Spread your wings and fly away

*French grammar at its best...*

FREEZER BAGS: They are male, because they hold everything in, but you
can see right through them.

PHOTOCOPIERS: These are female, because once turned off, it takes a
while to warm them up again.

They are an effective reproductive device if the right buttons are
pushed, but can also wreak havoc if you push the wrong buttons.

TYRES: Tyres are male, because they go bald easily and are often over
inflated.

HOT AIR BALLOONS: Also a male object, because to get them to go
anywhere, you have to light a fire under their arse

SPONGES: These are female, because they are soft, squeezable and
retain water.

WEB PAGES:
Female, because they're constantly being looked at and frequently
getting hit on.

TRAINS: Definitely male, because they always use the same old lines
for picking up people.

EGG TIMERS: Egg timers are female because, over time, all the weight
shifts to the bottom.

HAMMERS: Male, because in the last 5000 years, they've hardly changed
at all, and are occasionally handy to have around.

THE REMOTE CONTROL: Female. Ha! You probably thought it would be male,
but consider this: It easily gives a man pleasure, he'd be lost without
it, and while he doesn't always know which buttons to push, he just
keeps trying

Once upon a time, a girl asked a guy, "Will you marry me?" The guy
said, "No" and the girl lived happily ever after and went shopping,
drank martinis with friends, always had a clean house, never had to
cook, had a closet full of shoes and handbags, stayed skinny, and was
never
farted on.

The end

An elderly Italian man who lived on the outskirts of Monte Casino

went to the local church for confession.

When the priest slid open the panel in the confessional, the man

said, "Father during World War II, a beautiful woman knocked on my door

and asked me to hide her from the enemy. So I hid her in my attic."

The priest replied, "That was a wonderful thing you did, my son, and

you have no need to confess that."

"It's worse than that, Father. She started to repay me with sexual favors"

The priest said, "By doing that, you were both in great danger.

However, two people under those circumstances can be very tempted to act

that way. But if you are truly sorry for your actions, you are indeed forgiven"

"Thank you, Father. That's a great load off my mind. But I do have one more question."

"And what is that?" asked the priest.

"Should I tell her the war is over?"

A woman went into a bar in Newfoundland and saw a Mountie with his
Feet

propped up on a table. He had the biggest boots she'd ever seen. She
asked him if was true what they say about men with big feet. The
Mountie grinned and said, "Sure is, little lady. Why don't you Come

over to the barracks and let me prove it to you?"
The woman wanted to find out for herself, so she spent the night with
Him.

The next morning she handed him a $100 bill.
Blushing, he said, "Well, thanks, ma'am. I'm real flattered. Nobody
Ever

paid me for my services before."
"Don't be flattered...take the money and buy yourself boots that fit

Do you have feelings of inadequacy?

Do you suffer from shyness?

Do you sometimes wish you were more assertive?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, ask your doctor or
pharmacist about White Wine.

White Wine is the safe, natural way to feel better and more confident about
yourself and your actions.

White Wine can help ease you out of your shyness and let you tell the world
that you're ready and willing to do just about anything.

You will notice the benefits of White Wine almost immediately, and with a
regimen of regular doses you can overcome any obstacles that

prevent you from living the life you want to live. Shyness and awkwardness
will be a thing of the past, and you will discover many talents you

never knew you had. Stop hiding and start living, with White Wine.

White Wine may not be right for everyone. Women who are pregnant or
nursing should not use White Wine. However, women who wouldn't mind

nursing or becoming pregnant are encouraged to try it. Side effects may
include dizziness, nausea, vomiting, incarceration, erotic lustfulness,

loss of motor control, loss of clothing, loss of money, loss of virginity,
delusions of grandeur, table dancing, headache, dehydration, dry mouth,

and a desire to sing Karaoke and play all-night rounds of Strip Poker, truth or dare, and naked twister.

--

Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up every two hours?

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?

Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough?

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?

What is the speed of darkness?

Are there specially reserved parking spaces for "normal" people at the Special Olympics?

