Spread your wings and fly away

Quiz night is cancelled due to illnesses, people not able to get there, and people being on holiday.

Oh well lets see if I can persuade hubby to take me out instead!

Quiz night looms and before we can go we have to wait for the garage to phone to tell Nig to come and collect van - hopefully they managed to replace the break pads!

Not much got done int he way of housework afterall, but I have made room in my wardrobe for the mountain of clothes I ironed1 There are quite a few bags of clothes to go to the clothes bank tomorrow.

In other news, hubby has decided that we will go and watch POTC on Saturday, then eldest gets a message from his friend asking him if he will go with him to watch it on Sunday - great thinks I, one less child to pay for

Cruel mum that I am I know, but he is 15 and never goes anywhere so it will be nice if he actually does go out with a friend for a change!

Right better go and smarten myself up

It really is beginning to piss me off big time.

Sure at first people get sympathies, no one wants to suffer the loss of a child, but the media circus that surounds the McCanns is getting vastly out of control.

There was I watching the telly the other day and an advert comes on about Madeleine and her being missing - isn't it enough that it is being discussed daily on the telly/radio in the newspapers and everywhere else? If you had listened to the news yesterday you would have been forgiven for thinking that the only thing going on in this vast world of ours was the fact that the McCanns were meeting the pope, the fact that a butterfly landed on Mrs McCanns's arm, and the photo they gave to the pope of Madeleine (please pass me the sick bucket!)

These people were negligent, there is no other word for their behaviour!

So there I was today looking through my emails and yet again another email poster is in my inbox about Madeleine which I delete rather than pass on because it is getting too much when one of my friends has sent me this:

The Vatican states that the Catholic Church condemns as gravely evil acts, both IVF in and of itself, and stem cell research performed on IVF embryos." – an treatment that the McCanns have gone through TWICE, and Pope Benedict himself stated in June last year “The human being has the right to be generated, not produced, to come to life not in virtue of an artificial process but of a human act in the full sense of the term: the union between a man and a woman".

In July of last year, the Pope even suggested anyone involved in the creation of an embryo ex-vitro which would be frozen or discarded should be excommunicated from the Catholic Church. The Pope cannot possibly ignore this. He has been very vocal on the subject and even sabotaged a referendum in Italy on it and yet here he is meeting them and giving them a blessing.

I am not against anyone having IVF treatment. There are rules that all religions have that I am against or do not agree with. However if you are head of a church and you have these rules then stick by them. All this makes me sick!

Sorry but this just shows how hypocritical the church, religion is, (and I apologise to any Catholics offended by this but really there are so many of you that do not agree with some things in your own religion is you are honest now) and how publicity seeking, self centered, smug and nauseating the McCanns are.

Sorry just needed to rant!

EDIT: The email came from a Deacon in the Catholic Church who is not very happy with all this at the moment!

6.30 hubby brings me up a cup of tea, which I drink then go back to sleep when he goes of to work, taking eldest son with him.

8.30 youngest comes upstairs with my phone which apparently has been bleeping! Read message, replied and then snuggled down again.

9:00 Post arrives, so does youngest who brings it upstairs - catalogues for you mum he says

So I wearily get out of bed and get dressed and read through catalogues before throwing them out while having my breakfast.

Have housework to do today hence me not getting washed yet,(though I did shower before I went to bed) once done will do exercises then get showered for this evening.

Quiz night tonight and under strict instructions to text friend if we get stuck because she is feeling left out as she has to go away today and was at the airport when she text me.

So one member of group missing, not good when we are so useless at the questions anyway

Ironing has finally been finished, will put it all away tomorrow once I have sorted all the wardrobes and cupboards out!

My one in particular, I can;t get anymore t shirts in so really needs a good sort out!

Having watched a film and several crap tv shows, eaten dinner and caught up on here, I am now heading off to bed to curl up and read a chapter or two, or maybe just sleep

See you tomorrow!

Asked if anyone knew of a poem that a friend was asking me about earlier which Redleader kindly supplied and it turned out it wasn't that one.

However after a lot of searching I think I have found it and thought it would be appropriate to post here as well.

SOME PEOPLE
Some people come into our lives
and leave footprints on our hearts
and we are never ever the same.

Some people come into our lives
and quickly go... Some stay for awhile
and embrace our silent dreams.

They help us become aware
of the delicate winds of hope...
and we discover within every human spirit
there are wings yearning to fly.

They help our hearts to see that
the only stairway to the stars
is woven with dreams...
and we find ourselves
unafraid to reach high.

They celebrate the true essence
of who we are...
and have faith in all
that we may become.

Some people awaken us
to new and deeper realizations...
for we gain insight
from the passing whisper of their wisdom

Throughout our lives we are sent
precious souls...
meant to share our journey
however brief or lasting their stay
they remind us why we are here.

To learn... to teach... to nurture... to love

Some people come into our lives
to cast a steady light
upon our path and guide our every step
their shining belief in us
helps us to believe in ourselves.

Some people come into our
lives to teach us about love...
The love that rests within ourselves.

Let us reach out to others
and feel the bliss of giving
for love is far richer in action
that it ever is in words.

Some people come into our lives
and they move our souls to sing
and make our spirits dance.

They help us to see that everything on earth
is part of the incredibility of life...
and that it is always there
for us to take of its joy.

Some people come into our lives
and leave footprints on our hearts
and we are never ever the same.

by Flavia Weedn

I am applying for this

Good fun

I was determined that this time I was not going to cry.

Afterall I have an iron in my hand and I am determined to clear that ironing pile that is taking over the conservatory.

So I watched the film and then it happens - tears streaming down face and I am sobbing, can't help it, can't be a brave mum.

Except what made me smile was eldest watching film with me is also in tears, though trying very very hard to hold it all in until he sees me look then he is in the same sobbing state I am.

yes Armageddon just gets to me everytime!

Please can you help me

Does anyone out there know of a poem about meeting someone for a minute, or a short while or a lifetime, and they are here for that time for a purpose?

just been asked for it on another forum and can't seem to find it though it does sound familiar

Sorry it is vague

Thanks in advance.

It's raining again, in fact it hasn't stopped from yesterday and I have a pile of washing to get through and two very bored children.

We could go swimming and get even wetter, but that was met with a frown from both children so given up on that idea. My walks have gone out of the window and controlling a greyhound while holding an umbrella isn't much fun and anyway both dogs hate the rain and getting wet even with their doggy coats on.

So I have sat here for the last hour looking up control pants on the figleaves site to go under my wedding outfit to give me a 'nice silouhette' as recommended by Mr Gok

No luck on that front either as all the ones that I think are suitable are out of stock Damm!!

Ah well back to the drawing board better go and do some ironing

A British coach driver got so fed up with German tourists bagging every sunbed that he set fire to their towels.

Glyn Bowden, 55, was locked up by police in Italy after his early morning raid, reports the Daily Mail.

He was coach driver for a party of 55 British holidaymakers at Viana Marina, near San Remo, on the Italian Riviera.

The first time the group from South Wales complained to him about the German sunbed baggers, he said "Leave it to me" and dumped all of the towels at the end of the pool.

Mr Bowden said: "The following morning the Germans put them down even earlier so I did the same - with them shaking their fists at me from their windows.

"The next morning about 20 towels were there again so I collected them up, put them on a pile on the beach - and lit them.

"All the British tourists were cheering. But just a few minutes afterwards three police officers turned up and arrested me.

"They were going to charge me with criminal damage but the hotel - which owned the towels -intervened on my behalf."

Mr Bowden, from Tonyrefail, near Rhondda, added: "The Germans thought they owned the private beach but I wanted to make sure my tourists got a crack of the whip."

Can understand how he feels though lol

More than a 10,000 people die of diseases every hour.
More than 1000 people die of smoking every minute.
More than 100 people die of accidents every second
More than 10 people die of some cause every microsecond.
More than 1 person dies without even being born to count the time.

Around the world.

I just want to Congratulate you on being Alive

Right off to watch one of the best shows on telly at the moment - How to look good naked - to see if I can get some inspiration for loving my body or some tips on how I should dress lol!

Course it is worth watching the programme just to see what this designer is up to:

Last week he rubbed his head in some womans breast because he thought they looked lovely! He really is a laugh and worth watching

See you later!

One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Joe says to Mike behind him,

"My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I'd better see a doctor."

"Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money," Mike replies.

"There's a diagnostic computer down at Wal-Mart. Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong and what to do about it.

It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars . . . A lot cheaper than a doctor."

So, Joe deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Wal-Mart.

He deposits ten dollars, and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample.
He pours the sample into the slot and waits.

Ten seconds later, the
computer ejects a printout:

"You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm
water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks. Thank you for
shopping @ Wal-Mart."

That evening, while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Joe began wondering if the computer could be fooled.

He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and a sperm sample for good measure.

Joe hurries back to
Wal-Mart, eager to check the results. He deposits ten dollars, pours in his
concoction, and awaits the results.

The computer prints the
following:

1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. (Aisle 9)
2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo. (Aisle 7)
3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.
4 Your wife
is pregnant. Twins. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
5 If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better!

