*whispers*

Shouldn't be on here, did say I was going to bed, but then I thought hey, pay a couple of bills, so I did.

Hubby gone off with the hump, dogs gone mad and I am catching up with blogs!

better get away to Bedforshire before 'himself' catches me on here!

Nite nite

Stuck vibrator

A lady called her gynecologist, and asked for an "emergency"
appointment. The receptionist said to come right in. She rushed to the
office, and was ushered right into an examination room. The doctor
came into the exam room and asked about her problem.

She was very shy about her emergency problem, and asked the
gynecologist to please examine her vagina.

So the doctor started to examine her. He stuck up his head after
completing his examination. "I'm sorry, Miss," he said, "but removing
that vibrator is going to involve a very lengthy , delicate and
expensive surgical operation."

"I'm not sure I can afford it," sighed the young woman. "But while I
am here could you just replace the batteries? "

The Bathtub Test

During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director what the criterion was which defined whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.

"Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub."

"Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup."

"No." said the Director, "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?"

DID YOU PASS, OR DO YOU WANT THE BED NEXT TO MINE?

In the hospital the relatives gathered in the waiting room, where their family member lay gravely ill. Finally, the doctor came in looking tired and sombre. "I'm afraid I'm the bearer of bad news," he said as he surveyed the worried faces. The only hope left for your loved one at this time is a brain transplant. It's an experimental procedure, very risky but it is the only hope. Insurance will cover the procedure, but you will have to pay for the brain yourselves.." The family members sat silent as they absorbed the news. After a great length of time, someone asked , "Well, how much does a brain cost?" The doctor quickly responded, "$5,000 for a male brain, and $200 for a female brain"

The moment turned awkward. Men in the room tried not to smile, avoiding eye contact with the women, but some actually smirked.

A man unable to control his curiosity, blurted out the question everyone wanted to ask,Why is the male brain so much more ?"

The doctor smiled at the childish innocence and explained to the entire group, "It's just standard pricing procedure. We have to mark down the price of the female brains, because they've actually been used."

MIl has been on the phone

"I sent a text to your son and got an obsence one back" she says.

" don't think so" says I

"I did I am not amused"

Firstly, Simon doesn't do obscene, he isn't that type of child.
Secondly, he has no credit on his phone and wouldn't think of going out and putting credit on it - afterall that would mean having to pay for it himself, so much easier to get mum to do it when she remembers online (that reminds me must put credit on phone)

Just checked his phone. All his texts for the last couple of months are on there, not one from his nan, and none sent to her from his phone. However, there is a message on there from someone who has just left a number about gear that needs to be picked up. Simon, when questioned, said it came through the other day and has no idea what they are on about so ignored it!

Talking to MIL further, she says she got an obsence text from Nig as well (her son). At this point I laugh. It takes Nigel Half and hour to text yes or no on his phone, he has no idea about texting and really isn't bothered about finding out. Just checked Nigs phone no text message from his mum stored on there either, yet she is adamant that she sent him one at the same time as she sent Simon one and claims they both sent her this obscene message back. I can only assume she sent the texts to the wrong number in the first place.

"WHat is your email address?" she asks.

I tell her

"I sent an email to that address" she says "but it was returned. Is it important to put the . inbtween your names?"

She can't help it really.

Then she says she tried to download something and now she can't find it and her computer is doing funny things.

"Have you updated your antivirus?" I say, "AVG has a new one out"

"No" she says "I don't know what to do"

Of course, following instructions is not what she is known for.

So Friday, my day off will be spent sorting out all the so called problems she has with her computer and making sure that she sends texts correctly.

oh joy!

With thanks to TheMusingsOfAMenopausalMama

What Color Angel are YOU? (pictures)

You're a "Pink Angel". Now, just because it may be a little bit of a feminin color doesn't mean you're all girly and whiney. You're very self-less and love to bring good news to people because you like seeing people happy. You have better manners than most and people love how polite you can be. You're friends love that they hardley ever get in arguments with you and can barely get mad at you! You're friends and family mean so much to you and it takes more than a fight to break you away from them.
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The morning has come round much too fast again, not helped by the fact I had very little sleep due to an excited dog! I think he has realised Christmas approaches and he is getting a little excited. Nigel forgot to put a bag of presents in the loft and so the dog has been checking them out in the hope we wouldn't notice

I didn't get home until 9pm last night. Meeting went on forever, due to a talk by a representative from the LEA who managed to avoid answering questions in the same way as a politician does!

I feel shattered this morning and my throat is sore again. It is still dark outside which is depressing. I have a lot to do at work as well, for some reason there seems to be so much going on there as well and a lot of unhappy staff!

Not long until we break up for the holidays. One good thing about this year don't have to write out loads of cards. We are contributing to World Vision instead though I would rather we raise money for the local hospice which is struggling!

Oh well better get a move on and make sure that the children are getting ready for school. My morning peace has been shattered by a child who will insist upon leaving homework until the last minute! Have a good day!