If the temperature is zero outside today and it's going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?

If it's true that we are here to help others, what are the others doing here?

Do married people live longer than single ones or does it only seem longer?

Do you cry under water?

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

Did you ever stop and wonder......

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze
these pink dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"

Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there... I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta it's bum."

Why do toasters always have a setting so high that could burn the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't
point to their bum when they ask where the bathroom is?

Why does your Obstetrician, Gynaecologist leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!

Can blind people see their dreams? Do they dream??

If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests? (This one kills me!!!!)

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

Stop singing and read on . . . . . .. . . . .

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at
you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window and loves it?

Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?

Remember. A layer of dust protects the Wood beneath it.

A house becomes a home when you can write
"I love you" on the furniture."

I can't tell you how many countless hours
that I have spent CLEANING!

I used to spend at least 8 hours every weekend
making sure things were just perfect --
"in case someone came over"
Then I realized one day that no-one came over;
they were all out living life and having fun!

Now, when people visit, I find no need to
explain the "condition" of my home.
They are more interested in hearing about
the things I've been doing while I was
away living life and having fun.
If you haven't figured this out yet,
please heed this advice.

Life is short. Enjoy it!
Dust if you must,
but wouldn't it be better to
paint a picture or write a letter,
bake a cake or

plant a seed,
ponder the difference between want and need?

Dust if you must, but there's not much time,
with rivers to swim and mountains to climb,
music to hear and books to read,
friends to cherish and life to lead.

Dust if you must, but the world's out

there with the sun in your eyes,
the wind in your hair, a flutter of snow,
a shower of rain.
This day will not come around again.

Dust if you must, but bear in mind,
old age will come and it's not kind.
And when you go -- and go you must --
you, yourself will make more dust!

Share this with all the wonderful people in your life!
I JUST DID.

It's not what you gather, but what you scatter
that tells what kind of life you have lived.

THIS COMES FROM A CATHOLIC ELEMENTARY SCHOOL TEST KIDS WERE ASKED
QUESTIONS ABOUT THE OLD AND NEW TESTAMENTS.
THE FOLLOWING STATEMENTS ABOUT THE BIBLE WERE WRITTEN BY CHILDREN.
THEY HAVE NOT BEEN RETOUCHED OR CORRECTED.
INCORRECT SPELLING HAS BEEN LEFT IN.

1. IN THE FIRST BOOK OF THE BIBLE, GUINESSIS. GOD GOT TIRED OF CREATING
THE WORLD SO HE TOOK THE SABBATH OFF.

2. ADAM AND EVE WERE CREATED FROM AN APPLE TREE. NOAH'S WIFE WAS JOAN
OF ARK. NOAH BUILT AND ARK AND THE ANIMALS CAME ON IN PEARS.

3. LOTS WIFE WAS A PILLAR OF SALT DURING THE DAY, BUT A BALL OF FIRE
DURING THE NIGHT.

4. THE JEWS WERE A PROUD PEOPLE AND THROUGHOUT HISTORY THEY HAD TROUBLE
WITH UNSYMPATHETIC GENITALS.

5. SAMPSON WAS A STRONGMAN WHO LET HIMSELF BE LED ASTRAY BY A JEZEBEL
LIKE DELILAH.

6. SAMSON SLAYED THE PHILISTINES WITH THE AXE OF THE APOSTLES.

7. MOSES LED THE JEWS TO THE RED SEA WHERE THEY MADE UNLEAVENED BREAD
WHICH IS BREAD WITHOUT ANY INGREDIENTS.

8, THE EGYPTIANS WERE ALL DROWNED IN THE DESSERT. AFTERWARDS, MOSES
WENT UP TO MOUNT CYANIDE TO GET THE TEN COMMANDMENTS.