Thank you for shopping @

Wal-Mart

This is for all the germ conscious folks that worry about using cold water to clean.

Frank went to visit his 90 year old grandfather in a very secluded, rural area of Georgia .

After spending a great evening chatting the night away, Frank's grandfather prepared breakfast of bacon, eggs and toast. However, Frank noticed a film like substance on his plate, and questioned his grandfather asking, "Are these plates clean?"

His grandfather replied, "They're as clean as cold water can get them. Just you go ahead and finish your meal, Sonny!"

For lunch the old man made hamburgers. Again, Frank was concerned about the plates as his appeared to have tiny specks around the edge that looked like dried egg and asked, "Are you sure these plates are clean?"

Without looking up the old man said, "I told you before, Sonny, those dishes are as clean as cold water can get them. Now don't you fret, I don't want to hear another word about it!"

Later that afternoon, Frank was on his way to a nearby town and as he was leaving, his grandfather's dog started to growl, and wouldn't let him pass. Frank yelled and said, "Grandfather, your dog won't let me get to my car".

Without diverting his attention from the football game he was watching on TV, the old man shouted...

"COLDWATER, GO LAY DOWN!!!!"

We have had it all today weather wise, apart from snow though i expect that to appear at some point.

One minute brilliant sunshine that you have to take of the layers that you put on this morning to keep out the cold.

Then high winds and a chill with a - factor that makes you want to put all your layers back on again.

Then thunder and no rain.

Thunder with rain

Rain with sun
Rain with wind
sun
sun
sun
wind and rain again

And now hailstones to top it of nicely!

Sun has just emerged again though I don't think I will bother trying to get the washing on the line again

Decided this morning that I had to get back on the diet and stop faffing about with it all. This meant that as there was nothing, and I mean nothing in the cupboards that i had to go shopping. so after a quick brekkie of scramble eggs on toast I headed off to St. Albans to the nearest Morrisons store to stock up.

Full trolley , in fact overflowing a bit and it all came to just under £68 not bad for a weeks grocery shop.

Stocked up on lots of different types of fruit to snack on and sort of planned meals for this week but still have to see what the rest of the week brings as yet.

Youngest child came with me bless him. Since the day he started to talk he hasn't stopped - he has an opinion on everything and if he told me one more time that POTC was now in the cinemas I swear I would have killed him1 I know it is on, but at the moment I don't want to sit in a packed cinema to watch it hence the reason why we are waiting until next week! But no he then goes on to tell me all about the main characters and what they do like I have never seen the film - er didn't we watch the first movie yesterday? And no doubt when hubby comes home we will be watching the 2nd one tonight!

On and on he went like a broken down record. I have managed to get him to go to his friends house now so that I have a little peace and quiet. Eldest has just put the shopping away for me and made me a lovely cup of tea bless him. He is now waiting to go on the computer - always an alterior oops ulterior motive isn't there!

Bye for now

Came into my email earlier and I must admit to having a little chuckle!

I walked into a Blimpie's with a buy-one-get-one-free coupon for a sandwich.
I handed it to the girl and she looked over at a little chalkboard that said,
"Buy one-get one free". "They are already buy-one-get-one-free", she said,
"so I guess they're both free." She handed me my free sandwiches and I
walked out the door.

They walk among us and many work retail.

===================

One day I was walking down the beach with some friends when one of them
shouted, "Look at that dead bird!" Someone looked up at the sky and said,
"Where?"

They Walk among us!

====================

While looking at a house, my brother asked the real estate agent which
direction was north because, he explained, he didn't want the sun waking him
up every morning. She asked, "Does the sun rise in the north?"
When my brother explained that the sun rises in the east, and has for
sometime, she shook her head and said, "Oh, I don't keep up with that stuff."

They Walk Among Us!!

====================

I used to work in technical support for a 24/7 call center. One day I
got a call from an individual who asked what hours the call center was open.
I told him, "The number you dialed is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week."

He responded, "Is that Eastern or Pacific time?"
Wanting to end the call quickly, I said, "Uh, Pacific."

They Walk Among Us!

====================

My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car designed to cut through
a seat belt if she gets trapped. She keeps it in the boot.

They Walk Among Us!

====================

My friends and I were on a beer run and noticed that the cases were
discounted 10%. Since it was a big party, we bought 2 cases.
The cashier multiplied 2 times 10% and gave us a 20% discount.

They Walk Among Us!

====================

I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area, so I went to
the lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags never
showed up. She smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained
professional and I was in good hands.

"Now," she asked me, "has your plane arrived yet?"

They Walk Among Us!

====================

While working at a pizza parlor I observed a man ordering a small
pizza to go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he
would like it cut into 4 pieces or 6. He thought about it for some time
before responding.

"Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don't think I'm hungry enough to eat 6 pieces."

Yep, They Walk Among Us!

====================

They walk among us, AND they reproduce!

=====================
--

Little Lucy went out into the garden and saw her cat Piddles
lying on the ground with its eyes shut and its legs in the air.
She fetched her Dad to look at Piddles, and on seeing the cat he
said, as gently as he could,

"I'm afraid Piddles is dead, Lucy."

"So why are his legs sticking up in the air like that, Daddy?"
asked Lucy as she fought back the tears.

At a loss for something to say the father replied, "Piddles'
legs are pointing straight up in the air so that it will be
easier for Jesus to float down from heaven above and grab a leg
and lift Piddles up to heaven."

Little Lucy seemed to take her Piddles' death quite well.
However, two days later when her father came home from work,
Lucy had tears in her eyes and said: "Mommy almost died this
morning."

Fearing something terrible had happened the father shook the
girl and shouted, "How do you mean Lucy? Tell Daddy!"

"Well", mumbled Lucy, "soon after you left for work this morning
I saw mommy lying on the floor with her legs in the air and she
was shouting, "Oh Jesus!!! I'm coming, I'm coming!!!" and if it
hadn't been for the milkman She'd have fu***ng gone!!!

The first day of school our professor introduced himself and challenged us to get to know someone we didn't already know. I stood up to look around when a gentle hand touched my shoulder.

I turned round to find a wrinkled, little old lady beaming up at me with a smile that lit up her entire being.

She said, 'Hi handsome. My name is Rose.

I'm eighty-seven years old. Can I give you a hug?'

I laughed and enthusiastically responded, 'Of course you may!' and she gave me a giant squeeze.

'Why are you in college at such a young, innocent age?' I asked.

She jokingly replied, 'I'm here to meet a rich husband, get married, and have a couple of kids...'

'No seriously,' I asked. I was curious what may have motivated her to be taking on this challenge at her age.

'I always dreamed of having a college education and now I'm getting one!' she told me.

After class we walked to the student union building and shared a chocolate milkshake.

We became instant friends. Every day for the next three months we would leave class together and talk njava-script. I was always mesmerized listening to this 'time machine' as she shared her wisdom and experience with me. Over the course of the year, Rose became a campus icon and she easily made friends wherever she went.

She loved to dress up and she revelled in the attention bestowed upon her from the other students. She was living it up. At the end of the semester we invited Rose to speak at our football banquet. I'll never forget what she taught us. She was introduced and stepped up to the podium. As she began to deliver her prepared speech, she dropped her three by five cards on the floor.
Frustrated and a little embarrassed she leaned into the microphone and simply said, 'I'm sorry I'm so jittery. I gave up beer for Lent and this whiskey is killing me! I'll never get my speech back in order so let me just tell you what I know.' As we laughed she cleared her throat and began, 'We do not stop playing because we are old; we grow old because we stop playing.

There are only four secrets to staying young, being happy, and achieving success. You have to laugh and find humour every day. You've got to have a dream. When you lose your dreams, you die.

We have so many people walking around who are dead and don' t even know it!

There is a huge difference between growing older and growing up.

If you are nineteen years old and lie in bed for one full year and don't do one productive thing, you will turn twenty years old. If I am eighty-seven years old and stay in bed for a year and never do anything I will turn eighty-eight.

Anybody can grow older. That doesn't take any talent or ability. The idea is to grow up by always finding opportunity in change. Have no regrets.

The elderly usually don't have regrets for what we did, but rather for things we did not do. The only people who fear death are those with regrets.'

She concluded her speech by courageously singing 'The Rose.'

She challenged each of us to study the lyrics and live them out in our daily lives.

At the year's end Rose finished the college degree she had begun all those years ago.

One week after graduation Rose died peacefully in her sleep.

Over two thousand college students attended her funeral in tribute to the wonderful woman who taught by example that it's never too late to be all you can possibly be

When you finish reading this, please send this peaceful word of advice to your friends and family, they'll really enjoy it!

These words have been passed along in loving memory of ROSE.

REMEMBER, GROWING OLDER IS MANDATORY. GROWING UP IS OPTIONAL.

We make a Living by what we get, We make a Life by what we give.
God promises a safe landing, not a calm passage. If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it.

Thought this was quite amusing!

Well today we should be at a Garden fair at Wrest Park, buying some plants and things for the garden, but decided against it as it has been bucketing down all night and still is!

So I stayed in bed instead and listened to the rain bouncing on the window and the wind howling through the trees. I have managed to emerge from my comfy warm bed and come downstairs because Nigel is cooking egg on toast and how could I refuse that!

