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Archives for: October 2006, 04

Golf Joke

by faffajane @ 04/10/06 - 21:26:00

Four lawyers in a law firm lived and died for their Saturday
morning round of golf. It was their favorite moment of the week.

Then one of the lawyers was transferred to an office in
another city. It wasn't quite the same without him.

A new woman lawyer joined their law firm. One day she
overheard the remaining three talking about their golf round
at the coffee table.

Curious, she spoke up, "You know, I used to play on my golf
team in college and I was pretty
good. Would you mind if I joined you next week?"

The three lawyers looked at each other. They were hesitant.
Not one of them wanted to say 'yes', but she had them on the
spot. Finally one man said it would be okay, but they would
be starting pretty early at 6:30 am. He figured the early
Tee-Time would discourage her
immediately.

The woman said this might be a problem and asked if she
could possibly be up to 15 minutes late. They rolled their
eyes but said this would be okay. She smiled and said,
"Good, then I'll be there either at 6:30 or 6:45."

She showed up right at 6:30 and wound up beating all three
of them with an eye-opening 2-under par round. She was a fun
and pleasant person the entire round. The guys were impressed!

The next week she again showed
up at 6:30 Saturday morning. Only this time, she played
left-handed. The three lawyers were incredulous as she
still managed to beat them
with an even par round despite playing with her off-hand. By now the
guys were totally amazed, but wondered if she was
just trying to make them look bad by beating them
left-handed. They couldn't figure her out.

In the third week they all had their game faces on. But this
week she was 15 minutes late! This had the guys irritable
because each was determined to play the best round of golf
of his life to beat her.

As they waited for her, they figured her late arrival was
some petty gamesmanship on her part. Finally she showed up. This
week the lady lawyer played right-handed which was a
good thing since she narrowly beat all three of them.

Back in the clubhouse she had all three guys shaking their
heads at her ability.

Finally one of the men could contain his curiosity no
longer. He asked her point blank, "How do you decide if
you're going to golf right-handed or left-handed?"

The lady blushed and grinned. She said, "That's easy. When
my dad taught me to play golf, I learned I was ambidextrous.
I have always had fun switching back and forth.

Then when I met my husband in college and got married, I
discovered he always sleeps in the nude. From then on I
developed a silly habit. Right before I left in the morning
for golf practice, I would pull the covers off him. If his
you-know-what was pointing to the right, I golfed
right-handed and if it was pointed to the
left, I golfed left-handed. All the girls on the team
thought this was hysterical."

Astonished at this bizarre information, one of the guys shot
back, "But what if it's pointed traight up in the air?"

She said, "Then I'm fifteen minutes late."

Why shorts are black and not red

by faffajane @ 04/10/06 - 21:18:29

Enjoy!!

blacknotred

If it could it would.

by faffajane @ 04/10/06 - 19:45:08

Ok

So far I have come home, cooked dinner, sat and helped youngest with his homework, listened to him struggle to read, listened to hubby whinge about work, answered a few emails, listened to a friend whinge about work on the phone, signed a couple of permission slips for yet more trips for eldest child, sorted out the ironing (not done yet just sorted) and not one person has asked me how my day has been.

Sometimes I am just part of the furniture!!!

Anyway as days go it wasn't so bad, one child taking just over 1 hour to write one sentence, which drove me nuts and just one more time he asks me how to spell 'this' and I will scream!

Oh and guess who had to do the ICT lesson today?

Me!

It went wrong.

On my computer I copied and pasted a picture into hyperstudio, resized it, had it perfect. Talked the kids through it and either the pictures didn't appear on their frame or they came out too big and we couldn't crop them!

So whole lesson wasted will have to re-do next week!

Have to do DT tomorrow - this should be fun never done it before!

Now going to sit down, put feet up and do some sewing!

Bye for now!

You Said What?

by faffajane @ 04/10/06 - 19:34:41

Some of the finest double entendres on British TV &Radio...

Michael Buerk on watching Phillipa Forrester cuddle up to a male

astronomer for warmth during eclipse coverage said

"They seem cold out there, they're rubbing each other and he's only come in his shorts."

:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D

Ken Brown commentating on golfer Nick Faldo and his caddie Fanny
Sunneson lining-up shots at the Scottish Open

"Some weeks Nick likes to use Fanny, other weeks he prefers to do it by himself."

:>>:>>:>>:>>:>>:>>:>>:>>:>>:>>:>>:>>:>>:>>:>>:>>:>>:>>:>>:>>:>>:>>

Mike Hallett discussing missed snooker shots on SkySports:

"Stephen Hendry jumps on Steve Davis's misses every chance he
gets."

 :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D

Jack Burnicle was talking about Colin Edwards' tyre choice on World Superbike racing:

"Colin had a hard on in practice earlier, and I bet he wished he had a hard on now."

:>>:>>:>>:>>:>>:>>:>>:>>:>>:>>:>>:>>:>>:>>:>>:>>:>>:>>:>>:>>:>>

Chris Tarrant discussing the first Millionaire winner Judith Keppel on This Morning:

"She was practising fastest finger first by herself in bed last
night."

 :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D

'Winning Post's Stewart Machin commentating on jockey Tony McCoy's

formidable lead:

"Tony has a quick look between his legs and likes what he sees."

:o:o:o:o:o:o:o:o:o:o:o:o:o:o:o:o:o:o:o:o:o:o:o:o:o:o:o:o:o:o:o:o

Ross King discussing relays with champion runner Phil Redmond:

"Well Phil, tell us about your amazing third leg."

:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.

Cricketer Neil Fairbrother hit a single during a Durham v Lancashire match,inspiring Bobby Simpson to observe:

"With his lovely soft hands he just tossed it off."
:p:p:p:p:p:p:p:p:p:p:p:p:p:p:p:p:p:p:p:p:p:p:p:p:p:p:p:p:p:p:p:p:p

Clair Frisby talking about a jumbo hot dog on Look North said:

"There's nothing like a big hot sausage inside you on a cold night like this."

 :b:b:b:b:b:b:b:b:b:b:b:b:b:b:b:b:b:b:b:b:b:b:b:b:b:b:b:b:b:b:b:b:b

James Allen interviewing Ralf Schumacher at a GrandPrix, asked:

"What does it feel like being rammed up the backside by
Barrichello?"

 :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D

Steve Ryder covering the US Masters:

"Ballesteros felt much better today after a 69."

:):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):)

The new stand at Doncaster race course took Brough Scott's breath
away...

"My word," he said. "Look at that magnificent erection."

;););););););););););););););););););););););););););););););););)

Willie Carson was telling Claire Balding how jockeys prepare for a big race when he said:

"They usually have four or five dreams a night about coming from
different positions."

 :p:p:p:p:p:p:p:p:p:p:p:p:p:p:p:p:p:p:p:p:p:p:p:p:p:p:p:p:p:p:p:p:p

Carenza Lewis about finding food in the Middle Ages on Time Team
Live

said:

"You'd eat beaver if you could get it."

:yes::yes::yes::yes::yes::yes::yes::yes::yes::yes::yes::yes::yes:

A female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have
snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked,

"So Bob, where's that eight inches you promised me last night?"

Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too,
because

they were laughing so hard!

 :p:p:p:p:p:p:p:p:p:p:p:p:p:p:p:p:p:p:p:p:p:p:p:p:p:p:p:p:p:p:p:p:p

USPGA Commentator -

"One of the reasons Arnie (Arnold Palmer) is playing so well is
that,before each tee shot, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them .... Oh my god!!!!! What have I

just said?!!!!"

 :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D

Metro Radio -

"Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven Dicks on
the field."

:o:o:o:o:o:o:o:o:o:o:o:o:o:o:o:o:o:o:o:o:o:o:o:o:o:o:o:o:o:o:o:o:o

Harry Carpenter at the Oxford-Cambridge boat race 1977

"Ah, isn't that nice. The wife of the Cambridge President is
kissing the Cox of the Oxford crew."

 :b:b:b:b:b:b:b:b:b:b:b:b:b:b:b:b:b:b:b:b:b:b:b:b:b:b:b:b:b:b:b:b:b

Ted Walsh - Horse Racing Commentator -

"This is really a lovely horse. I once rode her mother."

 :P:P:P:P:P:P:P:P:P:P:P:P:P:P:P:P:P:P:P:P:P:P:P:P:P:P:P:P:P:P:P:P:P

New Zealand Rugby Commentator -

"Andrew Mehrtens loves it when Daryl Gibson comes inside of him."

:lalala::lalala::lalala::lalala::lalala::lalala::lalala::lalala:

Pat Glenn, weightlifting commentator -

"And this is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this
morning and it was amazing!"

Wednesday Morning blues

by faffajane @ 04/10/06 - 07:26:58

Yes I am still down, annoyed, fed up with the news, fed up with work, fed up with life in general I think.

Don't worry go through days like this. I seem to go round in circles lately and never get anywhere fast.

Doesn't help matters much when hubby decides to take on more work which means he works late every night. Ok money wise this is good but kids see less of him, I see less of him and end up doing everything (again!) as he is always working or sleeping.

There never seems to be a happy medium in this house lately.

Think things are getting on top of me a little. Half term can't come quick enough at least that way I can get some housework done - plan on giving the house a good clean during that week off!

Weather not helping mood much I have to admit. Not being able to hang washing out due to unpredictable weather and it feeling cold in the mornings again - winter just round the corner and the nights drawing in...................

God I am a miserable cow!

Oh well, sandwiches to make, must get ready for work and make sure the kids are sorted.

Have a good day blogland!

Weird dreams

by faffajane @ 04/10/06 - 07:16:49

Dreamt last night that Jamie Oliver was in a fight with someone. It was at a shopping centre and they were both by an esculator and were physically fighting.

Woke up and checked clock. 2am.

Finally went back to sleep.

News this morning on the radio as I woke at 6am

"Tory MP Boris Johnson is in the middle of a fresh media storm over comments he made about Jamie Oliver's school dinners campaign. "

Ok not quite finsticuffs but very funny and strange.

Confessions

by faffajane @ 04/10/06 - 07:13:04

So wake up this morning to the news that the Amish school killer has allegedly confessed to sexually abusing two members of his family 20 years ago, which has haunted him ever since, and he was also upset about the death of his baby in 1997 as well.

Yet all family members have been interviewed and none of them have admitted to prior molestations.

Speculation?

Whatever, did this really justify him going into a community of peaceful people, and girl five girls, seriously wounding several others?

He was a very sick man of that there is no doubt and it makes my blood boil.

I feel sorry for his family, they obviously will have to live with the consequences of his actions for the rest of their lives, forever wondering why?

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/americas/5404144.stm

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