9 THE FIRST COMMANDMENTS WAS WHEN EVE TOLD ADAM TO EAT THE APPLE.

10. THE SEVENTH COMMANDMENT IS THOU SHALT NOT ADMIT ADULTERY.

11. MOSES DIED BEFORE HE EVER REACHED CANADA. THEN JOSHUA LED THE
HEBREWS IN THE BATTLE OF GERITOL.

12. THE GREATEST MIRICLE IN THE BIBLE IS WHEN JOSHUA TOLD HIS SON TO
STAND STILL AND HE OBEYED HIM.

13. DAVID WAS A HEBREW KING WHO WAS SKILLED AT PLAYING THE LIAR. HE
FOUGHT THE FINKELSTEINS, A RACE OF PEOPLE WHO LIVED IN BIBLICAL TIMES.

14. SOLOMON, ONE OF DAVIDS SONS, HAD 300 WIVES AND 700 PORCUPINES.

15. WHEN MARY HEARD SHE WAS THE MOTHER OF JESUS, SHE SANG THE MAGNA
CARTA.

16. WHEN THE THREE WISE GUYS FROM THE EAST SIDE ARRIVED THEY FOUND
JESUS IN THE MANAGER.

17. JESUS WAS BORN BECAUSE MARY HAD AN IMMACULATE CONTRAPTION.

18. ST. JOHN THE BLACKSMITH DUMPED WATER ON HIS HEAD.

19. JESUS ENUNCIATED THE GOLDEN RULE, WHICH SAYS TO DO UNTO OTHERS
BEFORE THEY DO ONE TO YOU. HE ALSO EXPLAINED A MAN DOTH NOT LIVE BY
SWEAT ALONE.

20. IT WAS A MIRICLE WHEN JESUS ROSE FROM THE DEAD AND MANAGED TO GET
THE TOMBSTONE OFF THE ENTRANCE.

21. THE PEOPLE WHO FOLLOWED THE LORD WERE CALLED THE 12 DECIBELS.

22. THE EPISTELS WERE THE WIVES OF THE APOSTLES.

23. ONE OF THE OPPOSSUMS WAS ST. MATTHEW WHO WAS ALSO A TAXIMAN.

24. ST. PAUL CAVORTED TO CHRISTIANITY, HE PREACHED HOLY ACRIMONY WHICH
IS ANOTHER NAME FOR MARRAIGE.

25. CHRISTIANS HAVE ONLY ONE SPOUSE. THIS IS CALLED MONOTONY.

Dorothy and Edna, two "senior" widows, are talking.

Dorothy: "That nice George Johnson asked me out for a date. I know
you went out with him last week, and I wanted to talk with you about
him before I give him my answer."

Edna: "Well, I'll tell you. He shows up at my apartment punctually at
7:00 P.M., dressed like such a gentleman in a fine suit, and he
brings
me
such beautiful flowers! Then he takes me downstairs, and what's there
but
a luxury car... A limousine, uniformed chauffeur and all. Then he
takes
me
out for dinner... A marvelous dinner... Lobster, champagne, dessert,
and after-dinner drinks. Then we go see a show. Let me tell you,
Dorothy,
I
enjoyed it so much I could have just died from pleasure!

So then we are coming back to my apartment and he turns into an
ANIMAL. Completely crazy, he tears off my expensive new dress and has
his way with me two times!"

Dorothy: "Goodness gracious! ... So you are telling me I shouldn't go
out with him?"

Edna: "No, no, no... I'm just saying, wear an old dress.

Paddy had been drinking at his local Dublin pub all
day and most of the night celebrating St Patrick's Day. Mick, the
bartender says, "You'll not be drinking anymore tonight Paddy".
Paddy replies, "OK Mick, I'll be on my way then."
Paddy spins around on his stool and steps off.
He falls flat on his face. "Shoite" he says and pulls
himself up by the stool and dusts himself off.
He takes a step towards the door and falls flat on
his face, "Shoite, Shoite!"
He looks to the doorway and thinks to himself that
if he can just get to the door and some fresh air he'll be
fine.
He belly crawls to the door and shimmies up to the
door frame.
He sticks his head outside and takes a deep breath
of fresh air, feels much better and takes a step out onto the
sidewalk and falls flat on his face.
"Bi'Jesus... I'm fockin' focked," he says.
He can see his house just a few doors down, and crawls to the door,
hauls himself up the door frame, opens the door and
shimmies inside.
He takes a look up the stairs and says "No fockin'
way". He crawls up the stairs to his bedroom door and says
"I can Make it to the bed." He takes a step into the
room and falls flat on his face.
He says "Fock it" and falls into bed.
The next morning, his wife, Jess, comes into the
room carrying a cup of coffee and says, "Get up Paddy.
Did you have a bit to drink last night?".