So no plans for today now except to wallow in self pity and put on a DVD or two while I attempt to do the ironing - then again perhaps I will just veg out on the sofa and watch the DVDs

It hasn't stopped raining here all day.

The Gazebo is sagging and either hubby or eldest son go out occasionally to clear the water off the top of it to stop it from collapsing!

It isn't cold though.

Hubby is currently watching some programme on Channel five where they are diving to look at a pirate ship that sank eons ago, while the kids are in hiding upstairs as he isn't in the best of moods (no idea why).

Dogs are still refusing to go outside though I may kick them out in a mo, honestly you would think they were afraid of drowning - it isn't that bad though if it goes on I will get the tools out in a minute to build that ark!

Today I have been busy.

I managed to tear myself away from the computer long enough to have a quick bath while hubby and kids were out, then laid on the sofa (as back was in spasms again!) and read a book from cover to cover. Definately a chick on Chris Manby - Ready or Not. Quite enjoyable and took me away from reality for a while - well a day really!

Catching up with posts now and a few e mails.

here

The bridge only needs to be designed to withstand the weight of the water!
Why? A ship always displaces an amount of water that weighs the same as the ship,
regardless of how heavily a ship may be loaded.

So there a feat of engineering which, as Usksider has said, would have been called a viaduct had it been built by the Romans or Brits!

Normal guy was closer but no prizes hun sorry

Even after you see it, it is still hard to believe !
Water Bridge in Germany . What a feat!
Six years, 500 million euros, 918 meters long.......now this is engineering!
This is a channel-bridge over the River Elbe and joins the former East and West Germany ,
as part of the unification project. It is located in the city of Magdeburg, near Berlin.
The photo was taken on the day of inauguration.
To those who appreciate engineering projects, here's a puzzle for you armchair engineers and physicists.

QUESTION:
Did that bridge have to be designed to withstand the additional weight of ship and barge traffic, or just the weight of the water?

What's the definition of the bravest man in the world??

The man who comes home drunk, covered in lipstick and smelling of
perfume,

Then slaps his wife on the backside and says: "You're next,fatty."

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Man walks into the bedroom with a sheep under his arm while his
wife
is lying in bed reading.

Man says: "This is the pig I have sex with when you've got a
headache."

Wife replies: "I think you'll find that is a sheep."

Man replies: "I think you'll find I was talking to the sheep"

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A man walks into his bedroom and sees his wife packing a suitcase.

He asks, "What are you doing?"

She answers, "I'm moving to London. I heard prostitutes there get
paid
£400 for doing what I do for you for free."

Later that night, on her way out, the wife walks into the bedroom
and
sees her husband packing his suitcase.

When she asks him where he's going, he replies, "I'm coming too I
want
to see how you live on £800 a year".

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected:
2
litres of low fat milk, a carton of eggs, 2 litres of orange
juice, a head of
lettuce, half a dozen tomatoes, a 500g jar of coffee, a 250g pack
of
bacon

As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out,
a
drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front
of the
cashier.

While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly
stated,"You must be single."

The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was
intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed
single. She looked at
her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual
about her
selections that could have tipped off the Drunk to her marital
status.
Curiosity getting the better of her, she said, "Well, you know
what,
you're absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?"

The drunk replied, "Cos you're ugly."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ed was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was
really upset. She told him "Tomorrow morning I expect to find a
gift in the
driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT HAD BETTER BE
THERE."

The next morning Ed got up early and left for work. When his wife
woke
up, she looked out of the window and sure enough there was a small
box
gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

Confused, she put on her robe, ran out on to the driveway and
picked up
the box.

She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Funeral services for Ed have been scheduled for Friday

This arrived in my email folder this morning and is quite interesting

Its wet outside, absolutely tipping it down, in fact there is a nice big puddle accumulating on my patio outside due to all the rain we had in the night.

Dogs didn't want to go out into the garden, they dislike getting wet!

Quiet here this morning so far. Only one child up watching some pathetic cartoon on telly - whatever happened to the likes of Tom and Jerry? Now they were cartoons! I only emerged from my bed because I lost all feeling on one side and the other side was aching, so decided to move around a little and make a cup of tea. Needless to say that hasn't been done yet as I forgot to change the cartridge in my water jug, so am in the process of doing that!

Not much planned for today though i really ought to go shopping. Hubby owes me some money though so that I can do just that, there is nothing in the account to go shopping with at the moment, mortgage has to be paid so that has taken up this weeks wages. Oh the joys of house ownership lol!

Right better go and see to this filter and make this cup of tea - may head of back to bed, doesn't seem to be much point in watching it rain lol!

1. What time did you get up this morning?
7:00, So that I could get showered and have a nice cup of tea before heading into town

2. How do you like your steak?
Well done, cannot stand the site of blood as I cut into it

3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema?
Flushed Away Took the kids to see it

4. What are your favourite TV shows?
Er though not seen it for a while and How to look good naked - he is soooo funny

5. What did you have for Breakfast?
Debenhams cooked breakfast - 2 eggs, 1 sausage, 2 hash brown, tomatoes, beans and fried bread and toast, too many carbs really and shouldn't of had it

6. What is your middle name?
Jane

7. What is your favourite cuisine?
Chinese or Italian

9. What is your favourite chip?
McCains chunky oven chips

10. What is your favourite CD at the moment?
Foo Fighters, in your honour

11. What kind of car do you drive?
Vauxhall Vectra estate

12. What is your favourite sandwich?
At the moment cucumber

13. What characteristics do you despise?
Ignorance, bigotry and lying

14. What are your favourite clothes?
At the moment anything that fits properly and hides my stomach!

15. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation?
Hong Kong, japan or Australia/New Zealand

16. Favourite brand of clothing?
Er anything that fits!

17. Where would you want to retire?
Devon or Wales though watch out Kevin it may be the IOW yet!

18. Favourite time of day?
First thing in the morning watching the sun rise and listening to the Dawn chorus - shame I don't do enough of it!

19. Where were you born?
Central Middlesex Hospital, Park Royal,NW10

20. What is your favourite sport to watch?
Really don't have on though if have to then either rugby or watching the men's swimming in the Olympics

24. Beavers or ducks?
Ducks though not sure what you are asking here

25. Are you a morning person or a night owl?
I cope with mornings once I have had my cuppa. After about 10 at night I tend to doze off!!

26. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share?
I have manged to to bite my nails today

27. What did you want to be when you were little?
A teacher

28. What is your best childhood memory?
My grandparents visiting in the holidays

29. Piercing?
Yes both ears are pierced

30. Ever been to Africa?
No

31. Ever been toilet papering?
No

32. Been in a car accident?
No

33. Favourite day of the week?
Friday

34. Favourite restaurant?
Local Chinese restaurant

35. Favourite Flower?
Lily or Fuschia

36. Favourite ice cream?
Raspberry ripple

37. Favourite fast food restaurant?
Don't like any of them

38. How many times did you fail your driver's test?
None passed first time

39. From whom did you get your last email?
www.blog.co.uk to let me know I had a new comment.

40. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card?
I like to pay for it with cash so try not to use Credit card unless I win the lottery to pay it off lol!

41. Bedtime?
Whenever I'm tired though it could be at around 10

43. Last person you went out to dinner with?
Hubby

44. What are you listening to right now?
Fall out boy Thanks for the memories

45. What is your favourite colour?
Black

46. How many tattoos do you have?
None

50. Favourite magazine?
Cross stitcher

Tagged by Kizlode so here goes!

“Each person tagged gives 7 random facts about themselves. Those tagged need to write in their blogs the 7 facts, as well as the rules of the game. You need to tag seven others and list their names on your blog. You have to leave those you plan on tagging a note in their comments so they know that they have been tagged and to read your blog.”

My 7 things:

1. I do not eat fish

2.I got lost in the maze at Hampton Court Palace when I was little

3. I once got locked in someones bathroom at a wedding

4. I am scared of losing my hair

5. I have very wide feet

6. I used to have a Bay City Rollers album

7. I have had four marriage proposals

I Tag Adamantixx, CJ, Smichen, Molt, Old nick, Mrs F, and SteveP

Well time just seems to have flown and I haven't been on site for one reason or another - partly blogs fault, partly my own.

This week has been hectic to say the least, work busy and fraught. Thursday was good as I had a day of work, didn't do anything much apart from visit a neighbour for a cuppa and a put the world right talk and comparing depression, then in the evening Nig and I went out with friends to a quiz event at a local pub which was fun and which will be a regular occurance.

Friday i took some schoolchildren to the local Rugby club for a schools tournament for tag rugby here which was sponsered by Saracens and was good fun. Unfortunately no rugby players for me to oggle, just a few helpers and a silly mascot! But the kids had fun even if we didn't get through to the semis due to dodgy referring decision!

Friday night, end of term get to gether with a few colleagues, didn't stay for long and managed to stay sober despite the fact that this morning afternoon, I ache and long for bed!

Mood, still not brilliant but I have a whole week off to look forward to so plan to get a few things done!

All I need now is to win the lottery and I will be sorted lol!

