefore, after reading this letter, I hope that you will not wrongly interpret the fact that I will be spending the evening with my 18 year-old secretary at the Comfort Inn Hotel. Please don't be upset - I shall be home before midnight."

When the man came home late that night, he found the following letter on the dining room table:

"My Dear Husband,

I received your letter and thank you for your honesty about my being 54 years old. I would like to take this opportunity to remind you that you are also 54 years old. As you know, I am a math teacher at our local college. I would like to inform you that while you read this, I will be at the Hotel Fiesta with Michael, one of my students, who is also the assistant tennis coach. He is young, virile, and like your secretary, is 18 years old.

As a successful businessman who has an excellent knowledge of math, you will understand that we are in the same situation, although with one small difference: 18 goes into 54 a lot more times than 54 goes into 18.

Therefore, I will not be home until sometime tomorrow."

Subville posted this and it looks interesting.....

When you are in a monogamous relationship, what constitutes cheating?

Confiding in a Friend of the Opposite Sex

The Man's Opinion: Talk all you want.
The Woman's Opinion: This is emotional cheating.
Me: Sometimes to get someone elses opionion on things is quite good. Know when to stop, know when you can say too much and make sure it isn't a friend ofyour hubby or wife that isn't good!

Dancing Closely

The Man's Opinion: Get your hands off my girl.
The Woman's Opinion: Watch who you're touching.
Me: Nice dancer! but I am married and I am going home to my hubby now thank you.

Flirting

The Man's Opinion: It's all in good fun.
The Woman's Opinion: Know when to draw the line.
Me: Know when to draw the line.

Going to Strip Clubs

The Man's Opinion: Honey, this is what guys do!
The Woman's Opinion: You can look but do not touch.
Me: Look but don't touch.

Cyber Sex

The Man's Opinion: I like the real thing.
The Woman's Opinion: Not only is it cheating, it's also pathetic.
Me: Pathetic

Watching Porn

The Man's Opinion: It's a guy thing.
The Woman's Opinion: Have fun.
Me: Oh great some new films to watch, shall I open the wine?

Engaging in a Sexual Act

The Man's Opinion: Don't even think about it.
The Woman's Opinion: Don't even think about it.
Me: Don’t even think about it.

What's your opinion?

Live each day as if it is your last.

Enjoy it to the full

There is one thing we can all gauarantee about life, we will end up dead!

Said it was depressing!

After a cold, grey, damp morning, the sun is now shining and it is really quite warm out. Doesn't seeing the sun shine make you feel better?

Armed with mp3 player and layered up, I walked the 25mins to Homebase for those bin bags then decided on the way back to pop into Sainsburys for some veg to roast for tonights tea. Hubby and kids have something quick on Tuesdays and Thursdays (which he usually cooks) as they have their Martial Arts class, so I am going to do myself roasted veg with a jacket potato.

All in all my walk took about 45 minutes. The sun shone, ppl were smiling (though that may have something to do with me singing along to my MP3 player) and the walk, though along a busy main road was quite pleasant. I have to admit half way round I did regret my decision as my calf muscles were really hurting, but I persevered.

It is on days like today I wish I lived nearer the sea. To walk along the beach with the sea breeze around me and the sun shining is heaven. Of course if the weather had been this promising this morning I would have chucked the kids in the car and done the 2 hour drive to Hunstanton or Flexistowe (both within equal distance to me) and we would have had our walk along the beach, but alas with the torrential rain that started this morning it was not to be

Never mind there is always tomorrow.

Wallowed in bed under the duvet till about ten, which is when I decided to drag myself from out of the covers - was feeling hungry!

Decided to do some Pilates, 1 gold star for me!

Yesterday stitched from noon till 11 last night constantly apart from the 2 hours I took off to cook some tea and eat it. Got to the part of stitching where you backstitch some details in - takes forever to follow but the head now has details and I have begun to stitch the background.

Crap on telly - childrens telly is even worse, got to the point where I banned my youngest from watching Power Rangers - I swear if I heard that tune one more time I would scream! Watched two episodes of Charmed, 1 of Boston Legal then the film Practical Magic - watchable seen it several times but I just love Aidan Quinn in this film, his voice is so sexy.

Oh well I have to walk down to Homebase now and get some bin bags as we seem to have run out of them again!

I did do some exercise.

I went for a nice brisk walk to the local shops to post a letter, and then to pop into Tesco for some inspiration for tonights tea. Whilst in there I saw these cute little pots of hummous, yummy. So now I am sitting here with some chopped up carrots, celery, tomatoes, radish and cucumber and dipping it all into the hummous before I eat - wonderful!

We (youngest and I) walked the long way home from the shops so I am feeling a little virtuous at the moment lol!

Dusting

"A house becomes a home when you can write
"I love you" on the furniture."

I can't tell you how many countless hours
that I have spent CLEANING!

I used to spend at least 8 hours every weekend
making sure things were just perfect --
"in case someone came over"
Then I realized one day that no-one came over;
they were all out living life and having fun!

Now, when people visit, I find no need to
explain the "condition" of my home.
They are more interested in hearing about
the things I've been doing while I was
away living life and having fun.
If you haven't figured this out yet,
please heed this advice.

Life is short. Enjoy it!
Dust if you must,
but wouldn't it be better to
paint a picture or write a letter,
bake a cake or

plant a seed,
ponder the difference between want and need?

Dust if you must, but there's not much time,
with rivers to swim and mountains to climb,
music to hear and books to read,
friends to cherish and life to lead.

Dust if you must, but the world's out

there with the sun in your eyes,
the wind in your hair, a flutter of snow,
a shower of rain.
This day will not come around again.

Dust if you must, but bear in mind,
old age will come and it's not kind.
And when you go -- and go you must --
you, yourself will make more dust!

Share this with all the wonderful people in your life!
I JUST DID.

It's not what you gather, but what you scatter
that tells what kind of life you have lived.

There was I in the land of nod, lovely dream when I was awoken sharply by a cursing husband because he was late for work and there is a pile up on the motorway again!

Like the dutiful wife I am, I mumbled as I came down the stairs, half asleep to head for the kitchen to make him a cup of much needed tea.

Half term and I should be tucked up in bed!

Am I appreciated for it? NO he came downstairs still going on aboujt incompetent ppl who drive cars like idiots causing accidents, great start to anyones morning!

Feel wide awake now and marvelling in the few quiet moments. That time when you get to yourself before the kids descend! They are both sound asleep - bless.

Didn't get to bed until 11.30 last night. Yes I was stitching all that time only taking a break for something to eat. Dragons head is done only have to outline it now and then I can start on the wing - slowly it is beginning to come together - thank you for your kind comments.

I love Cross stitching. I find it very therapeutic and relaxing. While stitching I can hold a conversation, or watch telly, or just contemplate on my day,life or what needs to be done. Only problem is I tend to lose track of time, hence what is a late night for me! the other thing about Cross stitching that I love is that I don't eat. This is a major thing for me, not having a snack or searching the cupboards for snacks as I am engrossed in my task.

So plans for today include taking son round to a friends house - his friend is 15 today so Simon promised to spend the day with him which means he will be wound up by this evening. His friend is a worrier. He has a tendency to want to be the first one to do everything as well. His parents spoil him, whenever there is something new that comes out on the market they will buy it for him, and he will boast to Simon about it. Simon might get it eventually but we tend to buy things for Christmas and Birthdays, any other time they have to save their money and buy it themselves if they want it. He drives Simon up the wall and it is clearly obvious that he needs Simon more than Simon needs him, but they have been friends since they were 4 years old so Simon feels obliged to keep it up.

I also plan to do some exercise today, though in what form I Haven't made up my mind yet - may go for a walk depends on the weather still have the youngest child to drag with me. Then I will do more stitching in between coming on here lol!

Signing off for now to get some sewing done. Here is the work in progress so far so that you know what I am going on about.

I want to get the dragons head finished today and outlined so that I can then concentrate on the wings and the wizard.

See you all later.

Done my exercise for today.

Walked to Sainsburys.

We had run out of bread and a few other essential items. Also Simons friend was supposed to be coming today as well, a fussy eater at the best of times so thought I would go and get some Chicken Nuggets for their tea.

So trek to Sainsburys with youngest in tow.

Shopping list:
Cucumber,
Cream (to go with strawberries later)
bread (ordinary and WW)
radish
chicken coujons

Came back with all of that plus
1 packet of assorted crisps
1 packet of halloween cakes
oh and 1 moaning child because we walked instead of going by car.

Couldn't take car, Nig has it to go to football in!

Hardly anything on the shelves at all so no doubt will have to go out again tomorrow. Came home to find that Simons friend is not coming round at all (grrrrr) and so I now have 2 packs of fresh chicken nuggets (BOGOF) to get through. I have a WW shepherds pie and fresh veg - I am trying to lose weight afterall!!

Came home, unpacked and Simon has made me a lovely cup of tea. Bliss.

Just got home in time by the looks of it as well, it is now pouring with rain outside!

All on a Sunday Morning.

This morning got hubby to change our bed. You would have thought I asked him to fly to the moon and back with the fuss he was making. I just have got them the way I like it, he says.
Tough says I, I hate dirty sheets, they haven't been changed in 10 days, they need changing.

told the kids to do theirs as well.

No problem with Simon. Richard though is having a fit because he can't get his sheet on his bed.

It would help if he wasn't kneeling on it then it would fit on the corner of the bed. Try to help him but he is getting more and more frustrated, I am getting increasingly angre.

Nigel takes over. I head for the bathroom for my shower.

I can hear Nigel and Richard having an argument. why? Nigel has just found a ton of homework Richard has been hiding from us and guess what - it hasn't been done!

Not a good move.