Paddy says, "I did Jess. I was fockin' pissed. But
how'd you know?"

"Mick phoned, . . . You left your wheelchair at the
pub."

NO SPEAKAH DE ENGLISH

A bus stops and 2 men get on. They sit down and engage in an
animated conversation. The lady sitting next to them ignores them
at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of
them say the following: "Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses
come together. I come once-a-more! . Two asses, they come together
again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come one lasta time."
The lady can't take this any more,

"You foul-mouthed sex obsessed pig," she retorted indignantly. "In
this country. we don't speak aloud in public places about our sex
lives.

"Hey, coola down lady," said the man.

"Who talkin'abouta sex? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spell
'Mississippi'."

$5.00 says you're gonna read this again!

COCA'COLA COMPANY
PROMOTION/PRIZE AWARD
DEPTCOCA'COLA AVENUE
STAMFORD BRIDGE LONDON .
SW1V 3DW UNITED KINGDOM

THE COCA'COLA COMPANY OFFICIAL PRIZE NOTIFICATION

We are pleased to inform you of the result of the just concluded annual final draws held on the (1st January 2007) by Coca-Cola in conjunction with the British American Tobacco Worldwide Promotion, your email was among the 20 Lucky winners who won £1,000,000.00 each on the THE COCA'COLA COMPANY PROMOTION

However the results were released on the 16th Febuary 2007 and your email was attached to ticket number (-----------) and ballot number (BT: ----------) The online draws was conducted by a random selection of email addresses from an exclusive list of 29,031 E-mail addresses of individuals and corporate bodies picked by an advanced automated random computer search from the internet. However, no tickets were sold but all email addresses were assigned to different ticket numbers for representation and privacy.

The selection process was carried out through random selection in our computerized email selection machine (TOPAZ) from a database of over 250,000 email addresses drawn from all the continents of the world.

This Lottery is approved by the British Gaming Board and also licensed by The International Association of Gaming Regulators (IAGR). This lottery is the 3rd of its kind and we intend to sensitize the public.

In other to claim your £1, 000, 000 00 prize winning, which has been deposited in a designated bank. However, you will have to fill the form below and send it to the Promotion manager of THE COCA'COLA COMPANY for verification and then you will be directed to the next procedures on how to collect your winning money price.

NAME..........................
AGE.......................................
SEX.......................................
ADDRESS..............................
EMAIL...................................
PHONE..................................
OCCUPATION........................
MARITAL STATUS.................
COMPANY.............................
COUNTRY..............................

Please you are advice to complete the form and send it immediately to our Promotion manager through email or fax for prompt collection of your fund from the designated bank.

(CONTACT PROMOTION MANAGER)

Name: Mr. Bruce Allen.
Phone: +44 7024025467.
Email: agent_claimoffice113@yahoo.com.

You are to keep all lotto information away from the general public especially your ticket number and ballot number. (This is important as a case of double claims will not be entertained).

Warning!!!: Fraudulent emails are circulating that appear to be from Coca Cola Lottery, but are not from Coca ColaLottery.

PLEASE REPORT IMMEDIATELY TO :
CUSTOMER CARE/COMPLAINTS DEPT AT National Coca Cola Lottery Services, 209,Stamford Bridge London England.

*Staff of Coca-Cola and the British American Tobacco Company is not to partake in this Lottery.

Accept my hearty congratulations once again!