Hope you are all having a good day

Age-Activated Attention Deficit Disorder:

Recently, I was diagnosed with A.A.A.D.D. - Age
Activated Attention Deficit Disorder.

This is how it manifests:

I decide to water my garden.

As I turn on the hose in the driveway, I look over
at my car and decide it needs washing.

As I start toward the car, I notice mail on the
porch table that I brought up from the mail box earlier.

I decide to go through the mail before I wash
the car.

I lay my car keys on the table, put the junk
mail in the garbage can and notice that the can is full.
So, I decide to put the bills back on the table
and take out the garbage first but then I think, since I'm going
to be near the mailbox when I take out the garbage anyway, I
may as well pay the bills.

I take my check book off the table, and see that
there is only one check left. My extra checks are in my desk in
the study, so I go to my desk where I find the bottle of beer I'd been
drinking.

I'm going to look for my checks, but first I need
to push the beer aside so that I don't accidentally knock it
over.

The beer is getting warm, and I decide to put it
in the refrigerator to keep it cold.

As I head toward the kitchen with the beer, a
pot of flowers on the window sill catches my eye-they are drooping and
need water.

I put the beer on the coffee table and discover
my reading glasses that I've been searching for all morning.

I decide I better put them back on my desk, but
first I'm going to water the flowers.

I set the glasses back down on table, and on the
way to get a container of water, I spot the TV remote. Someone left
it on the
kitchen counter.

I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV,
I'll be looking for the remote, but I won't remember that it's on
the kitchen counter, so I decide to put it back in the den where it
belongs, but first I'll get the water for the flowers.

I get the water and spill some on the floor.

I set the remote back on the counter and get
some paper towels and wipe up the spill.

Then, I head down the hall trying to remember
what I was planning to do.

At the end of the day:

The car isn't washed

The bills aren't paid

There is a warm bottle of beer sitting on
the counter

The flowers don't have enough water

There is still only one check in my check book

I can't find the remote

I can't find my glasses

And I don't remember what I did with the car keys.

When I try to figure out why nothing got done today, I'm really
baffled because I know I was busy all damn day,
and I'm really tired. I realize this is a serious problem, and
I'll try to get some help for it, but first I'll check my
e-mail.

Do me a favor. Forward this message to everyone you know, because I
don't remember who the hell I've sent it to.

Don't laugh too hard-- if this isn't you yet,
your day is coming!!

The temptation to say "shove a broom up my **** and I will sweep while I am at it" was overwhelming. Being sent here there and everywhere, being snapped at because I wasn't where I was supposed to be or doing what I had been asked told to do - this is five sets of instructions by 5 different people!!!!!!!

In the end I stomped off after making my feelings very clear on the lines of "For heavens' sake there is only one of me now make up your bloody minds what you want me to do so I can get on with it!" in which all of a sudden everyone is nice to me and trying to be overhelpful for all of 2 minutes! Then there is a big discussion about something else where I offer to help out and get ignored as they decide someone else can do it, so I told them I was off for my teabreak and to get me when they have finally made up their minds what they want me to do - to be a TA or a general dogsbody!!

Come home, hubby has let youngest son play with his new mobile phone, so he is now in a strop because youngest deleted a game from his phone! Obviously he didn't learn first time round when the same thing happened with his last phone so I have been completely unsympathetic and could I care less?

He isn't happy, I am less so particularly as he is being a pain in the backside!

So fun at work, less fun at home, my only saving grace being that the sun is shining again

There are times in my life when I wonder what the heck is this all for.

Don't worry this isn't a maudling or post to make you think about life, it is just one of those musing that run through ones head at times.

Take for instance yesterday.

There I was gaily doing the weekly shop as we had nothing in the house, hubby decided to accompany me and get in the way, adding things we didn't need into the trolley while I took them out again and getting more exasperated. WHEN he goes off in one of his silly moods in the aisle and I snap "for god's sake will you grow up it is worse than taking the kids shopping with you sometimes!" just as one of the teachers from work appears round the corner of the aisle!
She smirks and looks at Nigel then me while I make small talk as you do and he continues to act like a two year old making silly comments and trying to decide which milk to buy (like we don't buy the same type week in week out for the last 19 years!!!)

Then there was the form that was handed out at work asking us what year group we wanted to work in next year, which we also had to give reasons for as well, a total nightmare for me as I like the yeargroup I am in, I love the age group of the children but youngest will be in that year group next year as well so I know that I will not get that year group but the one I don't want! Of course I am only second guessing what will happen, but I have a shrewd idea what will happen!

Ok so life isn't simple it never was and never will be. There are things that will happen that we will not be happy with, there are things that will not happen that we wanted. It always has been that way and nothing will change that, what will be will be. Despite all the problems I have had reacently, I love my job and I love where I work. Of course there are other schools in the area, but we have a camaraderie that is rarely found elsewhere and as a result it would be hard to move on elsewhere. Of course there are other avenues that are open to me, but I like the holidays that being in a school offers as well and while the kids are still young (well the youngest anyway) it suits. To go anywhere else I would have to retrain and being a teacher holds no appeal to me at all. I know that I would like to go into a job where I would help people again training would be involved obvious

So for now I am in no man's land in a way, waiting to hear where I will be next year and whether I need to move on or not. There is a possibility there will be redundancies in a year or so and really decisions need to be made. Hopefully I can get through what remains of this year and then decide, once I know what is happening, what to do.

Right enough of this, time for a cuppa!

The sun is shining hooray!

Not helped my mood though which over the last couple of days has got darker, not helped by the fact I have swollen up everywhere and don't know why !!!!

So to combat that just had a lovely fruit salad for breakfast and going to make a cucumber roll for lunch - as I don't have much in best I can do!

Just a few funny piccies for you before I head out of the door to work!

There were so many there today that struck a chord, but this one, by far, was the best for me!

Here

Subs seems to have disappeared!

Hope you are ok my friend, we will miss you

Just had to pinch the Hugs thing from your blog but I did post a lovely man for you earlier

Hugs x

Ahhhhh he is just so gorgeous!

Feeling exhausted I managed to get to my Pilates session today, and tried my hardest to stay awake as i laid on the floor, zipping and hollowing, moving only legs from hips and listening to the lovely calming music and voice of the piltes teacher as she moved around the room correcting posture and positioning as she went.

At the end of the seesion we do a relaxtion exercise, tensing and releasing individual muscles, concentrating on our breathing to calming music which made me feel more tired and even more sleepy than I already was!

Too early to go to bed yet though now I am home but really would love to curl up under that duvet in my nice comfortable bed and sleep!

In fact I may just do that, stick a cd on our new dvd/cd player and lay there listening to the calming sounds of:

I wrote my first post on here.

Why in my head did I think it was the 29th I first wrote my post?

Oh well happy belated anniversary to me!!

Enjoy Hun!

And remember a few of us still have a while to go before we get this far

Do you read someones blog regularly but haven't invited them as a friend?

Have you invited someone as a friend and been turned down but still follow their news and make the odd comment?

I was wondering today about all this, one of the many thoughts that go through my head right now.

Why?

Well most people have invited me as a friend and I have invited a few as well. There are some people on my list whom I had been commenting on their blogs and they mine for some time and not realised we weren't on each others list. There are some that I find that I have a lot in common with, and their are others where I like their sense of humour or I find their point of view interesting - even if I don't agree I can see what their point is and respect that.

Then today I was just browsing and came across a few blogs that I have commented on in the past, left a comment or two on their recent posts and yet neither are on my list of friends. I never got round to inviting them and they rarely reply to any comment that I make. This doesn't bother me, that is the beauty of blogging you can leave a comment and probably never read another thing they write or you can keep visiting.

Occasionally you invite someone and they say no for what ever reason. Occasionally they say yes and someone else has already said what you wanted to say so you never leave a comment on their blog again.

Occasionally you are deleted as a friend and you have no idea why.

Isn't blogland great!

What's the definition of the bravest man in the world??

The man who comes home drunk, covered in lipstick and smelling of
perfume,

Then slaps his wife on the backside and says: "You're next,fatty."

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Man walks into the bedroom with a sheep under his arm while his
wife
is lying in bed reading.

Man says: "This is the pig I have sex with when you've got a
headache."

Wife replies: "I think you'll find that is a sheep."

Man replies: "I think you'll find I was talking to the sheep"

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A man walks into his bedroom and sees his wife packing a suitcase.

He asks, "What are you doing?"

She answers, "I'm moving to London. I heard prostitutes there get
paid
£400 for doing what I do for you for free."

Later that night, on her way out, the wife walks into the bedroom
and
sees her husband packing his suitcase.

When she asks him where he's going, he replies, "I'm coming too I
want
to see how you live on £800 a year".

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected:
2
litres of low fat milk, a carton of eggs, 2 litres of orange
juice, a head of
lettuce, half a dozen tomatoes, a 500g jar of coffee, a 250g pack
of
bacon

As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out,
a
drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front
of the
cashier.

While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly
stated,"You must be single."

The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was
intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed
single. She looked at
her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual
about her
selections that could have tipped off the Drunk to her marital
status.
Curiosity getting the better of her, she said, "Well, you know
what,
you're absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?"

