Just been upstairs to sort out the washing into various piles to be put in the washing machine at some stage.

Walk into our bedroom to pick up the clothes that wouldn't fit in the washing basket this morning and there is Nig, spread out on the floor, assembling that scalextric that Richard opened on Christmas morning with the look of What did they get me this for on his face.

"Having fun?" says I
"Yes" he says, "just assembling this for Richard"

"It wasn't for Richard was it?" Says I, "It was for you really wasn't it, Richard was just an excuse to buy it"

"Yep this is great" he says.

Typical.

He always wanted daughters and he got two sons. Somehow I don't think playing with a Bratz doll or a tiny tears would have given him quite the same amount of pleasure!

Diary of a Viagra Housewife

Day 1 Just celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary
with not much to celebrate. When it came time to
re-enact our wedding night, he locked himself in the
bathroom and cried.

Day 2 Today, he says he has a big secret to tell me.
He's impotent, he says, and he wants me to be the
first to know. Why doesn't he tell me something I
don't know! I mean, he actually thinks I haven't
noticed.

Day 3 This marriage is in trouble. A woman has needs. Yesterday, I saw a picture of Nelson's Column and burst into tears.

Day 4 A miracle has happened! There's a new drug on
the market that will fix his 'problem'. It's called
Viagra. I told him that if he takes Viagra, things
will be just like they were on our wedding night. I
think this will work. I replaced his Prozac with the
Viagra, hoping to lift something other than his mood.

Day 5 What absolute bliss!!.

Day 6 Isn't life wonderful but it's difficult to write
while he's doing that.

Day 7 This Viagra thing has gone to his head. No pun
intended! Yesterday, at Burger King, the manager asked
me if I'd like a Whopper. He thought they were talking
about him. But, have to admit it's very nice - I don't
think I've ever been so happy.

Day 8 I think he took too many over the weekend.
Yesterday, instead of mowing the lawn, he was using
his new friend as a weed wacker. I'm also getting a
bit sore down there.

Day 9 No time to write. He might catch me.

Day 10 Okay, I admit it. I'm hiding. I mean, a girl
can only take so much. And to make matters worse, he's
washing the Viagra down with neat whisky! What am I
going to do? I feel tacky all over....

Day 11 I'm basically being screwed to death. It's like
living with a Black and Decker drill. I woke up this
morning hot-glued to the bed. Even my armpits hurt.
He's a complete pig.

Day 12 I wish he was gay. I've stopped wearing
make-up, cleaning my teeth or even washing but he
still keeps coming after me! Even yawning has become dangerous...

Day 13 Every time I shut my eyes, there's a sneak
attack! It's like going to bed with a scud missile. I
can hardly walk and if he tries that "Oops, sorry"
thing again, I'll kill the bastard.

Day 14 I've done everything to turn him off. Nothing
is working. I even started dressing like a nun but
this just seems to make him more horny. Help me!

Day 15 I think I'll have to kill him. I'm starting to
stick to everything I sit on. The cat and dog won't go
near him and our friends don't come over any more.
Last night I told him to go and fuck himself and he
did.

Day 16 The bastard has started to complain about
headaches. I hope the bloody thing explodes. I did
suggest he might try stopping the Viagra and going
back on Prozac.

Day 17 Switched the pills but it doesn't seem to have
made any difference...Christ! Here he comes again!

Day 18 He's back on Prozac. The lazy sod just sits
there in front of the TV all day with that remote
control in his hand and expects me to do everything
for him. What absolute bliss!

Mild morning, woken up by dog barking at the postman who was delivering a lot of junk mail.

Crawled downstairs half asleep, made a cup of tea for myself and his lordship who is still asleep, alright for some!

Bunged some washing into the washing machine, turned it on and thought I would check my emails.

Needless to say I am still sat here.

So plans for today..............none.

I know Nig is planning on painting the bathroom ceiling, but he needs to get the paint first, so at some point today it looks like I am going to have to face the crowds. Do fancy paying a visit to the sales, then I look in the mirror and think why bother. I look and feel huge. definately going to get back on the diet today, I will be huge by the time New Year arrives otherwise

Ok better get a move on and tidy up, at least shower, or perhaps I will just make myself another mug of Tea, glorious Tea