Yours faithfully,
Mrs. Merriam Wilcox
(Online Coordinator)

I have several email addresses, quite a few of which I rarely check. This was in the inbox of one of them. Fortunately I am not gulliable, so I will not take them up on the offer of sending them my name, address etc to find out where they have put my so called money.

I have checked it out and it seems to be one of the many lottery scams that are going around at the moment, so please take care and beware.

Well I like to dream.

Not in paradise but it is still fairly mild. The sun we had earlier, fleetingly, has now disappeared and the skies are clouding over - obviously we are in for another batch of rain - oh joy.

I have done my exercises, toned those stomach muscles again, yet they are still hanging lose - really think two c sections cut all the muscles away yet still I try

Showered and dressed and ready for what the day throws at me at work. Realised I still have some lunch there from yesterday as I had a school dinner for a change - cup a soup didn't appeal much at all, so will have that today instead.

While looking up some sites for work later I came across this poem I thought I would share. Appropriately it is title Ash Wednesday and is written by T.S Eliot. It is quite long but is lovely all the same.

Ash Wednesday
T.S. Eliot

Because I do not hope to turn again
Because I do not hope
Because I do not hope to turn
Desiring this man's gift and that man's scope
I no longer strive to strive towards such things
(Why should the agèd eagle stretch its wings?)
Why should I mourn
The vanished power of the usual reign?

Because I do not hope to know
The infirm glory of the positive hour
Because I do not think
Because I know I shall not know
The one veritable transitory power
Because I cannot drink
There, where trees flower, and springs flow, for there is
nothing again

Because I know that time is always time
And place is always and only place
And what is actual is actual only for one time
And only for one place
I rejoice that things are as they are and
I renounce the blessèd face
And renounce the voice
Because I cannot hope to turn again
Consequently I rejoice, having to construct something
Upon which to rejoice

And pray to God to have mercy upon us
And pray that I may forget
These matters that with myself I too much discuss
Too much explain
Because I do not hope to turn again
Let these words answer
For what is done, not to be done again
May the judgement not be too heavy upon us

Because these wings are no longer wings to fly
But merely vans to beat the air
The air which is now thoroughly small and dry
Smaller and dryer than the will
Teach us to care and not to care Teach us to sit still.

Pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death
Pray for us now and at the hour of our death.

II
Lady, three white leopards sat under a juniper-tree
In the cool of the day, having fed to sateity
On my legs my heart my liver and that which had been
contained
In the hollow round of my skull. And God said
Shall these bones live? shall these
Bones live? And that which had been contained
In the bones (which were already dry) said chirping:
Because of the goodness of this Lady
And because of her loveliness, and because
She honours the Virgin in meditation,
We shine with brightness. And I who am here dissembled
Proffer my deeds to oblivion, and my love
To the posterity of the desert and the fruit of the gourd.
It is this which recovers
My guts the strings of my eyes and the indigestible portions
Which the leopards reject. The Lady is withdrawn
In a white gown, to contemplation, in a white gown.
Let the whiteness of bones atone to forgetfulness.
There is no life in them. As I am forgotten
And would be forgotten, so I would forget
Thus devoted, concentrated in purpose. And God said
Prophesy to the wind, to the wind only for only
The wind will listen. And the bones sang chirping
With the burden of the grasshopper, saying

Lady of silences
Calm and distressed
Torn and most whole
Rose of memory
Rose of forgetfulness
Exhausted and life-giving
Worried reposeful
The single Rose
Is now the Garden
Where all loves end
Terminate torment
Of love unsatisfied
The greater torment
Of love satisfied
End of the endless
Journey to no end
Conclusion of all that
Is inconclusible
Speech without word and
Word of no speech
Grace to the Mother
For the Garden
Where all love ends.

Under a juniper-tree the bones sang, scattered and shining
We are glad to be scattered, we did little good to each other,
Under a tree in the cool of day, with the blessing of sand,
Forgetting themselves and each other, united
In the quiet of the desert. This is the land which ye
Shall divide by lot. And neither division nor unity
Matters. This is the land. We have our inheritance.