The drunk replied, "Cos you're ugly."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ed was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was
really upset. She told him "Tomorrow morning I expect to find a
gift in the
driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT HAD BETTER BE
THERE."

The next morning Ed got up early and left for work. When his wife
woke
up, she looked out of the window and sure enough there was a small
box
gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

Confused, she put on her robe, ran out on to the driveway and
picked up
the box.

She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Funeral services for Ed have been scheduled for Friday

Woke up this morning with yet another splitting headache. Three days in a row now I have had this headache, and it gets worse as the day goes on. I have no doubt it is related to stress and the fact that everything seems to be getting to me. I did manage to sleep well last night, but not before I managed to cry myself to sleep, still feeling low but there isn't much I can do about that until other things get sorted out as well.

There are days when everyone expects me to the the happy and cheerful one, the one that is humming away to herself or having an 'infectious' laugh. TBH I am normally like that, things wash over me, I don't usually let things get to me, but lately I just can't be like that anymore and people are beginning to ask why. They have noticed and asked if I am ok. Course the standard reply is yes of course I am and they go away - why burden anyone with the way I feel, I am the one that listens to their problems, I can't unburden myself to others.

Not that I can unburden to Nig either. He loves me I know but when it comes to me having problems he doesn't listen and never ever takes me that seriously, or when he does it is because everything is so simple to him, he doesn't see it from my point of view. Mind you that would mean him having to deal with it and he doesn't do that, it is me that needs to deal with it. I swear if I was dying he would still bury his head in the sand and pretend it wasn't happening!

Don't think the weather is helping much either. I feel so much better when the sun is shining!

Right enough whingeing. Have to go to work and see if I am needed or not for the SATS, if not there is housework to do - unfortunately no one else is going to do it and the fairies that everyone seems to think does the work are not in the area obviously,so have to do it myself!

Have a good day if you have managed to read this far without me making you depressed lol!

Three times now I have started to post something then deleted it!

Can't get my head in the right frame of mind and everything sounds as though I am attention seeking.

I am not I am just fed up.

Half term cannot come quick enough, now counting the days, hours, minutes!

Wet dull and grey outside again!

Feels more like November instead of May, we certainly are paying for having a nice April.

My night, thought restless, was dreamless as well - a rarity for me as someone who dreams frequently. I think I was too exhausted, had too many things going through my head, mainly work politics and what I want to do next year.

We have had our forms through for which year group we want to work in and there are a number of issues surrounding the year group I want to work in - one being that it will be the yeargroup my son will be in! However I am happy there and I like doing it, though really I should move on. I would also like to work with the teacher I am currently with as well, we make a good team and have a bit of fun - helps when you are on the same wavelength - but I know the possibility of that happening will be zilch!

We will see.

So today there are a zillion thoughts running around in between listening to my child read his book and trying to get 1001 things done this morning.

I made a cake yesterday as well - a Victoria sponge - at 8O'clock last night! Must be something in the air

stolen from Terri R

You're To Kill a Mockingbird!

by Harper Lee

Perceived as a revolutionary and groundbreaking person, you have
changed the minds of many people. While questioning the authority around you, you've
also taken a significant amount of flack. But you've had the admirable guts to
persevere. There's a weird guy in the neighborhood using dubious means to protect you,
but you're pretty sure it's worth it in the end. In the end, it remains unclear to you
whether finches and mockingbirds get along in real life.


Take the a>
at the Blue Pyramid.

FIVE CANADIAN SURGEONS

Five Canadian Surgeons are discussing who makes the best patients to operate on.

The first, an Ontario surgeon says, "I like to see accountants on my operating table,
because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered."

The second, a Quebec surgeon responds, "Yeah, but you should try electricians!
Everything inside them is colour coded."

The third a B.C. surgeon says, "No, I really think librarians are the best;
everything inside them is in alphabetical order."

The fourth, an Alberta surgeon chimes in: "You know, I like construction workers...
those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over.

But the fifth, a Newfoundland surgeon shut them all up when he
observed: "You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on.
There's no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains and no spine,
and the head and the ass are interchangeable.

How you know you experienced the 90's:

1) 10p Mr Frosty Ice Pops on long summer days!

2) Gordon the Gopher!

3) You could do or tried to do the Prodigy step. 'You're no good 4
me....'

4) You owned or longed for an Adidas three stripe tracksuit

5) You owned a compilation tape with TOP TUNES such as "Mr Vain", "What
is love" and "Rhythm is a dancer" and 'How Bizarre, How Bizarre"

6) Girls thought Blue Mascara was cool!

7) Girls actually fancied Garry Barlow more than Robbie Williams

8) The Racoons! (nuff said)

9) You owned a pair of Nike Air Max, and wore them to death

10) Mr Motivator (What ever happened to him?)

11) Running on the spot dancing!

12) You wore leggings/cycling shorts with long t-shirts

13) You owned a Bennetton, NafNaf, sweater shop jumper or waistcoat

14) Girls owned scrunchies in an array of colours and tacky headbands
with their names written on in thick glitter

16) You bought Smash Hits for the song lyrics and the immense amount of
stickers that you would stick everywhere!

17) You had a pen pal

18) You could only watch the Simpson's on sky

19) On a Saturday afternoon you watched Catchphrase, Gladiators,
Generation Game, Noels House Party and then Casualty

20) You taped the Pepsi Chartshow on radio one and tired in vain to
pause the tape before the annoying guy talked and ruined the whole thing.

21) Cans of Coke were 25p

22) 10p Space Raiders Crisps

23) A grey Fruit of the Loom jumper was a must have

24) Sharkie & George were the crimebusters of the sea

25) Puffa jackets

26) You used the line "it's a free country" every day

27) The Sky Sports Blimp!

28) Impulse body spray for girls

29) Hooch Alcoholic Lemonade (where's it gone?!)

30) 'Don't forget your toothbrush', 'TFI' and Big Breakfast with Chris
Evans

31) You had at least one troll

32) You know the dance to Macarena and Saturday Night. Youalso tried to

scat like Scatman John! Bi bat ba ba da bo...

33) You watched Baywatch and longed for the day that Eddie & Sharni got
together!

34) You watched Byker Grove 'ha ha ha whatcha laughin at!' (the
themesong ending), and saw PJ get shot in the eye with a paintball!

35) PJ and Duncan not Ant and Dec! Dodgy Pop Not Dodgy Presenting!

36) Shellsuits & bumbags!

37) You longed to live in Beverley Hills 90210

38) Home and Away was a prime time ITV programe watched by millions

39) You owned a Spice Girls album

40) Fruit salads and black jacks!

41) Strike it lucky on a sunday night with Michael Barrymore when he was
straight & married

42) Chain letters

43) You had fake ID

44) You remember Todd Landers in Neighbours

45) You religiously watched Saved by the Bell on a Saturday morning!

46) You more than likely lost/nearly lost a wobbly tooth on a wham bar!!

47) CK one (probably the fake one from the market)

48) Going Live, then Live and Kicking was the place to be on a Saturday
Morning - you know you remember the number 0181 811 8181

49) You knew every word to the theme tune from Fresh Prince of Bel Air

50) You collected Premier League Stickers and did swoops at playtime

51) Girls wore crappy lipstick such as - coffee shimmer, heather shimmer
and birthday suit!

52) You wore kickers and wallaby's with the tags hanging from them

53) You thought saying - "I know you are, you said you are but what am
I" to every cuss that that came your way!

54) "love got the world in motion" with the John Barnes Rap

55) when you used to run away from some thing and shout ' leg iiiiiitt'

You loved the 90's!!

Pass this on and add on anymore that u remember!!

Big up the 90's!!

If you don't pass this on.......fair enough.... it's a free country

A guy and a girl meet at a bar. They get along so well
That they decide to go to the girl's place.

A few drinks later, the guy takes off his shirt and then
Washes his hands.

He then takes off his trousers and washes his hands
again.

The girl has been watching him and says, "You must be a
dentist."

The guy, surprised, says "Yes.... how did you figure that
out

"Easy," she replied, "you keep washing your hands."

One thing led to another and they make love.

After they are done, the girl says,
"You must be a good dentist."

The guy, now with a boosted ego says, "Sure, I'm a good
dentist,how did you figure that out?"

"Didn't feel a thing."

The sun is shining

The birds are singing

It is sweltering outside and I am walking around in a t shirt again - yeah roll on summer!

In my head anyway I can dream can't I?

In reality, it is raining again, it is cold, trousers and long sleeved tops have made an appearance, in fact thinking of putting on a jumper.

Depressing

Oh well, midweek, need to go to work all day today, lots to do with the photocopier and laminator that no doubt will refuse to work or go on a go slow!

keep breathing,

keep smiling

Oh can't wait!!!

Right off now to make sure everyone is organised!

*youngest fell asleep during a lesson yesterday, don't know whether to laugh (which I did) or cry lol*

Have a good day

This was an email I received earlier!

It was the season that had everything, from a training-ground knife threat to the defender who earned £146,341 for each minute’s play

John Aizlewood

The Special One: Sir Alex Ferguson, yet another title-winning team, a touch of flair and sufficient generosity of spirit to include Kieran Richardson to give the others a chance.