Simon and I keeping well out of the way until Richard then decides to start picking on his brother and calling him names and kicking his bedroom door.

WW3 now resumes and shatters the peace of our little street.

Nigel leaves me to go to football - bless grrrrr.

I come down here, shouting at them to stop it, get Richard down here to do his homework.

Log on.

Half of the ppl I need to reply to I am sorry I haven't, for some reason it won't let me click on the comments so that I can do just that - comment.

Some of the pages only have one post on.

Ah Blog land up to tricks again.

Need to calm down, get some caffeine inside me and sit and sew I think.

As I sign off for the evening I thought I would share another couple of photos with you all. There is something about a man in a leather suit

And here is one for the men

Have a good evening and enjoy!

There is a police helicopter flying overhead.

Obviously they are searching the woods behind us for something/someone.

It is so low it made the house shake.

Is it really that necessary I ask! It is pitch black they have no lights on what the hell are they going to see?

I huffed and I puffed

I grunted and groaned

but it would not budge

i couldn't get all that leather gear on.

it would not move

No amount of trying would get it past my hips.

i can't get into my cat woman suit.

So you will have to make do with this

My favourite book of all time - Pride and Prejudice.

Having seen the BBC version and the film, and watched both too many times to count (with a lot of groaning from family). I love this picture of Matthew MacFadyen in the picture below. Not the most handsomest of Darcy but he portrayed a shyness and vulnerability which I found most appealing. Then there is the Colin Firth one where he comes out of that lake - probably the first one that made my stomach turn over - like seeing a first love.

Then of course there is Martin Henderson from Bride and Prejudice the Bollywood remake - gorgeous eyes but didn't quite do it for me as a Mr Darcy.

Of course there have been many other Mr. Darcy's over the years - Laurence Olivier, fantastic actor and a joy to watch giving the character a little arrogance with grace, David Rintoul - very aughty throughout the production, never softening even at the end.

So out of interest who is your favourite?

Now I am going to do my hoovering!

"Am I really the only person in this house that can clean the bloody toilet - look at the state of it!" I shout out in exasperation afterall it has only been a couple of days since I last did it. You see the only place in my house that gets done on a regular basis is my toilet and kitchen.

"Not my job" says eldest son.

"Who's is it then" I growl back "after all it isn't as though You are the greatest aimer in the world is it"

Think son realised his mistake then, he said it was his father's job!!

Says it all.

For once that is me!

Popped into town this morning, sorted out some bills made sure there was enough money in the account to cover the mortgage etc etc. Looked round the shops for some inspiration for Christmas, got none so came home again!

Went to Homebase for some cleaning materials. Decided with a fit of energy to clean windows upstairs - something I usually only do with water and a little vinegar, but where the dogs noses had been knew that this wouldn't be enough. Also wanted to look at the Christmas trees, our one is getting old and takes up too much room, not much there so just came home with some Mr Muscle, some cloths (mine have had it) and a colour chart for the hallway.

Cleaned bathroom. Not just bath, basin and toilet, but the tiles and window and all the other niggly bits that don't usually get seen. Simon kindly hoovered upstairs for me and the stairs and we both washed the bathroom floor. All windows upstairs got a good clean on the inside, unfortunately I can't do outside as I can't lean out due to back problems, so Nigel will have to do that later

Tidy upstairs looks like a bomb has hit downstairs!

HAve to set to and do that now!

See you later!!

I had just taken a mouthful of tea when I saw this - needless to say it went everywhere!

Enjoy!

A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at
the next table. He has been checking her
out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her.

Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket toward the man.

He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back.

"Oh my, I am so sorry," the woman says as
she pops her eye back in place.

"Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you," she says.

They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they go to the theater followed by drinks. They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest dreams and he shares his. She listens.

After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap and stay for breakfast.

They had a wonderful, wonderful time.

The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy is amazed. Everything had been SO incredible!

"You know," he said, "you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?"

"No," she replies. . . ..

Wait for it. .

It's coming. .

The suspense is killing you, isn't it?

She says:

"You just happened to catch my eye."

Apples & Wine

Women are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the
tree. Most men don't want to reach for the good ones because they are
afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they sometimes take the
apples from the ground that aren't as good, but easy. The apples at the
top think something is wrong with them, when in reality, they're
amazing. They just have to wait for the right man to come along, the one
who is brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree.

Now Men.... Men are like a fine wine. They begin as grapes, and it's up
to women to stomp the sh*t out of them until they turn into something
acceptable to have dinner with.

A South American scientist from Argentina, after a lengthy study, has
discovered that people with insufficient brain and sexual activity read
their e-mail with their hand on the mouse.

Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late

Just trying to catch up after not being on here for a couple of days (well only being allowed on briefly.

Some of the sites I visit have gone.

Where did Old- Nig go? He used to make me laugh.

An Amish woman and her daughter were riding in an old buggy one cold
blustery day. The daughter said to her mother, "My hands are freezing
cold."

The mother replied, "Put them between your legs.
Your body heat will warm them up." The daughter did and her hands
warmed up.

The next day the daughter was riding in the buggy with her boyfriend
who said, "My hands are freezing cold."

The girl replied, "Here, put them between my legs.
The warmth of my body will warm them up." He was surprised but did
and warmed his hands.

The following day the boyfriend was again in the buggy with the
daughter. He said, "My nose is cold."The girl replied "then put it
between my legs. The warmth of my body will warm it up."
He did and warmed his nose.
The now excited boyfriend thinking fast said, "Gosh my penis is
frozen solid."

The follow ing day the daughter was driving in the buggy with her
mother, and she says to her mother, "Have you ever heard of a
peniss?" Slightly concerned the mother said, "Why, yes. Why do you
ask?" The daughter replies, "They make one heck of a mess when they
defrost, don't they?"

George Bush has a heart attack and dies.

He goes to Hell where the Devil is waiting for him. "I'm not sure what
to

do here," says the Devil. "You're on my list but I have no room for
you,

but you definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going
o
do.
I've got 3 people here in separate rooms who weren't quite as bad as
you.

I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even
let

YOU decide who leaves, alright?"

George thinks that sounds pretty good, so he agrees. The Devil opens
the

door into the first room.

In it is John Howard floundering around in a large pool of water. He
keeps sinking and resurfacing over and over and over, gasping for air.

Such was his fate in Hell.

"No!" George cries. "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer and I
don't

think I could do that all day long, forever."

The Devil leads him to the next room.

In it is Tony Blair with a sledgehammer. The room is full of large
rocks.

All Blair does is swing that sledgehammer, time after time after time,
over

and over, smashing rocks and more rocks immediately appear to replace
the

ones he smashes.

"No!" exclaims George. I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would
be

in constant agony if I had to smash up rocks all day, forever!"

The Devil opens the third door.

In it, George sees Bill Clinton pegged out naked on the floor with his
arms

staked over his head and his legs spreadeagled out. Bent over Clinton
is

Monica Lewinsky, busily doing what Monica does best. George Bush looks
at

this in disbelief for a while and finally says, "Yeah, okay, I can
handle

this."

The Devil smiles and says gently...."Monica, you're free to go."

MORRIS AND HIS WIFE, ESTHER WENT TO

THE STATE FAIR EVERY YEAR.

EVERY YEAR, MORRIS WOULD SAY,

"ESTHER, I'D LIKE TO RIDE IN THAT HELICOPTER."

ESTHER ALWAYS REPLIED,

" I KNOW MORRIS, BUT THAT HELICOPTER RIDE

IS 50 DOLLARS AND 50 DOLLARS IS 50 DOLLARS."

A FEW YEARS LATE R, ESTHER AND MORRIS

WENT TO THE FAIR.

MORRIS SAID, "ESTHER, I'M 90 YEARS OLD.

IF I DON'T RIDE THAT HELICOPTER NOW,

I MIGHT NEVER GET ANOTHER CHANCE."

ESTHER REPLIED, "MORRIS,

THAT HELICOPTER IS 50 DOLLARS AND 50 DOLLARS

IS 50 DOLLARS."

THE PILOT OVERHEARD THE COUPLE. HE SAID,

"FOLKS, I'LL MAKE YOU A DEAL.

I'LL TAKE THE BOTH OF YOU FOR A RIDE.

IF YOU CAN STAY QUIET FOR THE ENTIRE

RIDE AND NOT SAY A WORD,
I WON'T CHARGE YOU! BUT IF YOU SAY ONE WORD,

IT'S 50 DOLLARS."

MORRIS AND ESTHER AGREED --- AND UP THEY WENT.

THE PILOT DID ALL KINDS OF FANCY MANEUVERS.

BUT NOT A WORD WAS HEARD.

HE DID HIS DAREDEVIL TRICKS OVER AND OVER AGAIN,

BUT STILL NOT A WORD.

WHEN THEY LANDED, THE PILOT TURNED TO MORRIS.

HE SAID, "BY GOLLY, I DID EVERYTHING I COULD TO GET

YOU TO YELL OUT, BUT YOU DIDN'T. I'M IMPRESSED!"

MORRIS REPLIED, "WELL, I WAS GOING TO SAY SOMETHING
WHEN ESTHER FELL OUT, BUT 50 DOLLARS IS 50 DOLLARS.

Most of you have read the scare-mail about the person whose kidneys were stolen while he was passed out. Well, read on.

While the kidney story was an urban legend, this one is not.

It's happening every day. My thighs were stolen from me during the night a few years ago. It was just that quick. I went to sleep in my body and woke up with someone else's thighs. The new ones had the texture of cooked oatmeal. Then, just when my guard was down, the thieves struck again. My butt was next. I knew it was the same gang, because they took pains to match my new rear end (although badly attached at least three inches lower than my original) to the thighs they stuck me with earlier. Now, my rear complemented my legs, lump for lump.