III

At the first turning of the second stair
I turned and saw below
The same shape twisted on the banister
Under the vapour in the fetid air
Struggling with the devil of the stairs who wears
The deceitul face of hope and of despair.

At the second turning of the second stair
I left them twisting, turning below;
There were no more faces and the stair was dark,
Damp, jaggèd, like an old man's mouth drivelling, beyond
repair,
Or the toothed gullet of an agèd shark.

At the first turning of the third stair
Was a slotted window bellied like the figs's fruit
And beyond the hawthorn blossom and a pasture scene
The broadbacked figure drest in blue and green
Enchanted the maytime with an antique flute.
Blown hair is sweet, brown hair over the mouth blown,
Lilac and brown hair;
Distraction, music of the flute, stops and steps of the mind
over the third stair,
Fading, fading; strength beyond hope and despair
Climbing the third stair.

Lord, I am not worthy
Lord, I am not worthy

but speak the word only.

IV
Who walked between the violet and the violet
Whe walked between
The various ranks of varied green
Going in white and blue, in Mary's colour,
Talking of trivial things
In ignorance and knowledge of eternal dolour
Who moved among the others as they walked,
Who then made strong the fountains and made fresh the
springs

Made cool the dry rock and made firm the sand
In blue of larkspur, blue of Mary's colour,
Sovegna vos

Here are the years that walk between, bearing
Away the fiddles and the flutes, restoring
One who moves in the time between sleep and waking,
wearing

White light folded, sheathing about her, folded.
The new years walk, restoring
Through a bright cloud of tears, the years, restoring
With a new verse the ancient rhyme. Redeem
The time. Redeem
The unread vision in the higher dream
While jewelled unicorns draw by the gilded hearse.

The silent sister veiled in white and blue
Between the yews, behind the garden god,
Whose flute is breathless, bent her head and signed but
spoke no word

But the fountain sprang up and the bird sang down
Redeem the time, redeem the dream
The token of the word unheard, unspoken

Till the wind shake a thousand whispers from the yew

And after this our exile

V
If the lost word is lost, if the spent word is spent
If the unheard, unspoken
Word is unspoken, unheard;
Still is the unspoken word, the Word unheard,
The Word without a word, the Word within
The world and for the world;
And the light shone in darkness and
Against the Word the unstilled world still whirled
About the centre of the silent Word.

O my people, what have I done unto thee.

Where shall the word be found, where will the word
Resound? Not here, there is not enough silence
Not on the sea or on the islands, not
On the mainland, in the desert or the rain land,
For those who walk in darkness
Both in the day time and in the night time
The right time and the right place are not here
No place of grace for those who avoid the face
No time to rejoice for those who walk among noise and deny
the voice

Will the veiled sister pray for
Those who walk in darkness, who chose thee and oppose
thee,
Those who are torn on the horn between season and season,
time and time, between
Hour and hour, word and word, power and power, those who
wait
In darkness? Will the veiled sister pray
For children at the gate
Who will not go away and cannot pray:
Pray for those who chose and oppose

O my people, what have I done unto thee.

Will the veiled sister between the slender
Yew trees pray for those who offend her
And are terrified and cannot surrender
And affirm before the world and deny between the rocks
In the last desert before the last blue rocks
The desert in the garden the garden in the desert
Of drouth, spitting from the mouth the withered apple-seed.

O my people.

VI
Although I do not hope to turn again
Although I do not hope
Although I do not hope to turn

Wavering between the profit and the loss
In this brief transit where the dreams cross
The dreamcrossed twilight between birth and dying
(Bless me father) though I do not wish to wish these things
From the wide window towards the granite shore
The white sails still fly seaward, seaward flying
Unbroken wings

And the lost heart stiffens and rejoices
In the lost lilac and the lost sea voices
And the weak spirit quickens to rebel
For the bent golden-rod and the lost sea smell
Quickens to recover
The cry of quail and the whirling plover
And the blind eye creates
The empty forms between the ivory gates
And smell renews the salt savour of the sandy earth

This is the time of tension between dying and birth
The place of solitude where three dreams cross
Between blue rocks
But when the voices shaken from the yew-tree drift away
Let the other yew be shaken and reply.