The Not So Special One: Jose Mourinho, all that whingeing, not being good enough in Europe, Khalid Boulahrouz (not his idea, but he didn’t have to play him) and the ugliness even when beating Charlton 1-0.

Manager of the year: Colchester United’s Geraint Williams. Seemingly doomed in August with their League One crowds, League One players and League Two ground. One victory off the Championship playoffs in May.

Most universally enjoyed relegation since Leeds going down to the Championship in 2004: Leeds’s relegation to League One in 2007.

Least dependable postal service of the year: the one Sam Allardyce used to send his writ to the BBC, as they still haven’t received it.

Mystery of the year: why Javier Mascherano started just three Premiership games for West Ham.

What we’ve learned from Neil Warnock this season:
1: Sheffield United lost at Aston Villa because Liverpool played their reserves at Fulham.
2: They’re in trouble because West Ham haven’t been docked points. 3: Nobody likes them.
4: They don’t care.
5: Gareth Southgate is friendly with Stuart Pearce.
6: All referees hate Sheffield United.
7: If Keith Gillespie was Cristiano Ronaldo, the Blades would get more penalties.
8: Last season he sold Billy Sharp to Scunthorpe for a box of felt-tip pens. This season, Sharp scored 30 goals while no Blade has reached double figures. Last season he bought Ade Akinbiyi from Burnley. This season he sold him back, for £1m less.
9: He can’t say what he thinks about referees.
10: All refs are biased against plucky Sheffield United.

Least successful bid to overturning a driving ban: Nigel Reo-Coker’s claim that he couldn’t hire a chauffeur because “I would not know if I can trust that person. Professional footballers are targets. There are criminal gangs who wait and follow you”. To be on the safe side, he hid in West Ham’s midfield for the entire season.

Clubman of the year: Lucas Neill for joining West Ham rather than Liverpool: “If West Ham was good enough for Bobby Moore, Martin Peters and Trevor Brooking, it’s good enough for me,” he badge-kissed. Obviously the £55,000 a week (Liverpool offered a mere £18,000) and get-out clause were incidentals.

It hurts to admit it, but he’s a genius: Cristiano Ronaldo.

Clubman of the year (2): Joey Barton who, after criticising Manchester City’s signings, beat one of them, Ousmane Dabo, to a pulp.

Pundit of the year: Jorge Valdano, former Real Madrid director of football, on Liverpool v Chelsea in the Champions League: “Put s* hanging from a stick in the middle of this passionate, crazy stadium and some will tell you it’s a work of art. It’s not: it’s s* hanging from a stick.”

Hubris of the year: Stuart Pearce lobbying for and taking the England Under-21 job. Some naysayers noted that perhaps Manchester City, who managed just 10 home league goals all season, deserved his time more.
Chelsea’s as they clapped out Manchester United at Stamford Bridge last week.

Performance of the season: Manchester United 7, Roma 1.
Shame it counted for nothing: Manchester United 7, Roma 1.

Most vague reason for sacking a manager: “He had a kind of blind spot to some extent around the areas we needed to strengthen.” Barnsley owner Patrick Cryne explains Andy Ritchie’s departure.

The Martin McGuinness and Ian Paisley Best Friends After All Award: Niall Quinn and Roy Keane. Runners-up: Mick McCarthy and Roy Keane. Third: Sir Alex Ferguson and Roy Keane.

It’s not all supermodels, minor pop stars, Baby Bentleys and holiday homes in Dubai: Boston’s players, unpaid since March, couldn’t afford the petrol to travel to training before their relegation decider at Wrexham. They were defeated and lost their league status.

Mission accomplished: Dennis Wise, appointed to take Leeds out of the Championship.

Clubman of the year (3): “Spineless, gutless, he is a maggot of a man. He is a coward on and off the pitch.” Luton Town’s Sol Davis on teammate Bjorn Runstrom.

They said it couldn’t be done, they were wrong: Liverpool reaching the Champions League final again.

They said it couldn’t be done, they were right: Watford maintaining their Premiership status.

The Harry Kewell Missing In Inaction Award: Harry Kewell (again).

He’s no Phil Scolari, then: Steve McClaren.

Come to think of it, he’s no Sven-Göran Eriksson either: Steve McClaren.

Bargain of the season: West Ham signing Matthew Upson: minutes on field, 41. Fee: £6m, plus a get-out clause. That’s £146,341 a minute.

Golfer of the year: Liverpool’s Prince Of Cuddles, Craig Bellamy.

You know it’s the end of the season because: the Thierry Henry to leave Arsenal rumours start again. Barcelona, again.

Most paranoid WAG: Belinda Coleman, who thought her husband, the then Fulham manager Chris, was having an affair and bugged his car. She sees more of him these days.

Punishments of the season: Bury thrown out of the FA Cup for breaking competition rules. AFC Wimbledon deducted 18 points (later cut to three) and fined for breaking competition rules. West Ham United merely fined for breaking competition rules.

The point at which blind stupidity meets an insatiable desire for publicity: WAGs Boutique.

Inspired sacking of the season: Sunderland chairman Niall Quinn firing manager Niall Quinn in August.

How right they were, eh? The early-season protesters who picketed Manchester United’s training ground calling for Alex Ferguson to go.

Lemming of the year: Mike Newell, leapt over Luton’s cliff after criticising female linespeople, the club chairman and Luton’s transfer policy while, according to the club, enjoying a contract which allowed him to bank 10% from every sale.

Most unfriendly friendly: QPR v China under-23s in February, abandoned after China defender Zheng Tao was knocked unconscious during a brawl that featured all 22 players and some coaching staff.

Bookworm of the season: Sheffield Wednesday’s Graham Coughlan, who answered “Cliff Richard” to the question, “Who wrote 1984?”

The Francis Lee Memorial Double Pike Award: Didier Drogba.
Many a true word . . . Stewart Downing on Ronaldinho: “I’d love some of his skills but I’d probably fracture something trying to do them.”

Underachievers:Newcastle, Crystal Palace, Huddersfield, Wycombe.

Where are they now? David O’Leary, Manchester City’s flair, Glenn Roeder, Brighton’s new ground, Simon Clifford, Blackburn Rovers’ crowds.

Women of the year: Arsenal Ladies, they’ve won everything and none of them have moved to Chelsea.

And to look forward to? June 16, when Gary Neville marries long-suffering Emma Hadfield, Michael Carrick weds long-suffering Lisa Roughhead and Steven Gerrard makes an honest woman of Alex Curran.

Some international squad members have some hard decisions, except John Terry, who’ll be busy, having tied the knot with Toni Poole the day before.

Joe Lovejoy’s end-of-term report
Player of the Season Cristiano Ronaldo. Even Wayne Rooney has fallen under the winker’s spell

Manager of the Season Roy Keane. From relegation fodder to Championship champions. Even those assassin’s Irish eyes must be smiling.

Flop of the Season Andriy Ballack, or is it Michael Shevchenko?

Good riddance 1 Leeds United - Ken Bates, Dennis Wise et al
Good riddance 2 The Millennium stadium, and the endless car park that was the M4
Lukewarm welcome The new Wembley and the endless car park that is the A406

Nicest interviewee Liverpool’s Dirk Kuyt with ‘Is that enough for you [after 40 minutes]? We can talk more if you like’

Worst start to an interview Didier Drogba with ‘You’ve got two minutes before the team bus goes’

Alternative best finish to an interview Sam Allardyce with: ‘I’ll pay for lunch’

Welcome back Sunderland and their diehard legions

Oh no, not you again Birmingham, and the dump that is St Andrews

Suicidal press conference of the year England’s Steve McClaren, after the triumph that was Andorra: ‘You can write what you like’ before exiting, stage right

Dead Man Walking award The maladroit McClaren again. How did he get that job?

David Irving award for rewriting history Sven-Göran Eriksson and ‘they still love me’. Are you sure?

The sun has stopped shining and it is tipping it down again!

In fact I am seriously thinking about putting the heating on!

Have fun doing this one

Question 1:

If you knew a woman who was pregnant, who had 8 kids already, three
who were deaf, two who were blind, one mentally retarded, and she had
syphilis, would you recommend that she have an abortion?

Read the next question before looking at the response for this one.
Question 2:

It is time to elect a new world leader, and only your vote counts.

Here are the facts about the three candidates.

Candidate A

Associates with crooked politicians, and consults with astrologist.
He's had two mistresses. He also chain smokes and drinks 8 to 10
Martinis a day.

Candidate B

He was kicked out of office twice, sleeps until noon , used Opium in
college and drinks a quart of whiskey every evening.

Candidate C

He is a decorated war hero. He's a vegetarian, doesn't smoke,
Drinks an occasional beer and never cheated on his wife.

Which of these candidates would be our choice?

Decide first... no peeking, then scroll down for the response.

Candidate A is Franklin D. Roosevelt.

Candidate B is Winston Churchill.

Candidate C is Adolph Hitler.

And, by the way, on your answer to the abortion question:

If you said YES, you just killed Beethoven.

Pretty interesting isn't it? Makes a person think before judging
someone.