Frantic, I prayed that long skirts would stay in fashion.

It was two years ago when I realized my arms had been switched.

One morning I was fixing my hair, and I watched horrified but fascinated as the flesh of my upper arms swung to and fro with the motion of the hairbrush. This was really getting scary. That's why I decided to tell my story. I can't take on the medical profession by myself.

Women of the world, wake up and smell the coffee. That really isn't plastic that those surgeons are using. You KNOW where they are getting those replacement parts, don't you? The next time you suspect someone has had a face "lifted," look again. Was it lifted from you? I think I finally found my thighs ... and I hope that Cindy Crawford paid a really good price for them! This is not a hoax. This is happening to women in every town every night. WARN YOUR FRIENDS.

P.S. I must say that last year I thought someone had stolen my breasts. I was lying in bed, and they were gone! As I jumped out of bed I was relieved to see that they had just been hiding in my armpits as I slept. Now I keep them hidden in my waistband.

Groaner

Two brooms were hanging in the closet and after a while they

got to know each other so well, they decided to get married.

One broom was, of course, the bride broom, the other the

groom broom.

The bride broom looked very beautiful in her white dress. The

groom broom was handsome and suave in his tuxedo. The

wedding was lovely.

After the wedding, at the wedding dinner, the bride-broom

leaned over and said to the groom-broom, "I think I am going

to have a little whisk broom!!!"

"IMPOSSIBLE !!" said the groom broom.

Are you ready for this?

Brace yourself.

This is really going to hurt!

"WE HAVEN'T EVEN SWEPT TOGETHER!"

Oh for goodness sake... laugh, or at least groan.

Life's too short not to enjoy........ even these silly

little cute..... and clean jokes.

Sounds to me like she's been

"sweeping" around!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Have a Great Day!!!!

Found out yesterday that my son will be losing yet another teacher.

This is his 5 year at this school, yet this will now be his 10th teacher.

And they wonder why he is disinterested.

Perhaps it is due to the fact it is always his yeargroup that suffers due to having no consistency?

Believe me if I could change schools I would, but that at the moment is not an option either.

I feel soooooooo angry!!

A Husband took his wife to play her first game of golf.
Of course, the wife promptly hacked her first shot right through the
window of the biggest house adjacent to the course.

The husband cringed, "I warned you to be careful! Now we'll have to go
up there, find the owner, apologize and see how much your lousy drive
is going to cost us."

So the couple walked up to the house and knocked on the door. A warm
voice said, "Come on in."

When they opened the door, they saw the damage that was done: Glass
was all over the place, and a broken antique bottle was lying on
its

side
near the pieces of window glass.

A man reclining on the couch asked, "Are you the people that broke my
window?"

"Uh...yes sir. We're sure sorry about that," the husband replied.

"Oh, no apology is necessary. Actually, I want to thank you.

You see, I am a genie, and I've been trapped in that bottle for a
thousand years.

Now that you have released me, I'm allowed to grant three wishes.

I'll give you each one wish, but if you don't mind, I'll keep the last
one for myself."

"Wow, that's great!" the husband said. He pondered a moment and
blurted out, "I'd like a million dollars a year for the rest of my
life."

"No problem," said the genie. "You've got it, it's the least I can do.
And I'll guarantee you a long & healthy life!"

"And now you, young lady, what do you want?" the genie asked.

"I'd like to own a gorgeous home complete with servants in every
country in the world," she said.

"Consider it done," the genie said.

"And your homes will always be safe from fire, burglary and natural
disasters!"

"And now," the couple asked in unison, "what's your wish, genie?"

"Well, since I've been trapped in that bottle, and haven't been with a
woman in more than a thousand years, my wish is to have sex with your
wife."

The husband looked at his wife and said, "Gee, honey, you know we both
now have a fortune, and all those houses. What do you think?"

She mulled it over for a few moments and said, "You know, you're
right. Considering our good fortune, I guess I wouldn't mind, but what
about you, honey?"

"You know I love you, sweetheart," said the husband. "I'd do the same
for you!"

So the genie and the woman went upstairs where they spent the rest of
the afternoon enjoying each other.

The genie was insatiable.

After about three hours of non-stop sex, the genie rolled over and
looked directly into her eyes and asked, "How old are you and your
husband?"

"Why, we're both 35," she responded breathlessly.

"No Kidding," he said. "Thirty-five years old...and both of you still
believe in genies?"

This is offered in the Additions Catalogue I am browsing through in the hope I will find a pair of trousers that fit eldest son (not much chance so far). Had to have a little chuckle to myself for the description:

"Hailed as the latest alternative to aerobics, pole dancing lessons improve muscle tone and flexibility and the skill required to move around on the pole improves posture and deportment"

Oh must put this on my Christmas wish list!

who nicked it from Tea lover!

1) When showering, do you start the water and then get in or get in and start the water?
Start with water to warm it up then get in

2) Do you read the labels on your shampoo bottle?
No

3) Do you moan in the shower like the people on the herbal essence commercial?
No but I occasionally sing badly!

4) Have you ever showered with someone of the opposite sex?
Yes though only with hubby

5) Have you ever been forced to shower with one of your siblings?
No

6) Have you ever brushed your teeth in the shower?
No (yuck)

7) Have you ever dropped your soap on your foot?
No

8) How old do you look?
Someone one day told me I looked younger than I am age doesn't bother me so I don't know! 40?

9) How old do you act?
Sometimes act like a teenager

10) What's the last song you sang?
Sandi Thom's wish I was a punk rocker

11) Have you recently become a member of anything?
no

12) What are your plans for the weekend?
no idea

13) Do you kiss with your eyes opened or closed?
closed

14) Have you ever ridden a mechanical bull?
no

15) Did you ever intentionally vomit after eating?
no

16) If you were working on a pirate ship, what would you most likely be?
Swim instructor

17) Have you ever called anyone a slut?
no

18) Have you ever been called a slut?
No

19) Have you ever smuggled something into America?
No

20) Does playing the guitar make a girl/guy more attractive?
no

21) Do you live in a city with a good sports team?
Now I am laughing which sport do they have to be good at lol! no.

22) Have you ever finished off the popcorn?
no

23) How many people do you think would come to your funeral?
don't care

24) How many of them would come just to make sure you're dead?
All of them probably if anyone should turn up

25) Do you have more enemies or more friends?
don't care

26) Have you ever sent an anonymous letter?
no

27) Can you fix ur own car?
I know how to put oil in it does that count?

28) Have you ever turned someone down for a date?
yes

29) Are you smarter than your friends?
no

30) Have you ever stolen anything from your friends?
no

31) Have you ever been to jail?
no

32) Should you have?
Definately not I am too good

32) Do you like the taste of beer?
Only if it is diluted with Lemonade!

34) Have you ever died or killed someone in a dream?
Killed someone yes, died no

35) Have you ever given to charity?
yes then got hounded by a charity for money constantly

36) Would you kill a dog for £1000?
No definately not

37) Do you sometimes get depressed?
yes at least once a month lol!

38) Do you live with your parents?
No.

39) Do you have plans for your future?
to revisit Florida with the kids

who nicked it from CJ

Five snacks you enjoy:
1. Chocolate
2. Crinkles
3. Chocolate peanuts
4. cashew nuts
5. Doritoes

Five songs to which you know all the lyrics:
1. Summer of '69 - Bryan Adams
2. Bat out of Hell - Meatloaf
3. Blaze of Glory - Bon Jovi
4. True colours - cyndi Lauper
5. 'Livin' on a prayer' Bon Jovi

Five things you would do if you were a millionaire:
1. Pay off mortgage and move
2. Visit family in Australia
3. Buy hubby a Jaguar
4. Give some to family
5. Tiffanys

Five things you like doing:
1. Cross Stitching
2. Reading
3. watching films
4. Walking
5. Blogging

Five things you would never wear again:
1. Bikini
2. Leggings
3. My wedding dress
4. Babydoll nightie
5. Bridesmaid dress

Five favourite toys:
1. Computer
2. MP3 player
3. My huge teddybear
4. My DVD player
5. My hubby

It has been a starnge day. I don't seem to have got a lot done at all in fact.

This morning there was an assembly due to behaviour issues so the riot act was read to the kids about their behaviour. Maths which was just talking and practising examples, Literacy where they read their class novel and answered a couple of question orally, then a meeting with the Head of Year to discuss any issues us TA may have.

I didn't intend to spend so long in school mainly as my legs are hurting today, but did anyway, and as much as they are aching at least I know I can relax now. I should be tackling the mountain of ironing, but going to put my feet up instead.

Eldest child has come down with a nasty cold. He was going to go to school until he looked so pale that thought it best to keep him off for today anyway. Bless him he has done 2 lots of washing and 1 basket of ironing. He doesn't look too good though may have tomorrow off as well. Youngest is trying pretending to learn the latest batch of spellings, but not really putting much effort into it. He is banned from watching telly until he can learn them properly!

Better get off and try and cook some tea!

I did manage to have a great time last night. Met up with friend, and a few of her other friends for a glass of Champagne before we left for the restaurant - chinese meal. 4 women two men in party, nice mix, and after bringing the discussion round table to 'gutter level' and laughing so much we were all fit to burst we got a taxi to the nightclub.

Now to be honest I am not a fan of nightclubs. Eating out with friends I can do, nightclubs a different ball game. Why? Nothing worse that watching a lot of drunk people attempting to gyrate on the dance floor or in the case of some of the men there, the fact that they think that they look so cool and you would fancy them if they lean all over you and slur their words because it took them several drinks to get to the state of inebriation to give them the courage to talk to you. It is also very crowded so you feel as though you are packed in like sardines, and incredibly noisy.