Blessèd sister, holy mother, spirit of the fountain, spirit of the
garden,
Suffer us not to mock ourselves with falsehood
Teach us to care and not to care
Teach us to sit still
Even among these rocks,
Our peace in His will
And even among these rocks
Sister, mother
And spirit of the river, spirit of the sea,
Suffer me not to be separated

And let my cry come unto Thee.

Ash Wednesday
T.S. Eliot

Have a good day

Thank you for taking the time to register your views about road pricing on the Downing Street website.

This petition was posted shortly before we published the Eddington Study, an independent review of Britain's transport network. This study set out long-term challenges and options for our transport network.

It made clear that congestion is a major problem to which there is no easy answer. One aspect of the study was highlighting how road pricing could provide a solution to these problems and that advances in technology put these plans within our reach. Of course it would be ten years or more before any national scheme was technologically, never mind politically, feasible.

That is the backdrop to this issue. As my response makes clear, this is not about imposing "stealth taxes" or introducing "Big Brother" surveillance. This is a complex subject, which cannot be resolved without a thorough investigation of all the options, combined with a full and frank debate about the choices we face at a local and national level. That's why I hope this detailed response will address your concerns and set out how we intend to take this issue forward. I see this email as the beginning, not the end of the debate, and the links below provide an opportunity for you to take it further.

But let me be clear straight away: we have not made any decision about national road pricing. Indeed we are simply not yet in a position to do so. We are, for now, working with some local authorities that are interested in establishing local schemes to help address local congestion problems. Pricing is not being forced on any area, but any schemes would teach us more about how road pricing would work and inform decisions on a national scheme. And funds raised from these local schemes will be used to improve transport in those areas.

One thing I suspect we can all agree is that congestion is bad. It's bad for business because it disrupts the delivery of goods and services. It affects people's quality of life. And it is bad for the environment. That is why tackling congestion is a key priority for any Government.

Congestion is predicted to increase by 25% by 2015. This is being driven by economic prosperity. There are 6 million more vehicles on the road now than in 1997, and predictions are that this trend will continue.

Part of the solution is to improve public transport, and to make the most of the existing road network. We have more than doubled investment since 1997, spending £2.5 billion this year on buses and over £4 billion on trains - helping to explain why more people are using them than for decades. And we're committed to sustaining this investment, with over £140 billion of investment planned between now and 2015. We're also putting a great deal of effort into improving traffic flows - for example, over 1000 Highways Agency Traffic Officers now help to keep motorway traffic moving.

But all the evidence shows that improving public transport and tackling traffic bottlenecks will not by themselves prevent congestion getting worse. So we have a difficult choice to make about how we tackle the expected increase in congestion. This is a challenge that all political leaders have to face up to, and not just in the UK. For example, road pricing schemes are already in operation in Italy, Norway and Singapore, and others, such as the Netherlands, are developing schemes. Towns and cities across the world are looking at road pricing as a means of addressing congestion.

One option would be to allow congestion to grow unchecked. Given the forecast growth in traffic, doing nothing would mean that journeys within and between cities would take longer, and be less reliable. I think that would be bad for businesses, individuals and the environment. And the costs on us all will be real - congestion could cost an extra £22 billion in wasted time in England by 2025, of which £10-12 billion would be the direct cost on businesses.

A second option would be to try to build our way out of congestion. We could, of course, add new lanes to our motorways, widen roads in our congested city centres, and build new routes across the countryside. Certainly in some places new capacity will be part of the story. That is why we are widening the M25, M1 and M62. But I think people agree that we cannot simply build more and more roads, particularly when the evidence suggests that traffic quickly grows to fill any new capacity.