Remember:

Amateurs built the ark
Professionals built the Titanic

A farmer went out one day and bought a brand new stud rooster for his chicken coop. The new rooster struts over to the old rooster and says,

"OK old fart, time for you to retire."

The old rooster replies, "Come on, surely you cannot handle ALL of these chickens. Look what it has done to me. Can't you just let me have the two old hens over in the corner?" The young rooster says, "Beat it: You are washed up and I am taking over.." The old rooster says, "I tell you what, young stud. I will race you around the farmhouse. Whoever wins gets the exclusive domain over the entire chicken coop." The young rooster laughs. "You know you don't stand a chance, old man. So, just to be fair, I will give you a head start."

The old rooster takes off running. About 15 seconds later the young rooster takes off running after him. They round the front porch of the farmhouse and the young rooster has closed the gap.

He is only about 5 feet behind the old rooster and gaining fast. The farmer, meanwhile, is sitting in his usual spot on the front porch when he sees the roosters running by. He grabs his shotgun and - BOOM - he blows the young rooster to bits. The farmer sadly shakes his head and says,
"Darn.....third gay rooster I bought this month."

Moral of this story? ...

Don't mess with the OLD FARTS - age, skill, and treachery will always overcome youth and arrogance!

A mother passing by her daughter's bedroom, was astonished to see the
bed was nicely made, and everything was neat and tidy. Then, she saw
an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed,
"Mum."

With the worst premonition and trembling hands, she opened the
envelope and read the letter,

Dear, Mum.

It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing to you. I had to
elope with my new boyfriend, because I wanted to avoid a scene with
you and dad.

I've found real passion with a boy called Ralph, he is so nice, but I
knew you wouldn't approve of him, because of all his piercings,
tattoos, biker clothes, and because he is so much older than I am.

But it's not only the passion Mum, I'm pregnant.

Ralph said that we will be very happy together. He owns a trailer in
the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share
a dream of having many more children. Ralph has opened my eyes to the
fact that marijuana doesn't, really hurt anyone. We'll be growing it
for ourselves, and trading it with the other people in the commune,
for

all the cocaine and ecstasy we want.

In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS,
so Ralph can get better. He sure deserves it!!

Don't worry Mum, I'm 15 and I know how to take care of myself.
Someday,

I'm sure we'll be back to visit, so you can get to know your
grandchildren.

Love, your daughter,

Sophie.

P.S.

Mum, none of the above is true. I'm over at Laura's house. I just
wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than school
reports - that's mine on the desk. Call me when it's safe for me to
come home.

After a day where it has done nothing but tip down with rain, where the poor year 6 children have been stuck indoors as a result and not been allowed to let off steam and run around after there exams, where three children have told their parents they are being bullied and so we have had to take statements, where a computer has refused to connect to the internet or network, where a laminator has decided that heating up is not on its list of priorities, where a photocopier has decided to give me 100 copies instead of 1 copy ...........................................................................It is a wonder I am still sane!

Yes that sums up my day. If it could go wrong it has. If I heard one more child whinge I will scream!

Just waiting for hubby and kids to go out and there is a lovely bottle of wine waiting for me to pour a glass of it!

Not good for the diet I admit but at the moment I just need to chill!

The sun is now shining, what use is that at the end of the day when I needed it earlier! ::

I am breathing deeply. I am glad to be home. The next couple of weeks are going to be long. Thankfully next week I am only working 3 days hallelujah!!!

Perhaps I may just be able to do some housework lol

Its raining again!

In other news, lunches are made - pasta salad for me and Simon, ham sandwiches for Richard (though to be fair he made his own).

Sent text to friend telling her what tiem I will pick her kids up to take to school - I am doing school run for her this week as she has had an operation.

I am in a rush, started out with lots of time and now have very little left - where has it gone!

that is my exciting day so far! Heading of now, have a good day and really hope today is better then yesterday

You know those days when getting out of bed was your first mistake, well yes I had one of them.

My second was travelling all the way into town to collect a parcel that the lovely post office tried to deliver, but because it needed a signature and I wasn't in they took it back to the post office. So ok that was over a week ago and to be honest the first chance I have had to collect it was today and guess what? yep because it was over a week ago they have done a Return to sender on it! I did try a few times to get it redelivered but trying to get through on the phone is a nightmare and when you are working you are aware of how much time you are spending on the phone when the boss is around!!

Third mistake was going into work, where I did bugger all apart from photocopying and trying to remain sane in a school that is gradually causing insanity everywhere!

Course day had to go downhill afterall I managed to scream at my kids this morning because I am sick to death of their bickering as soon as they set their eyes on each other. It is non stop and they end up talking to each other as though they are something nasty they have just trodden in! They also wind each other up but of course neither of them are to blame it is always the other ones fault so I lost my temper and screamed at them, I have had enough!

Everyone at home is now treading on eggshells around me which is as it should be. I assure you normal service will be resumed once that bottle of wine has been consumed lol!

A far more accurate account of the events of that fateful morning...

Baby bear goes downstairs, sits in his small chair at the table, and looks

into his small bowl which was empty. "Who's been eating my porridge?" he

squeaks.

Daddy Bear arrives at the big table and sits in his big chair. He Looks

into

his big bowl which was also empty. "Who's been eating my porridge?!?" he

roars.

Mummy Bear puts her head through the serving hatch from the kitchen and

yells, "For God's sake, how many times do I have to Go through this with

you

idiots?

It was Mummy Bear who got up first.

It was Mummy Bear who woke everyone in the house. It was Mummy Bear who

made

the coffee. It was Mummy Bear who unloaded the dishwasher from last night

and Put everything away.

It was Mummy Bear who went out in the cold Early morning air to fetch the

newspaper and croissants.

It was Mummy Bear who set the damn table. It was Mummy Bear who put the

Bloody Dog out, cleaned the litter boxes, gave the dog her food, and

refilled her water. And now that you've decided to drag your sorry

bear-asses Downstairs and grace Mummy Bear with your grumpy presence,

Listen

carefully, because I'm only going to say this

once..........................

..................

I HAVEN'T MADE THE F......G PORRIDGE YET!!!"

That song came into my head this morning as I awoke and heard the rain hitting the roof of the conservatory. Been singing it all morning so far, Supertramp have a lot to answer for!

Strange dreams last night of chasing figures but never catching up with them, of being on a beach with someone by my side though I was alone. Dreams where I am at an important meeting but realised I have left the paperwork at home and have to muddle through without. Dreams that weren't scary for once, but made me restless and unsettled all the same.

I was tired when I woke up this morning and despite having a shower, I still feel tired. Seems like i feel this way a lot lately. Ok I didn't go to bed at my normal time because I was watching some programme on telly which got a bit boring but you just had to see what happened at the end of it!

Just wish I could remember what it was about or called, but alas even that escapes me!

So today work beckons, the start of another week. The sky outside is very grey and the rain is coming down in sheets. No chance of walking to work! Richard has to be at Gym club by 8 this morning, and I have to go shopping straight after before I start work at 11. Easy day today don't have to think too much really lol!

SATS week so may be called in to invigilate if there are not enough staff, a stressful week for some and as I am not involved as much as I have been in previous years then not so stressful for me.

Right enough rambling time to be off and make some lunches!

Have a good day

Spurs won their game today according to the BBC news website. 2-1 against Man City.

No doubt it wasn't without incident, but at least hubby will be in a good mood that they finish in 5th place for now.

So he will now be under my feet, sulking because there is no football to see and complaining about how much his ticket will cost. The moaning has already started.

The children will think it is weird having him home on a Saturday - oh silly me of course he will now be working lol

THE NEXT SURVIVOR SERIES

Six married men will be
dropped on an island with 1 car and 3 kids
each for six
weeks.

Each kid will play two sports and either take music or dance
classes.

There is no fast food.

Each man must take care of his 3
kids; keep his assigned house clean,
correct all homework, complete science
projects, cook, do laundry, and
pay a list of "pretend" bills with not enough
money.

In addition, each man will have to budget in money for groceries
each
week.

Each man must remember the birthdays of all their friends
and relatives,
and send cards out on time.

Each man must also take
each child to a doctor's appointment, a dentist
appointment and a haircut
appointment.

He must make one unscheduled and inconvenient
visit per child to the
Urgent Care (weekend, evening, on a holiday or
right when they're about
to leave for vacation).

He must also make
cookies or cupcakes for a social function.

Each man will be responsible
for decorating his own assigned house,
planting flowers outside and keeping
it presentable at all times.

The men will only have access to television
when the kids are asleep and
all chores are done.

There is only one TV
between them, and a remote with dead batteries.

Each father will be
required to know all of the words to every stupid
song that comes on TV and
the name of each and every character on
cartoons.

The men must shave
their legs, wear makeup daily, which they will apply
to themselves either
while driving or making three lunches.

Each man will have to make an
Indian hut model with six toothpicks, a
tortilla and one marker; and get a 4
year old to eat a serving of peas.

Each man must adorn himself with
jewelry, wear uncomfortable yet stylish
shoes, keep their nails polished and
eyebrows groomed.

The men must try to get through each day without
snot, spit-up or barf
on their clothing.