Yesterday was no exception, made bearable by incredibly good company and I have to admit that we did have a laugh. Did get chatted up by a bloke in a very drunken state and stank to the bargain. He even checked out to see if I had a ring on (all three) and he asked me where my hubby was so told him he was at the bar and was watching him. Also mentioned that he was a 'blackbelt' which soon moved him!

Drink wise I was very good. Champagne at friends house (one glass of) two bottles of wine between us at the restuarant which I sipped with several glasses of water, several glasses of lemon and lime at the club and a couple of Vodka and cokes to round off the evening with.

Got home, no crawled home at 5am this morning - hubby surprisingly was awake but that was probably because the dogs decided to attack the door as I walked in! After letting them out and having a couple of glasses of water I managed to find my bed only to be woken by my mother phoning at 9.30!!

I am not feeling too bad though and have felt better than I have in years! Only downside is that I am in agony with legs, and back , but think that may be overdoing it gyrating badly on the dance floor lol!

Going to log off now and get some sewing done before I have to make myself look less of a freak show and more presentable to face the outside world this evening.

See you all tomorrow!

Little Susie was not the best student in Sunday school. Usually
she Slept through the class.
One day the teacher called on her while she was napping,
"Tell me, Susie, who created the universe?"
When Susie didn't stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair
behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the bum.

"GOD ALMIGHTY!" shouted Susie and the teacher said, "Very good"
and
Susie fell back asleep.

A while later the teacher asked Susie, "Who is our Lord and
Savior,"
But, Susie didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny
Came to the rescue and stuck her again.

"JESUS CHRIST!" shouted Susie and the teacher said, "Very good,"
and Susie fell back asleep.

Then the teacher asked Susie a third question. "What did Eve say
to
Adam after she gave birth to their twenty-third child?"

And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time Susie jumped
up
and shouted,

"IF YOU STICK THAT F*G THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME, I'LL BREAK
IT
IN HALF AND STICK IT UP YOUR ASS!"

The Teacher fainted....

For once the household account was looking quite healthy. So I paid some bills.

Now there is just about enough to get me through the week on.

I hate paying bills it is depressing!

I wouldn't normally advertise, but I know the people who have taken over this shop very well, and in the run up to Christmas I thought I would let my blog friends know about it.

This shop is full of lovely gifts. Jackie and Barrie who run the shop are very friendly and helpful. Barrie makes all his own jewellery which can be found at this shop and he is also licensed to sell jewellery (which he has made) from the Discworld novels by Terry Pratchett.

The shop is located here Crystal Connection, 17 St Peters Walk, Northampton, NN1 1PT. There is also a website http://www.jewellerybybarrie.co.uk/ and they will take telephone orders. If you are anywhere near Northamptonshire, this shop is well worth a visit.

I wouldn't normally advertise, but I know the people who have taken over this shop very well, and in the run up to Christmas I thought I would let my blog friends know about it.

This shop is full of lovely gifts. Jackie and Barrie who run the shop are very friendly and helpful. Barrie makes all his own jewellery which can be found at this shop and he is also licensed to sell jewellery (which he has made) from the Discworld novels by Terry Pratchett.

The shop is located here Crystal Connection, 17 St Peters Walk, Northampton, NN1 1PT. There is also a website http://www.jewellerybybarrie.co.uk/ and they will take telephone orders. If you are anywhere near Northamptonshire, this shop is well worth a visit.

Sorry I wasn't around yesterday. My car needed washing so I went to the car wash and had to get them to wash it three times to get the dirt off.

Unfortunately they have missed some spots so may not be around as I will need to keep taking the car in. So if you don't see me for a while you will know where I will be.

Off to the car wash again

The Three Little Pigs

Three Little Pigs went out to dinner one night. The waiter came and took their drink order.

"I would like a Sprite," said the first little piggy.

"I would like a Coke," said the second little piggy.

"I want beer, lots and lots of beer," said the third little piggy.

The drinks were brought out and the waiter took their orders for dinner.

"I want a nice big steak," said the first piggy.

"I would like the salad plate," said the second piggy.

"I want beer, lots and lots of beer," said the third little piggy.

The meals were brought out and a while later the waiter approached the table and asked if the piggies would like any dessert.

"I want a banana split," said the first piggy.

"I want a root beer float," said the second piggy.

"I want beer, lots and lots of beer," exclaimed the third little piggy.

"Pardon me for asking," said the waiter to the third little piggy,"

But why have you only ordered beer all evening?"

The third piggy says -

"Well, somebody has to go 'Wee, wee, wee, all the way home!

Thank you for your poem.

however you are still denied my friends list.

I don't have to explain myself.

Suffice to say we are not friends, and I see no point in having a friend who as I suspect just wants to get as many friends as possible while having an empty blog.

I thank you for your interest but you are still denied>

"Boyfriend is here" says Nigel as we stroll past Game onthe way to Debenhams cafe.

mmmmm blue eyes, long hair and joy he is dressed in black - there is something about a man dressed all in black it really makes me squirm! But enough about my Saturday morning which has been quite boring so far. Didn't get to chat to 'games geek' this week, even though I have no idea what he is on about. Nigel was on a mission to cheer me up and buy me soemthing for me to go out in tonight so no time to do his weekly browse through the games.

Apologies for not replying to your kind comments and advice about my predicament. I hit an all time low yesterday and wasn't very good company at all so stayed away.

I saw the doctor about my legs and he has no idea why I am suffering so much. Apart from telling me to lose weight (duh!) - I did explain to him that since the last time he saw me I had lost 31/2 stone so what am I supposed to do when I cannot exercise as it leaves me in so much pain. He wasn't very sympathetic, just shook his head and wrote out a prescription for more painkillers and anti inflammatories. He has told me that it definately does look like I have torn the calf muscle in both legs, but cannot explain why it keeps happening. I am hoping to go and see a physiotherapist soon to see if he can come up with anything.

So yesterday as I said I was so low I mainly spent the day crying and feeling sorry for myself. I did go and have lunch with a friend but wasnt' much company. My friend who turned 40 in the week, invited me out for a meal tonight, a few drinks then onto a nightclub, but I declined.

That is where Nigel stepped in. Knowing how low I was he talked me into going out tonight, even if I just go for the meal. Told him I have nothing to wear - he looked at me in disbelief having seen how many parcels have arrived recently - but said "thats ok we will go shopping tomorrow".

"I have no money says I"

"thats ok I will get some out for you"

And true to his word he did and treated me to a lovely red top for tonight that will go with a lovely suede skirt I have.

I spent this morning in various shops trying on dresses, tops some that fitted well, some I struggled with. My problem is I have a small bust and big hips so sometimes something will fit round stomach/hips but be too big on the top or vice versa. One dress I tried on looked lovely if no one was ging to notice that I couldn't get the zip done up all the way! Seen some lovely dresses though and if I do manage to lose a stone before christmas I am going to treat myself to one.

So today I feel a bit more cheerier that I have been. I still have pain in legs when i walk but trying to not let it get too bad and if i have to spend too long standing up/walking around when my legs are bad I will take time off work - decided I will not let that get to me!

I woke this morning to sunshine lovely!

It is quite warm out there, and I really enjoyed my walk to youngest school. Mind you by the time I got there the pain started up again, fortunately someone could bring me home - sorry 5 min walk should not leave you in that much pain so am really looking forward to seeing the doctor tomorrow.

Hubby moaned this morning. I woke him up screaming at 3 this morning. I remember having a lovely dream, being amongst ppl that I knew and one handing me a drink. As I started to drink the glass broke, and I swallowed a bit of glass, then got hysterical as I was choking and trying to make myself sick to bring the glass back up.

Woke up in the throes of a panic attack, choking, trying to make myself sick and screaming.

Not good.

Scares the life out of hubby and takes him an age to calm me down, though once I realised that I was awake and hadn't swallowed anything I can be rational then and go back to sleep.

Something else to speak to the doctor about I think!

A man and a woman who have never met before find themselves in the
same sleeping carriage of a train. After the initial embarrassment,
they both manage to get to sleep, the woman on the top bunk,
the man on the lower. In the middle of the night, the woman leans
over and says, "I'm sorry to bother you, but I'm awfully cold and
I was wondering if you could possibly pass me another blanket."
The man leans out and, with a glint in his eye, says, "I've got
a better idea, let's pretend we're married."
"Why not," giggles the woman.
"Good," he replies, turning over, "Get your own damn blanket."

This is a story of two elderly people living in a mobile
home park in Florida.
He was a widower and she was a widow.
They had known one another for a number of years.
One evening there was a community supper in the Club House, and the widower and widow made a
foursome with two other singles.
They had a wonderful evening and spirits
were high.
The widower sent a few admiring glances across the table,
and the widow smiled coyly back at him. Finally, he
plucked up his courage to ask her,
"Will you marry me?"
After about six seconds of careful consideration, she answered,
"Yes, Yes, I will."

The next morning, the widower was troubled.
Did she say 'Yes'or did she say 'No'?
He couldn't remember. Try as he would, he just
could not recall.
He went over the conversation of the previous evening,
but his mind was blank. He remembered asking the question,
but for the life of him he could not recall her response.
With fear and trepidation,he picked
up the phone and called her.
First, he explained that he didn't
remember as well as he used to. Then he reviewed the
lovely evening past.
As he gained a little more courage he then inquired
of her,
"When I asked if you would marry me, did you say 'Yes' or
did you say 'No'?"
"Why, you silly man, I said 'Yes, Yes I will.'
And I meant it with all my heart."
The widower was delighted.

He felt his heart skip a beat.

Then she continued, "And I am so glad you called because I
couldn't remember who asked me."

Serves him right - his poor wife!

Hubby comes home.

"Can you update my CV for me and email it to this address?" he says excitedly.