Tackling congestion in this way would also be extremely costly, requiring substantial sums to be diverted from other services such as education and health, or increases in taxes. If I tell you that one mile of new motorway costs as much as £30m, you'll have an idea of the sums this approach would entail.

That is why I believe that at least we need to explore the contribution road pricing can make to tackling congestion. It would not be in anyone's interests, especially those of motorists, to slam the door shut on road pricing without exploring it further.

It has been calculated that a national scheme - as part of a wider package of measures - could cut congestion significantly through small changes in our overall travel patterns. But any technology used would have to give definite guarantees about privacy being protected - as it should be. Existing technologies, such as mobile phones and pay-as-you-drive insurance schemes, may well be able to play a role here, by ensuring that the Government doesn't hold information about where vehicles have been. But there may also be opportunities presented by developments in new technology. Just as new medical technology is changing the NHS, so there will be changes in the transport sector. Our aim is to relieve traffic jams, not create a "Big Brother" society.

I know many people's biggest worry about road pricing is that it will be a "stealth tax" on motorists. It won't. Road pricing is about tackling congestion.

Clearly if we decided to move towards a system of national road pricing, there could be a case for moving away from the current system of motoring taxation. This could mean that those who use their car less, or can travel at less congested times, in less congested areas, for example in rural areas, would benefit from lower motoring costs overall. Those who travel longer distances at peak times and in more congested areas would pay more. But those are decisions for the future. At this stage, when no firm decision has been taken as to whether we will move towards a national scheme, stories about possible costs are simply not credible, since they depend on so many variables yet to be investigated, never mind decided.

Before we take any decisions about a national pricing scheme, we know that we have to have a system that works. A system that respects our privacy as individuals. A system that is fair. I fully accept that we don't have all the answers yet. That is why we are not rushing headlong into a national road pricing scheme. Before we take any decisions there would be further consultations. The public will, of course, have their say, as will Parliament.

We want to continue this debate, so that we can build a consensus around the best way to reduce congestion, protect the environment and support our businesses. If you want to find out more, please visit the attached links to more detailed information, and which also give opportunities to engage in further debate.

Can see this debate raging on forever though we all know it will go ahead in the end.

A lady walks into a BMW dealership and browses around. Suddenly she spots
the most perfect, beautiful car and walks over to inspect it. As she bends
forward to feel the fine leather upholstery, an unexpected little fart
escapes
her.

Very embarrassed, she anxiously looks round to see if anyone has noticed
and hopes a sales person doesn't pop up right now. As she turns back, there
standing next to her is a salesman. With a pleasant smile he greets her,
"Good day, Madame. How may we help you today?

Trying to maintain an air of sophistication and acting as though nothing
had happened, she smiles back and asks, "Sir, what is the price of this
lovely
vehicle?"

Still smiling pleasantly, he replies, "Madame, I'm very sorry to say that
if you farted just touching it, you are going to shit yourself when you
hear
the price."

It is pouring down outside. We have also had thunder and lighting as well, all quite weird really.

Excitement of this morning,(well hubby got excited, I really couldn't care less it means nothing) email from one of Tony Blairs Minions about the road congestion charge - yes I signed the petition. I haven't had chance to read through it yet in full, just glanced through it, and as expected it seems a lot of justification.

It does state that it is unlikely to go ahead for ten years or so, but they are 'piloting' a number of schemes in varous towns and cities - in other words it will come in a lot sooner.

Cynical me? Never.

Ok I agree something needs to be done about congestion. At the moment for my husband to work in London his firm pay for the congestion charge for him to do so, however they are unlikely to pay for him to travel from our home to work, a cost that will likely cripple us and it is no use telling me that they may do away with car tax - yippee in the end we will end up paying more. Can't afford to move nearer to his work or my family so we will be affected by it.

However in the long run I can't see how anyone will benefit, costs of everything will go up from food to getting an electrician to wire the lights or a plumber to look at your boiler - we the consummer will lose out in the end.

Ah well it will be interesting to see what happens. Better go and read that email now!