Spread your wings and fly away

If you don't find it in the index, look very carefully through the entire catalogue.
- Unknown

(just had to do this one myself to find the item hubby was going on about lol!)

Now back to my sewing

See you all around later, got to go and carry on with my stitching.

In answer to your last query LLC, it is a dragon with a wizard flying on it for my eldest son who is very much into dragons. Will post a WIP when I get to a point where you can see what it is lol!

Catch you later.

Marriage - Part I

Typical macho man marries typical

good-looking woman and after the wedding,

he laid down the following rules:

"I'll be home when I want, if I want and

at what time I want

and I don't expect any hassle from you.

I expect a great dinner to be on table unless

I tell you that I won't be home for dinner.

I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing and

card-playing when I want with my old buddies

and don't you give me a hard time about it.

Those are my rules!

Any comments?"

His new bride says, "No, that's fine with me.

Just understand that there will be sex

here at seven o'clock every night

whether you're here or not."

(SHE'S GOOD!)

********

Marriage (Part II)

Husband and wife have a bitter quarrel on the

day of their 40th wedding anniversary!

The husband yells, "When you die,

I'm getting you a headstone that reads:

"Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever "

"Yeah?" she replies. "When you die,

I'm getting you a headstone that reads:

"Here Lies My Husband Stiff At Last"

(HE ASKED FOR IT!)

******

Marriage (Part III)

Husband (a doctor) and his wife

are having a fight at the breakfast table.

Husband gets up in a rage and says,

"You're no good in bed either!"

and storms out of the house.

After sometime, he realizes he was nasty

and decides to make amends

and rings her up.

She comes to the phone after many rings,

and the irritated husband says,

"What took you so long to answer the phone?"

She says, "I was in bed."

"In bed this early, doing what?"

She says,

"Getting a second opinion!"

(YEP, HE HAD THAT ONE COMING, TOO!)

**********

Marriage (Part IV)

A man has six children and is very proud

of his achievements. He is so proud of himself,

that he starts calling his wife,

"Mother of Six" in spite of her objections.

One night, they go to a party.

The man decides that it's time to go home

and wants to find out

if his wife is ready to leave as well.

He shouts at the top of his voice,

"Shall we go home 'Mother of Six?'

His wife, irritated by her husband's lack

of discretion, shouts right back,

"Anytime you're ready, Father of Four."

(DITTO!)

**********

Marriage (Part V) The Silent Treatment

A man and his wife were having some problems

at home and were giving each other the

silent treatment.

Suddenly, the man realized that the next day,

he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM

for an early morning business flight.

Not wanting to be the first to break the silence

(and LOSE),

he wrote on a piece of paper,

"Please wake me at 5:00 AM."

He left it where he knew she would find it.

The next morning, the man woke up,

only to discover it was 9:00 AM

and he had missed his flight.

Furious, he was about to go and see why

his wife hadn't wakened him,

when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.

The paper said,

"It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."

Men are not equipped

for these kinds of contests.

God may have created man before woman,

but there is always a rough draft before

the masterpiece.

A man bumps into a woman in a hotel lobby and as he does, his
elbow goes into her breast. They are both quite startled. The man
turns to her and
says, "Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know
you'll forgive
me." She replies, "If your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in
room 221."
................................................................

One night, as a couple lays down for bed, he husband starts
rubbing

his
wife's arm. The wife turns over and says "I'm sorry honey, I've
got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh"
The husband,
rejected, turns over. A few minutes later, he rolls back over and
taps his
wife again. "Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?"

............................................................

Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there for a
number of years when he came home one day to confess to his wife
that he had a
terrible compulsion. He had an urge to stick his penis into the
pickle
slicer. His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to
talk about
it, but Bill said he would be too embarrassed. He vowed to overcome

the
compulsion on his own. One day a few weeks later, Bill came home
and his wife could see at once that something was seriously
wrong. "What's
wrong, Bill?" she asked. "Do you remember that I told you how I had
this
tremendous urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer?" "Oh, Bill,
you
didn't!" she exclaimed. "Yes, I did." he replied. "My God, Bill,
what
happened?" "I got fired." "No, Bill. I mean, what happened with the
pickle
slicer?" "Oh...she got fired too."

.............................................................

A couple had been married for 50 years. They were sitting at the
breakfast table one morning when the wife says, "Just think,
fifty years ago we were
sitting here at
this breakfast table together." "I know," the old
man said.
"We were probably sitting here naked as a jaybird fifty years
ago." "Well," Granny snickered. "Let's relive some old times."
Where upon, the two
stripped to the buff and sat down at the table. "You know, honey,"
the
little old lady breathlessly replied, "My nipples are as hot for
you today
as they were fifty years ago." I wouldn't be surprised," replied
Gramps.
"One's in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal."

As I write this out of my window I can see the sun starting to disappear through the trees. In another hour or so the sun will set. I hate this time of year, I want summer all year round lol!

Work ok today for a change though I am still trying to get 101 things done with very little time to do it in.

Kids are arguing, told them I will bang their heads together if they don't stop - wouldn't mind if it was anything to argue about but when they argue over something incredibly pathetic I get angrY! Still Premenstrual so that isn't helping and Nig working late as well so just me on my own with the kids who act as though they are 3 year olds!

Bolognaise for tea tonight, all I can be bothered to do!
Better go and put some pasta on lol!

Tried to log on several times over the weekend but for some reason every time I tried to post the post got lost in Cyberspace, so I am trying again after my husbands friend did some 'tweaking' lol!!

Been fairly busy here. Friday Morning we had a Macmillan coffee morning at youngest son's school, in the family unit. Was very surprised at the turnout, probably one of the highest that the school has ever experienced! Friday afternoon into work to cover a couple of lessons. Went well with the exception of two children who got right on my nerves with their behaviour - soon sorted them out though - and an autistic child who refused to do anything - afterall not his regular teacher and no TA so he isn't going to do anything ofr me is he?

Friday evening we went out to a Chinese. 10 of us altogether to meet up with a friend and her new boyfriend who was very nice and a good laugh. I hope that despite their long distance relationship (she lives here, he in Ireland) that it works out for them she deserves some happiness! Back to her house afterwards for a few drinks - in my defence I had two glasses of wine at the Chinese, one at her house (too busy talking and giggling) yet on Saturday I was wrecked!

Saturday can't remember that much of it think I slept a lot to catch up on sleep - late nights and drinks are not good for me anymore lol!

Sunday sat and sewed mostly in between trying to log on here.

Nig went to football - he sends his comiserations to Adam Spurs did cheat and he wasn't happy about it - air was blue when he came home and thinks Pompey deserved to win far more than Spurs did (and coming from a long suffering spurs fan like him that is saying something about how disgusted he was lol ).

Busy day at work ahead and I am not looking forward to it at all! Still it pays some of the bills I suppose though as I have managed to spend most of my wages already I have very little for the rest of the month lol!

See you later hopefully!!