Apparently it is a local company looking for electricians and he spoke to them on the phone today. They have asked for a copy of his CV.

Problem was though I was doing dinner at the time and could tell by his voice that this was to be done NOW!

"Ok, but keep and eye on the spuds for me" says I knowing they were coming to a boil.

Several minutes later and the cv is updated and emailed to the company. We sit and chat, knowing I have at least another 10 mins before I need to dish up.

Oh no!

Why?

Because he didn't keep an eye on the spuds, they boiled dry!

His excuse "You just told me to watch them you didn't say what I had to do"

Forgot he is a man and cannot think for himself lol!!

I phoned in sick today.

This is not something I do often.

Yesterday I came home from work with pain in the calves of both leags and could barely walk. Last night I spent trying to get comfortable and hoping that the pain would cease.

it didn't.

This morning it felt ok, until I started to move around and Ouch! The pain is back, my legs are stiff and walking is a nightmare.

I just feel so down about it all I feel like crying.

I hate feeling like this, this isn't me!

I have an appointment at last with the doctor for Friday and I had to fight tooth and nail for that. If the receptionist had asked just one more time if it was urgent I would have screamed!!!!!!!!!!!!!

In the meantime I am wallowing in the comfort of my own home in self pity.

It is dark, it is raining, storm is approaching I can feel it, even the dogs are madder than usual!

I can't even explain the day I have had today - so not going to try. lets just say that it was one of those days where you get so wound up and annoyed that I am still angry about it all and yet there was no reason to make it this way!

Spent this evening helping coaxing youngest to do his homework. he has a spelling test tomorrow and is really struggling with remembering to spell some of the words. I have done all the usual tactics with him to help him remember but so far none seem to be working - he struggles to retain information like that his spelling is very poor! So words for him to learn this week have been -

Could, should, mould, would, boulder (all of which he can do) then we get to the ones he is struggling with - people, marriage, carriage, orchestra, aeroplane.

Eldest child has found out his coursework should have been handed in today, he thought it was to be handed in on Friday - so yet again has been furiously trying to type it all up on the computer. his teacher let him have an extra day once he had explained that he had been given the wrong information (he was absent from class on the day they were originally told due to having to go to see another teacher). Not impressed but he should have checked!

Oh well better get back to the sewing!

The day promises to be a fine one. The weather man says that we will have good weather today! Oh joy! I got drowned yesterday picking youngest up from school, soaking wet but there was the brightest rainbow I have ever seen with another one in front of it, that was duller! Everyone was pointing and talking about it!

Today I have to do a literacy and P.E . lesson - those poor poor children! Nearly finished the dreaded display boards, just one more to do now!

Haven't been around much as I have been stitching furiously. Two samplers to do before Christmas, not much fun, also Simon had a huge amount of coursework for his History to type up as it has to be in on Friday - and being so totally unorganised as usual he has done it all at the last minute! Fair play he has written it down but it needed to be typed up on the computer!

Oh and something funny happened. Half asleep in shower, washing hair and thought why is it taking so long to get the soap out of hair this morning? Realised I was using shower gel on my head rather than shampoo! So now ended up with a bad hair day!!!

Oh well better get off and sort my lunch out - long day at work today!

THIS COMES FROM A CATHOLIC ELEMENTARY SCHOOL TEST KIDS WERE ASKED
QUESTIONS ABOUT THE OLD AND NEW TESTAMENTS.
THE FOLLOWING STATEMENTS ABOUT THE BIBLE WERE WRITTEN BY CHILDREN.
THEY HAVE NOT BEEN RETOUCHED OR CORRECTED.
INCORRECT SPELLING HAS BEEN LEFT IN.

1. IN THE FIRST BOOK OF THE BIBLE, GUINESSIS. GOD GOT TIRED OF CREATING
THE WORLD SO HE TOOK THE SABBATH OFF.

2. ADAM AND EVE WERE CREATED FROM AN APPLE TREE. NOAH'S WIFE WAS JOAN
OF ARK. NOAH BUILT AND ARK AND THE ANIMALS CAME ON IN PEARS.

3. LOTS WIFE WAS A PILLAR OF SALT DURING THE DAY, BUT A BALL OF FIRE
DURING THE NIGHT.

4. THE JEWS WERE A PROUD PEOPLE AND THROUGHOUT HISTORY THEY HAD TROUBLE
WITH UNSYMPATHETIC GENITALS.

5. SAMPSON WAS A STRONGMAN WHO LET HIMSELF BE LED ASTRAY BY A JEZEBEL
LIKE DELILAH.

6. SAMSON SLAYED THE PHILISTINES WITH THE AXE OF THE APOSTLES.

7. MOSES LED THE JEWS TO THE RED SEA WHERE THEY MADE UNLEAVENED BREAD
WHICH IS BREAD WITHOUT ANY INGREDIENTS.

8, THE EGYPTIANS WERE ALL DROWNED IN THE DESSERT. AFTERWARDS, MOSES
WENT UP TO MOUNT CYANIDE TO GET THE TEN COMMANDMENTS.

9 THE FIRST COMMANDMENTS WAS WHEN EVE TOLD ADAM TO EAT THE APPLE.

10. THE SEVENTH COMMANDMENT IS THOU SHALT NOT ADMIT ADULTERY.

11. MOSES DIED BEFORE HE EVER REACHED CANADA. THEN JOSHUA LED THE
HEBREWS IN THE BATTLE OF GERITOL.

12. THE GREATEST MIRICLE IN THE BIBLE IS WHEN JOSHUA TOLD HIS SON TO
STAND STILL AND HE OBEYED HIM.

13. DAVID WAS A HEBREW KING WHO WAS SKILLED AT PLAYING THE LIAR. HE
FOUGHT THE FINKELSTEINS, A RACE OF PEOPLE WHO LIVED IN BIBLICAL TIMES.

14. SOLOMON, ONE OF DAVIDS SONS, HAD 300 WIVES AND 700 PORCUPINES.

15. WHEN MARY HEARD SHE WAS THE MOTHER OF JESUS, SHE SANG THE MAGNA
CARTA.

16. WHEN THE THREE WISE GUYS FROM THE EAST SIDE ARRIVED THEY FOUND
JESUS IN THE MANAGER.

17. JESUS WAS BORN BECAUSE MARY HAD AN IMMACULATE CONTRAPTION.

18. ST. JOHN THE BLACKSMITH DUMPED WATER ON HIS HEAD.

19. JESUS ENUNCIATED THE GOLDEN RULE, WHICH SAYS TO DO UNTO OTHERS
BEFORE THEY DO ONE TO YOU. HE ALSO EXPLAINED A MAN DOTH NOT LIVE BY
SWEAT ALONE.

20. IT WAS A MIRICLE WHEN JESUS ROSE FROM THE DEAD AND MANAGED TO GET
THE TOMBSTONE OFF THE ENTRANCE.

21. THE PEOPLE WHO FOLLOWED THE LORD WERE CALLED THE 12 DECIBELS.

22. THE EPISTELS WERE THE WIVES OF THE APOSTLES.

23. ONE OF THE OPPOSSUMS WAS ST. MATTHEW WHO WAS ALSO A TAXIMAN.

24. ST. PAUL CAVORTED TO CHRISTIANITY, HE PREACHED HOLY ACRIMONY WHICH
IS ANOTHER NAME FOR MARRAIGE.

25. CHRISTIANS HAVE ONLY ONE SPOUSE. THIS IS CALLED MONOTONY.

Well I am back and only allowed to post once as hubby wants the computer to play his new game (mumble mumble)

Hood winked was great.

A rewritten tale of what happens in the story of little red riding hood. Very well written from the aspect of the suspects (wolf, granny, red riding hood etc) giving their own version of events to police officers (a bear, toad, pigs). All very funny and very clever!

In fact it is the first time I have been to see what is a 'family film' two weeks after the film comes out and the cinema being packed.

Definately one to get on DVD to watch when it is released.

Nice meal afterwards to round off the day nicely now I am trying to decide whether to do the ironing or some stitching. The heat is on as they say for the stitching, need to get Simons piccy done and a baby sampler before Christmas - can't see it happening somehow but occasionally miracles happen lol!

So I am signing off before his lordship tuts one more time and I end up hitting him!

Hubby tapping foot impatiently so cannot get to view everyoes posts and comment, or reply to any I have received.

We are off to the cinema to see Hoodwinked!

See you later!

Phone rings

Cousin's wife has had their second child a girl.

Eluned Wyn.

Lovely

So pleased for them both.

Now the 7th person in my family to have a birthday in October (eek) very expensive month it is getting!

Better get on with the sampler then hadn't I?

I like this, been playing it on my list - might order the album!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dBgTrs5XtfY

my mother uttered those words yesterday.

"I need a list of what you, Nig and the boys want from Christmas"

how I hate those words.

it means I get to sit here for countless of hours trying to think of what I want, what Nig wants and what the boys want and I really do not have a clue.

I have a wish list on Amazon, 3 pages long of things that I might like at some point but in no hurry for. I have emailed details to my sister in the hope that will give her some inspiration - that's me sorted then. Or perhaps not.

Why?

Because I keep coming up with albums, book titles, and other things that I see on amazon and think, oh I will like that so the list is getting longer and longer.

Then of course I have to write out a list of ideas for hubby as well. I have shown him a couple of DVDs I want, but then I have to double check that I have not put them on my wish list - one year I got 3 copies of the new David Gray album because I forgot who I told to get it for me.

Then I have to sort out Nigel who hasn't got a clue what he wants himself so what chance do I have? He is the type of person who wants something and buys it straight away. Looks like it will be socks again this year then.

Then there is the kids to sort out. Personally I feel they should be given the Argos catalogue wrapped up as they tend to get more fun out of browsing through that than the actual present, but mum won't allow that.

i struggle to find them anything every year let alone telling others what to buy them.

