Can you believe these?
I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the
poison control center. Today, this woman called in very upset because
she caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her
that the ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her
daughter into the hospital. She calmed down and at the end of the
conversation happened to mention that she gave her daughter some ant
poison to eat in order to kill the ants. I told her that she better
bring her daughter into the emergency room right away.
Here's your sign, lady. Wear it with pride.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Number Two Idiot of 2006
Early this year, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to
steal a life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in
getting it out of the pl ane and home. Shortly after they took it for
a float on the river, they noticed a Coast Guard helicopter coming
towards them. It turned out that the chopper was homing in on the
emergency locator beacon that activated when the raft was inflated.
They are no longer employed at Boeing.
Here's your sign, guys. Don't get it wet; the paint might run.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Number Three Idiot of 2006
A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the
branch and wrote, "this iz a stikkup. Put all your muny in this bag."
While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he
began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call
the police before he reached the teller's window. So he left the Bank
of America and crossed the street to the Wells Fargo Bank. After
waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo
teller. She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he
wasn't the brightest light in the harbor, told him that she could not
accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America
deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo
deposit slip or go back to Bank of America. Looking somewhat defeated,
the man said, "OK" and left. He was arrested a few minutes later, as
he was waiting in line back at Bank of America.
Don't bother with this guy's sign. He probably couldn't read it anyway.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Number Four Idiot of 2006
A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that
measured his speed using radar and photographed his car. He later
received in the mail a ticket for $40 and a photo of his car. Instead
of payment, he sent the police department a photo graph of $ 40.
Several days later, he received a letter from the police that
contained another picture, this time of handcuffs. He immediately
mailed in his $40.
Smartass. But you still get a sign
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Number Five Idiot of 2006
A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded
all of the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash
in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of Scotch that he wanted behind the
counter on the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as
well, but the cashier refused and said, "Because I don't believe you
are over 21." The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to
give it to him because she didn't believe him. At this point, the
robber took his driver's license out of his wallet and gave it to the
clerk. The clerk looked it over and agreed that the man was in fact
over 21 and she put the Scotch in the bag. The robber then ran from
the store with his loot. The cashier promptly called the police and
gave the name and address of the robber that he got off the license.
They arrested the robber two hours later.
This guy definitely needs a sign.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Idiot Number Six of 2006
A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving
revolvers. The first one shouted, "Nobody move!" When his partner
moved, the startled first bandit shot him.
This guy doesn't even deserve a sign.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Idiot Number Seven of 2006
Arkansas: Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided
that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window,
grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it
over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back knocking
him unconscious. It seems the liquor store window was made of
plexi-glass. The whole event was caught on videotape. Yep, here's your
sign.