It is a struggle I face, a chore I dread.

Just packed hubby off to work. He has taken eldest with him as he needed some help and I have given them both a shopping list as well so they can get the shopping at the same time.

This morning was a little fraught. Phonecall as I was in the shower - of course no one else can answer a phone in this house they are in bed so I run downstairs, dripping wet with a towel wrapped round me, hoping it was good news (cousin and his wife are due to have their new baby any day now) to find it is someone tryin to sell me something!!! He was told where to go quite sharpish.

Yungest child doing his 'kevin' impersonation "mother, please put some clothes on" in a shocked voice, dogs fighting as they want to go out and be fed, hurt foot on lego brick (earlier post) and attempt to get back in shower and wash hair.

Hubby in one of them moods today where everything you say has a double meaning to him. This is not helped by the fact that I need some new underwear and so while in Debenhams this morning (they have a sale on at the mo) I peruse the lingerie section, where hubby is not looking at practical things like white bras where one has to make a decision about plunge, uplift, gel etc, but at basques! Come on reality check, I need new underwear for everyday where not a basque!
Manage to convince him I really do not need one at this moment in time and suggest we go for our weekly treat, breakfast in Debenhams cafeteria.

To get to the cafe in Debenhams one has to pass the gaming section. Now there is rather a very nice young man there, who oozes charm, is very nice looking and quite fanciable. He is there every week, his only downfall is he propably spends too much time in front of the playstation, nintendo, xbox etc etc as he seems to know too much information about most of the games there. In fact I often think my eldest has a lot in common with this lad and can see him doing a similar sort of role when he is older - after all his friends don't call him the games guru for nothing!

So I take a peek, he is there, we smile as usual, hubby makes his usual comment "see your mate is there then" and off we go for our usual breakfast.

Afterward we look round at the games. You can always find a reasonably cheap one or a 2nd hand one that the kids or hubby will like for christmas and mr games person will always be on hand to advise.

Today was no different. I am over the far end, Nig is near the counter. Mr games person comes over to me with a game "this one is really good the kids will like this" he says to me waving a copy of Kingdom Hearts 2 at me.

God he has gorgeous blue eyes.

"Wrong person" says I " you are talking double dutch now, he is the one you need to talk to about games, I honestly haven't a clue" an smile at him pointing to nig.

He smiles back and wanders off towards Nig where there is a very animated discussion going on about games. The pair of them are now obviously in 7th heaven as they discuss the games they have played and want and what the kids want. He is very good though as I notice he has persauded Nig to buy two games there and then, even going to get brand new copies from the store room for him!

Eldest child wants DSlite for his birthday and I have been looking around for some. I did promise him he could have one for doing so well in his Sats but with money being so tight it hasn't been possible to get him one. Notice they are bringing one out soon in pink of all colours only to be told that Sony are bringing out a limited edition pink ps2. Are they that desperate to try and attract the female audience?

Don't think I will be buying either somehow, really am not one for these games, I prefer board games myself, but each to their own.

Lego.

Small bricks that you put together to make lovely structures, or some creature called a bionicle with a weird sounding name, the knight my youngest loves, or a house (which is the only thing I can make with the thing).

Small, and yet it gives hours of enjoyment.

Innocent joy it gives, keeping the youngsters amused.

Lovely colourful bricks.

Then you accidently step on one whilst wearing nothing on feet and OMG it hurts!!!!!!!!

It was the one brick that had been forgotten. the one that was missed as they put them away last night. In my rush to answer the phone this morning I trod on the wretched thing and the air went blue!! My foot still has the mark of it.

Silent but deadly, is the lego brick, that small piece of brick that gives children so much joy!

If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you
would have produced enough sound energy to heat one
cup of coffee.
(Hardly seems worth it.)

If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months,
enough gas is produced to create the energy of an
atomic bomb.
(Now that's more like it!)

The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps
out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.
(O.M.G.!)

A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes.
(In my next life, I want to be a pig.)

A cockroach will live nine days without its head
before it starves to death. (Creepy.)
(I'm still not over the pig.)

Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories a
hour

(Don't try this at home, maybe at work)

The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head
is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by
ripping the male's head off.
(Honey, I'm home. What the...?!)

The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like
a human jumping the length of a football field.
(30 minutes..lucky pig! Can you imagine?)

The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.
(What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)

Some lions mate over 50 times a day.
(I still want to be a pig in my next life...quality
over quantity)

Butterflies taste with their feet.
(Something I always wanted to know.)

The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
(Hmmmmmm......)

Right-handed people live, on average, nine years
longer than left-handed people.
(If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)

Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.
(Okay, so that would be a good thing)

A cat's urine glows under a black light.
(I wonder who was paid to figure that out?)

An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
( I know some people like that.)

Starfish have no brains
(I know some people like that too.)

Polar bears are left-handed.
(If they switch, they'll live a lot longer)

Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex
for pleasure.
(What about that pig??)

A wife came home early and found her husband in their bedroom making
love to a very attractive young woman.

Being somewhat upset. "You are a disrespectful pig!" she cried. "How dare you do this to me -- a
faithful wife, the mother of your children! I'm leaving you. I want a divorce straight away!"

And the husband replied "Hang on just a minute love, so at least I can tell you what happened."

"Fine, go ahead," she sobbed, "but they'll be the last words you'll say
to me!"

And the husband began -- "Well, I was getting into the car to drive home and this young lady here asked me for a lift. She looked so down and out and defenceless that I took pity on her and let her into the car.
I noticed that she was very thin, not well dressed and very dirty. She told me that she hadn't eaten for three days! So, in my compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas I made for you last night, the ones you wouldn't eat because you're afraid you'll put on weight. The poor thing devoured them in moments.

Since she needed a good clean up I suggested a shower, and while she
was doing that I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes so I
threw them away. Then, as she needed clothes, I gave her the designer
jeans that you have had for a few years, but don't use because you say
they are too tight. I also gave her the underwear that was your anniversary
present, which you don't use because I don't have good taste. I found
the sexy blouse my sister gave you for Christmas that you don't use just to
annoy her, and I also donated those boots you bought at the expensive
boutique and don't use because someone at work has a pair the same"

The husband took a quick breath and continued - "She was so grateful
for my understanding and help and as I walked her to the door she
turned to me with tears in her eyes and said, Please ... do you have
anything else that your wife doesn't use? ..............................

A 90-year-old man said to his doctor, "I've never felt better. I have a 24-year-old bride who is pregnant with my child. What do you think about that?"

The doctor considered his question for a minute and then said, "I have an elderly friend who is a hunter and never misses a season. One day when he was going out in a bit of a hurry, he accidentally picked up his umbrella instead of his gun. When he got to the Creek, he saw a beaver sitting beside the stream. He raised his umbrella and went, 'bang, bang' and the beaver fell dead. What do you think of that?"

The 90-year-old said, "I'd say somebody else shot that beaver."

The doctor replied, "My point exactly."

In pain again!

I feel like an invalid sometimes.

Walking home from the school this morning after dropping youngest off, I turned to speak to my friend and felt the calf muscle in my leg go 'pop'. "OOOOOUUUUCCCCCHHHHHH" I screamed as the pain appeared and then gingerly hobbled home.

After Asda etc, laid on the sofa recuperating.

It hurts!

Both legs hurt!

Have walked to school to pick youngest up, should have rested but I have a fear of the muscle seizing up altogether if I don't walk on it.

Cannot understand why the other leg is playing up now, it is such a hindrance!

I have taken some Anti inflammatories in the hope that will ease it a little and a painkiller. Definately am going to phone doctor on Monday.

Quality isn't good I am afraid but still funny!

It is so dark here, it is like early evening, just before you pull the curtains to shut out the outside world.

It has done nothing but rain, and some parts of town are flooded as well.

And yes I did get caught in it!

Fortunately I popped to Asda to get some milk, and food for the week, then to iceland for some freezer things as the freezer is low. But it rained so hard even having the windscreen wipers on full pelt you still couldn't see, quite scary really.

Lost 2.5Ibs at fat club. Not all that pleased was hoping for more as I haven't been for two weeks, but at the end of the day it is a loss so it is going in the right direction.

Now off to have my sandwich and unpack the shopping!

Groan.

Decided that today I will go to fat club to see if I have lost anything. I have been on this 'regime' for two weeks now, didn't wi last week as I know at certain times of the month I weigh more, so will go today instead and see if my efforts have worked.

So far I have eaten less, stayed within my points which is good, however at times I have not eaten enough points on occasion.

I have power walked to son's school to collect him, the long way round which takes approx 20 mins, at least 3 times a week.

I have not drunk as much water as I should do unfortunately, must do better in this area!

It is cold out I can feel it in the conservatory. The weather is dull, and at last there is light outside. I hate getting up in the dark it always makes me feel tired.

Good quote on my desk top this morning :

Confusion is always the most honest response. (Marty Indik). No idea who Marty is, and searches have only brought up that he may be Jewish, but I have to say at work yesterday I even managed to confuse myself at one point (quite an easy thing for me to do) so know my Head of year got confused as well!

Oh well can't put it off. Better go and see if the kids have sorted themselves out for school, find something light for me to wear and get ready to go.

Wish me luck!!

It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like.
- Jackie Mason

Brrrrrr I thought when the alarm went off this morning.

Buried under the covers in bed, the only sign that it was cold outside was the fact the dogs were trying to get as close to the bed as possible, they don't like being cold!

Attempting to get out of bed without breaking my neck I manage to gt to the bathroom which is freezing. Decide against being naked and showering, instead make my way downstairs and make a warm strong cup of tea and some porridge instead. Once I am warm inside I can face that shower.

I am holding out about putting the heating on. When it goes on I end up with a cold. Can't afford time off work at the moment there is far too much to do! Anyway once eldest has had his shower the bathroom will have warmed up a bit lol!

Nigel has left for work. He is in London again, then in Kilburn so will be late home. Youngest has read to me already and has some interesting spellings to learn. Told him that we will have to do that tonight, can't face him struggling this early in the morning.

My grandmother is 97 years young today. She is failing in health and will only eat cheese biscuits and rice pudding, and rarely drinking. It is worrying my mother senseless who has tried everything to get her to eat and drink but so far to no avail. She has had a relatively hard life as no doubt most ppl of her generation has and she comes from a ine of women that live well into old age.

Yet despite working all hours , bringing up three children she gets no help from the state at all, neither does my mother who looks after her.

No I lie, she gets attendance allowance, that is all.

Mum looks after her 24/7. She gave up work by taking early retirement so only has a basic pension coming in. A carer comes in 3 times a day to help mum wash and change her. Mum has to pay for this as nan gets attendance allowance. So far mum and nan have been turned down for every benenfit available - carers allowance, invalidity benefit, you name it they have applied for it. The excuse they have been given is that they are receiving a state pension, which believe it or not, is a benefit. What i thought you paid into that! But no apparently it is a benefit, so because they both get a measley amount of money from the state they do not qualify for any benefit that will help mum financially to look after her mother.

Yet if she had put her in a home, which the state would have had to pay a lot more for, as nan had no assests. It is all crazy!

So mum struggles to look after her, to do her best, and fights on for help - either financially or physically.

Oh well moan over for now. bathroom should have warmed up more now so I am going to face that shower!

Four lawyers in a law firm lived and died for their Saturday
morning round of golf. It was their favorite moment of the week.

Then one of the lawyers was transferred to an office in
another city. It wasn't quite the same without him.

A new woman lawyer joined their law firm. One day she
overheard the remaining three talking about their golf round
at the coffee table.

Curious, she spoke up, "You know, I used to play on my golf
team in college and I was pretty
good. Would you mind if I joined you next week?"

The three lawyers looked at each other. They were hesitant.
Not one of them wanted to say 'yes', but she had them on the
spot. Finally one man said it would be okay, but they would
be starting pretty early at 6:30 am. He figured the early
Tee-Time would discourage her
immediately.

The woman said this might be a problem and asked if she
could possibly be up to 15 minutes late. They rolled their
eyes but said this would be okay. She smiled and said,
"Good, then I'll be there either at 6:30 or 6:45."

She showed up right at 6:30 and wound up beating all three
of them with an eye-opening 2-under par round. She was a fun
and pleasant person the entire round. The guys were impressed!

The next week she again showed
up at 6:30 Saturday morning. Only this time, she played
left-handed. The three lawyers were incredulous as she
still managed to beat them
with an even par round despite playing with her off-hand. By now the
guys were totally amazed, but wondered if she was
just trying to make them look bad by beating them
left-handed. They couldn't figure her out.

In the third week they all had their game faces on. But this
week she was 15 minutes late! This had the guys irritable
because each was determined to play the best round of golf
of his life to beat her.

As they waited for her, they figured her late arrival was
some petty gamesmanship on her part. Finally she showed up. This
week the lady lawyer played right-handed which was a
good thing since she narrowly beat all three of them.

Back in the clubhouse she had all three guys shaking their
heads at her ability.

Finally one of the men could contain his curiosity no
longer. He asked her point blank, "How do you decide if
you're going to golf right-handed or left-handed?"

The lady blushed and grinned. She said, "That's easy. When
my dad taught me to play golf, I learned I was ambidextrous.
I have always had fun switching back and forth.

Then when I met my husband in college and got married, I
discovered he always sleeps in the nude. From then on I
developed a silly habit. Right before I left in the morning
for golf practice, I would pull the covers off him. If his
you-know-what was pointing to the right, I golfed
right-handed and if it was pointed to the
left, I golfed left-handed. All the girls on the team
thought this was hysterical."

Astonished at this bizarre information, one of the guys shot
back, "But what if it's pointed traight up in the air?"

She said, "Then I'm fifteen minutes late."

Enjoy!!

Ok

So far I have come home, cooked dinner, sat and helped youngest with his homework, listened to him struggle to read, listened to hubby whinge about work, answered a few emails, listened to a friend whinge about work on the phone, signed a couple of permission slips for yet more trips for eldest child, sorted out the ironing (not done yet just sorted) and not one person has asked me how my day has been.

Sometimes I am just part of the furniture!!!

Anyway as days go it wasn't so bad, one child taking just over 1 hour to write one sentence, which drove me nuts and just one more time he asks me how to spell 'this' and I will scream!

Oh and guess who had to do the ICT lesson today?

Me!

It went wrong.

On my computer I copied and pasted a picture into hyperstudio, resized it, had it perfect. Talked the kids through it and either the pictures didn't appear on their frame or they came out too big and we couldn't crop them!

So whole lesson wasted will have to re-do next week!

Have to do DT tomorrow - this should be fun never done it before!

Now going to sit down, put feet up and do some sewing!

Bye for now!

Some of the finest double entendres on British TV &Radio...

Michael Buerk on watching Phillipa Forrester cuddle up to a male

astronomer for warmth during eclipse coverage said

"They seem cold out there, they're rubbing each other and he's only come in his shorts."

Ken Brown commentating on golfer Nick Faldo and his caddie Fanny
Sunneson lining-up shots at the Scottish Open

"Some weeks Nick likes to use Fanny, other weeks he prefers to do it by himself."

Mike Hallett discussing missed snooker shots on SkySports:

"Stephen Hendry jumps on Steve Davis's misses every chance he
gets."

Jack Burnicle was talking about Colin Edwards' tyre choice on World Superbike racing:

"Colin had a hard on in practice earlier, and I bet he wished he had a hard on now."

Chris Tarrant discussing the first Millionaire winner Judith Keppel on This Morning:

"She was practising fastest finger first by herself in bed last
night."

'Winning Post's Stewart Machin commentating on jockey Tony McCoy's

formidable lead:

"Tony has a quick look between his legs and likes what he sees."

Ross King discussing relays with champion runner Phil Redmond:

"Well Phil, tell us about your amazing third leg."

Cricketer Neil Fairbrother hit a single during a Durham v Lancashire match,inspiring Bobby Simpson to observe:

"With his lovely soft hands he just tossed it off."

Clair Frisby talking about a jumbo hot dog on Look North said:

"There's nothing like a big hot sausage inside you on a cold night like this."

James Allen interviewing Ralf Schumacher at a GrandPrix, asked:

"What does it feel like being rammed up the backside by
Barrichello?"

Steve Ryder covering the US Masters:

"Ballesteros felt much better today after a 69."

The new stand at Doncaster race course took Brough Scott's breath
away...

"My word," he said. "Look at that magnificent erection."

Willie Carson was telling Claire Balding how jockeys prepare for a big race when he said:

"They usually have four or five dreams a night about coming from
different positions."

Carenza Lewis about finding food in the Middle Ages on Time Team
Live

said:

"You'd eat beaver if you could get it."

A female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have
snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked,

"So Bob, where's that eight inches you promised me last night?"

Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too,
because

they were laughing so hard!

USPGA Commentator -

"One of the reasons Arnie (Arnold Palmer) is playing so well is
that,before each tee shot, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them .... Oh my god!!!!! What have I

just said?!!!!"

Metro Radio -

"Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven Dicks on
the field."

Harry Carpenter at the Oxford-Cambridge boat race 1977

"Ah, isn't that nice. The wife of the Cambridge President is
kissing the Cox of the Oxford crew."

Ted Walsh - Horse Racing Commentator -

"This is really a lovely horse. I once rode her mother."

New Zealand Rugby Commentator -

"Andrew Mehrtens loves it when Daryl Gibson comes inside of him."

Pat Glenn, weightlifting commentator -

"And this is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this
morning and it was amazing!"

Yes I am still down, annoyed, fed up with the news, fed up with work, fed up with life in general I think.

Don't worry go through days like this. I seem to go round in circles lately and never get anywhere fast.

Doesn't help matters much when hubby decides to take on more work which means he works late every night. Ok money wise this is good but kids see less of him, I see less of him and end up doing everything (again!) as he is always working or sleeping.

There never seems to be a happy medium in this house lately.

Think things are getting on top of me a little. Half term can't come quick enough at least that way I can get some housework done - plan on giving the house a good clean during that week off!

Weather not helping mood much I have to admit. Not being able to hang washing out due to unpredictable weather and it feeling cold in the mornings again - winter just round the corner and the nights drawing in...................

God I am a miserable cow!

Oh well, sandwiches to make, must get ready for work and make sure the kids are sorted.

Have a good day blogland!

Dreamt last night that Jamie Oliver was in a fight with someone. It was at a shopping centre and they were both by an esculator and were physically fighting.

Woke up and checked clock. 2am.

Finally went back to sleep.

News this morning on the radio as I woke at 6am

"Tory MP Boris Johnson is in the middle of a fresh media storm over comments he made about Jamie Oliver's school dinners campaign. "

Ok not quite finsticuffs but very funny and strange.

So wake up this morning to the news that the Amish school killer has allegedly confessed to sexually abusing two members of his family 20 years ago, which has haunted him ever since, and he was also upset about the death of his baby in 1997 as well.

Yet all family members have been interviewed and none of them have admitted to prior molestations.

Speculation?

Whatever, did this really justify him going into a community of peaceful people, and girl five girls, seriously wounding several others?

He was a very sick man of that there is no doubt and it makes my blood boil.

I feel sorry for his family, they obviously will have to live with the consequences of his actions for the rest of their lives, forever wondering why?

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/americas/5404144.stm

Education is a state-controlled manufactory of echoes.
- Norman Douglas

Not a bad day all things considered which I must admit makes a change

One parent coming in to complain that her little darling is "upset, unsettled and not getting enough support in class"

Hmm.

She has never seemed to be upset to me in fact the opposite, definately not unsettled she is quite happy, gets on with her work and does it well, and is very chatty with her friends, as for unsupported, well there is only so much one person (i.e me) can do when there is at least half a class that needs support and you get no help from the teacher!!

Oh well. keep smiling!

Governors meeting tonight at high school, surprise surprise as well as being vice chair of the governing body I am also chair of the curriculum and personnel commitee. One day I will learn to keep my mouth zipped up! Clerk was clearly pleased, said I knew you would be the right person for the job. Why did he think that? hour meeting was reduced to half an hour I don't take prisoners, you are not allowed to ask more than one question I have a home to go to!!

Bitch aren't I.

TBH that is how I feel at the moment. I am so grumpy it is a wonder Nigel hasn't left home, let alone the kids. No idea why just one of them monthly things I suppose.

Well nothing much on telly so may go upstairs and read my book. It is getting quite chilly sitting here and my feet feel like ice already lol!

Have a good evening.

Because the WORST enemy is Breast Cancer

GO GET YOUR MAMMIES GRAMMED

For years and years they told me,
Be careful of your breasts.
Don't ever squeeze or bruise them.
And give them monthly tests.

So I heeded all their warnings,
And protected them by law.
Guarded them very carefully,
And ! I always wore my bra.

After 30 years of astute care,
My gyno, Dr Pruitt,
Said I should get a Mammogram
"OK," I said, "let's do it."

"Stand up here real close" she said,
(She got my boob in line),
"And tell me when it hurts," she said,
"Ah yes! Right there, that's fine."

She stepped upon a pedal,
I could not believe my eyes!
A plastic plate came slamming down,
My hooter's in a vice!

My skin was stretched and mangled,
From underneath my chin.
My poor boob was being squashed,
To Swedish Pancake thin.

Excruciating pain I felt,
Within it's vicelike grip.
A prisoner in this vicious thing,
My poor defenseless tit!

"Take a deep breath" she said to me,
Who does she think she's kidding?!?
My chest is mashed in her machine,
And woozy I am getting.

"There, that's good," I heard her say,
(The room was slowly swaying.)
"Now, let'! s have a go at the other one."
Have mercy, I was praying.

It squeezed me from both up and down,
It squeezed me from both sides.
I'll bet SHE'S never had this done,
To HER tender little hide.

Next time that they make me do this,
I will request a blindfold.
I have no wish to see again,
My knockers getting steam rolled.

If I had no problem when I came in,
I surely have one now.
If there had been a cyst in there,
It would have gone "ker-pow!"

This machine was created by a man,
Of this, I have no doubt.
I'd like to stick his balls in there,
And, see how THEY come out!

If you don't find it in the index, look very carefully through the entire catalogue.
- Unknown

(just had to do this one myself to find the item hubby was going on about lol!)

Now back to my sewing

See you all around later, got to go and carry on with my stitching.

In answer to your last query LLC, it is a dragon with a wizard flying on it for my eldest son who is very much into dragons. Will post a WIP when I get to a point where you can see what it is lol!

Catch you later.

Marriage - Part I

Typical macho man marries typical

good-looking woman and after the wedding,

he laid down the following rules:

"I'll be home when I want, if I want and

at what time I want

and I don't expect any hassle from you.

I expect a great dinner to be on table unless

I tell you that I won't be home for dinner.

I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing and

card-playing when I want with my old buddies

and don't you give me a hard time about it.

Those are my rules!

Any comments?"

His new bride says, "No, that's fine with me.

Just understand that there will be sex

here at seven o'clock every night

whether you're here or not."

(SHE'S GOOD!)

********

Marriage (Part II)

Husband and wife have a bitter quarrel on the

day of their 40th wedding anniversary!

The husband yells, "When you die,

I'm getting you a headstone that reads:

"Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever "

"Yeah?" she replies. "When you die,

I'm getting you a headstone that reads:

"Here Lies My Husband Stiff At Last"

(HE ASKED FOR IT!)

******

Marriage (Part III)

Husband (a doctor) and his wife

are having a fight at the breakfast table.

Husband gets up in a rage and says,

"You're no good in bed either!"

and storms out of the house.

After sometime, he realizes he was nasty

and decides to make amends

and rings her up.

She comes to the phone after many rings,

and the irritated husband says,

"What took you so long to answer the phone?"

She says, "I was in bed."

"In bed this early, doing what?"

She says,

"Getting a second opinion!"

(YEP, HE HAD THAT ONE COMING, TOO!)

**********

Marriage (Part IV)

A man has six children and is very proud

of his achievements. He is so proud of himself,

that he starts calling his wife,

"Mother of Six" in spite of her objections.

One night, they go to a party.

The man decides that it's time to go home

and wants to find out

if his wife is ready to leave as well.

He shouts at the top of his voice,

"Shall we go home 'Mother of Six?'

His wife, irritated by her husband's lack

of discretion, shouts right back,

"Anytime you're ready, Father of Four."

(DITTO!)

**********

Marriage (Part V) The Silent Treatment

A man and his wife were having some problems

at home and were giving each other the

silent treatment.

Suddenly, the man realized that the next day,

he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM

for an early morning business flight.

Not wanting to be the first to break the silence

(and LOSE),

he wrote on a piece of paper,

"Please wake me at 5:00 AM."

He left it where he knew she would find it.

The next morning, the man woke up,

only to discover it was 9:00 AM

and he had missed his flight.

Furious, he was about to go and see why

his wife hadn't wakened him,

when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.

The paper said,

"It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."

Men are not equipped

for these kinds of contests.

God may have created man before woman,

but there is always a rough draft before

the masterpiece.

A man bumps into a woman in a hotel lobby and as he does, his
elbow goes into her breast. They are both quite startled. The man
turns to her and
says, "Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know
you'll forgive
me." She replies, "If your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in
room 221."
................................................................

One night, as a couple lays down for bed, he husband starts
rubbing

his
wife's arm. The wife turns over and says "I'm sorry honey, I've
got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh"
The husband,
rejected, turns over. A few minutes later, he rolls back over and
taps his
wife again. "Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?"

............................................................

Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there for a
number of years when he came home one day to confess to his wife
that he had a
terrible compulsion. He had an urge to stick his penis into the
pickle
slicer. His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to
talk about
it, but Bill said he would be too embarrassed. He vowed to overcome

the
compulsion on his own. One day a few weeks later, Bill came home
and his wife could see at once that something was seriously
wrong. "What's
wrong, Bill?" she asked. "Do you remember that I told you how I had
this
tremendous urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer?" "Oh, Bill,
you
didn't!" she exclaimed. "Yes, I did." he replied. "My God, Bill,
what
happened?" "I got fired." "No, Bill. I mean, what happened with the
pickle
slicer?" "Oh...she got fired too."

.............................................................

A couple had been married for 50 years. They were sitting at the
breakfast table one morning when the wife says, "Just think,
fifty years ago we were
sitting here at
this breakfast table together." "I know," the old
man said.
"We were probably sitting here naked as a jaybird fifty years
ago." "Well," Granny snickered. "Let's relive some old times."
Where upon, the two
stripped to the buff and sat down at the table. "You know, honey,"
the
little old lady breathlessly replied, "My nipples are as hot for
you today
as they were fifty years ago." I wouldn't be surprised," replied
Gramps.
"One's in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal."

As I write this out of my window I can see the sun starting to disappear through the trees. In another hour or so the sun will set. I hate this time of year, I want summer all year round lol!

Work ok today for a change though I am still trying to get 101 things done with very little time to do it in.

Kids are arguing, told them I will bang their heads together if they don't stop - wouldn't mind if it was anything to argue about but when they argue over something incredibly pathetic I get angrY! Still Premenstrual so that isn't helping and Nig working late as well so just me on my own with the kids who act as though they are 3 year olds!

Bolognaise for tea tonight, all I can be bothered to do!
Better go and put some pasta on lol!

Tried to log on several times over the weekend but for some reason every time I tried to post the post got lost in Cyberspace, so I am trying again after my husbands friend did some 'tweaking' lol!!

Been fairly busy here. Friday Morning we had a Macmillan coffee morning at youngest son's school, in the family unit. Was very surprised at the turnout, probably one of the highest that the school has ever experienced! Friday afternoon into work to cover a couple of lessons. Went well with the exception of two children who got right on my nerves with their behaviour - soon sorted them out though - and an autistic child who refused to do anything - afterall not his regular teacher and no TA so he isn't going to do anything ofr me is he?

Friday evening we went out to a Chinese. 10 of us altogether to meet up with a friend and her new boyfriend who was very nice and a good laugh. I hope that despite their long distance relationship (she lives here, he in Ireland) that it works out for them she deserves some happiness! Back to her house afterwards for a few drinks - in my defence I had two glasses of wine at the Chinese, one at her house (too busy talking and giggling) yet on Saturday I was wrecked!

Saturday can't remember that much of it think I slept a lot to catch up on sleep - late nights and drinks are not good for me anymore lol!

Sunday sat and sewed mostly in between trying to log on here.

Nig went to football - he sends his comiserations to Adam Spurs did cheat and he wasn't happy about it - air was blue when he came home and thinks Pompey deserved to win far more than Spurs did (and coming from a long suffering spurs fan like him that is saying something about how disgusted he was lol ).

Busy day at work ahead and I am not looking forward to it at all! Still it pays some of the bills I suppose though as I have managed to spend most of my wages already I have very little for the rest of the month lol!

See you later hopefully!!