During one of the six
weeks, the men will have to endure severe
abdominal cramps, back aches, and
have extreme, unexplained mood swings
but never once complain or slow down
from other duties. They must try to
explain what a tampon is for when the
6-yr old boy finds it in their
purse.

They must attend weekly school
meetings, church, and find time at least
once to spend the afternoon at the
park or a similar setting.

He will need to read a book and then pray with
the children each night
without falling asleep, and then feed them, dress
them, brush their
teeth and comb their hair each morning by 7:00. They must
leave the home
with no food on their face or clothes.

A test will be
given at the end of the six weeks, and each father will
be required to know
all of the following information: each child's
birthday, height, weight, shoe
size, clothes size and doctor's name.
Also the child's weight at birth,
length, time of birth, and length of
labor, each child's favorite color,
middle name, favorite snack,
favorite song, favorite drink, favorite toy,
biggest fear and what they
want to be when they grow up.

They must
clean up after their sick children at 2:00 a.m. and then spend
the remainder
of the day tending to that child and waiting on them hand
and foot until they
are better.

They must have a loving, age appropriate reply to, "You're
not the boss
of me."

The kids vote them off the island based on
performance.

The last man wins only if...he still has enough energy to be
intimate
with his spouse at a moment's notice.

If the last man does
win, he can play the game over and over and over
again for the next 18-25
years...eventually earning the right to be
called
Mother!

READ THIS__
LET IT REALLY SINK IN - THEN CHOOSE_ .

John is the kind of guy you love to hate. He is always in a good
mood and always has something positive to say. When someone would ask
him how he was doing, he would reply, "If I were any better, I would
be twins!"

He was a natural motivator.

If an employee was having a bad day, John was there telling the
employee how to look on the positive side of the situation.

Seeing this style really made me curious, so one day I went up and
asked him, "I don't get it!

You can't be a positive person all of the time. How do you do it?"

He replied, "Each morning I wake up and say to myself, you have two
choices today. You can choose to be in a good mood or ... you can
choose to be in a bad mood
I choose to be in a good mood."

Each time something bad happens, I can choose to be a victim or...I
can choose to learn from it. I choose to learn from it.

Every time someone comes to me complaining, I can choose to accept
their complaining or... I can point out the positive side of life. I
choose the positive side of life.

"Yeah, right, it's not that easy," I protested.

"Yes, it is," he said. "Life is all about choices. When y ou cut away
all the junk, every situation is a choice. You choose how you react
to situations. You choose how people affect your mood.

You choose to be in a good mood or bad mood. The bottom line: It's
your choice how you live your life."

I reflected on what he said. Soon hereafter, I left the Tower
Industry to start my own business. We lost touch, but I often thought
about him when I made a choice about life instead of reacting to it.

Several years later, I heard that he was involved in a serious
accident, falling some 60 feet from a communications tower.

After 18 hours of surgery and weeks of intensive care, he was
released from the hospital with rods placed in his back.

I saw him about six months after the accident.

When I asked him how he was, he replied, "If I were any better, I'd
be twins...Wanna see my scars?"

I declined to see his wounds, but I did ask him what had gone through
his mind as the accident took place.

"The first thing that went through my mind was the well-being of my
soon-to-be born daughter," he replied. "Then, as I lay on the ground,
I remembered that I had two choices: I could choose to live or...I
could choose to die. I chose to live."

"Weren't you scared? Did you lose consciousness?" I asked

He continued, "..the paramedics were great.

They kept telling me I was going to be fine. But when they wheeled me
into the ER and I saw the expressions on the faces of the doctors and
nurses, I got really scared. In their eyes, I read 'he's a dead man'.
I knew I needed to take action."

"What did you do?" I asked.

"Well, there was a big burly nurse shouting questions at me," said
John. "She asked if I was allergic to anything 'Yes, I replied.' The
doctors and nurses stopped working as they waited for my reply. I
took a deep breath and yelled, 'Gravity'."

Over their laughter, I told them, "I am choosing to live. Operate on
me as if I am alive, not dead."

He lived, thanks to the skill of his doctors, but also because of his
amazing attitude... I learned from him that every day we have the
choice to live fully.

Attitude, after all, is everything.

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about
itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Matthew 6:34.

After all today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.

You have two choices now:

01. Delete this

02. Forward it to the people you care about.

You know the choice I made.

Think we can all relate to this

http://www.mailonsunday.co.uk/pages/live/articles/news/news.html?in_article_id=454396&in_page_id=1770&in_a_source=

I am not a lover of cats, but I am not this callous either!!!!

Well wasn't around on here yesterday. Hubby took me to Milton Keynes where we spent far too much money getting him, Simon and Richard kitted out for the Wedding. Nigel treated himself to a new suit, which will be the third one he has ever owned in his entire life! but I was determined he was not going to wear what has been termed as his wedding suit, or funeral suit to this wedding! He has also got a snazzy new waistcoat, colour champagne with a matching tie to go with it as well!

Simon has a pink waistcoat and tie with a Blue suit. He wasn't keen on having pink but I was determined someone was going to wear the same colour as me! He is the difficult one to buy for because trousers just do not fit him! Try getting a 26 inch waist trouser with a 32 inch inside leg measurement and you will see what I mean! Anyway with the help of the sales assistant, we eventually found a pair of trousers and matching jacket to fit so the colour waistcoat had to fit round that - silver was too dull, Gold they didn't have his size and anyway it didn't go, White was just too pale looking and lilac he objected more to than the pink one - so pink it was - you can barely see it so can't see what the problem wan. He really was after the burgundy one but as one of the bridesmaids was in burgundy that wasn't an option though i dread to think what will be said about Nig's gold one as the rest of the bridesmaids are in gold!

Richard just has a black with white stripes trousers and matching waistcoat. I still have to get a shirt and tie for him - he wants a pink shirt and I have to say it really suits him lol!

I have now got a bolero style jacket to go with my dress and some pink sandals as well. I know I also have the ivory ones, but when I tried them with an ivory pashmina it didn't look quite right. The pink jacket and sandals set it off nicely so sticking with it!

So a lot of money spent we could have done without but we are kitted out now so that is one thing of my list of things to do I can cross off!

Home and we sat down to snacks to watch the Eurovision! Dire voting as usual except this time it was all Eastern Europe voting Eastern Europe! The Serbian song I hated I had to admit. I loved the song by Finland, that was definately the 'rock' bit in me, and the Swedish Glam Rockers were just Ace! Latvia did an Il Divo act which I thought was quite good and the entry by Greece was quite catchy! Nig, the kids and I did our own marking and on each song giving them marks out of ten and I have to admit that Scooch did really well sandwiched between the Ukrain and Romania! They came first in our soring system we all are used to the song now, something that will get all the kids up at the disco in the summer anyway lol! Glad they didn't end up with null points though it was touch and go for a minute there until Malta started giving us 12 points bless them! I love the Eurovision though, especially the voting and listenign to the sarcastic comments by Terry Wogan. Who else would get away with some of the comments he makes and he hits the nail on the head everytimg with who each country will give the top points to. I have to say though yesterday he did seem to get a little tired of it all

So today is wet and windy, Aprils weather in May hmmmmm. Not got much planned, will have something to eat in a mo. Head off to the local shop to buy some meat and bread for sandwiches then have a lazy day in front of the telly or catching up with the blogs and emails I missed yesterday. Nigel is at the last game of the season so won't see him till late and the kids are just chilling out!

Hope everyone is having a good day

I have a pilates session in a mo. I really don't want to go, but I should really. Anyway I have to go as I have to pick my friends daughter up from the Gym and take her back home for her mum so that she gets a night out for once. Her daughter is a gymnast at the same place where I do the Pilates so that isn't so bad, not like I have to go out of the way or anything lol.

It is just I am not in the mood for exercising, I feel tired and moody (probably PMT)

So off I go to get changed into my gear and make sure I have enough money to pay for the next 5 sessions!

Have a good evening

One day a teacher asked her students to list the names of the other
students in the room on two sheets of paper, leaving a space between each
name.

Then she told them to think of the nicest thing they could say about
each of their classmates and write it down.

It took the remainder of the class period to finish their assignment,
and as the students left the room, each one handed in the papers.

That Saturday, the teacher wrote down the name of each student on a
separate sheet of paper, and listed what everyone else had said about that
individual.

On Monday she gave each student his or her list. Before long, the entire
class was smiling. "Really?" she heard whispered. "I never knew that I
meant anything to anyone!" and, "I didn't know others liked me so much,"
were most of the comments.

No one ever mentioned those papers in class again. She never knew if
they discussed them after class or with their parents, but it didn't
matter. The exercise had accomplished its purpose. The students were happy
with themselves and one another. That group of students moved on.

Several years later, one of the students was killed in Vietnam and his
teacher attended the funeral of that special student. She had never seen a
serviceman in a military coffin before. He looked so handsome, so mature.

The church was packed with his friends. One by one those who loved him
took a last walk by the coffin. The teacher was the last one to bless the
coffin.

As she stood there, one of the soldiers who acted as pallbearer came up
to her. "Were you Mark's math teacher?" he asked. She nodded: "yes." Then
he said: "Mark talked about you a lot."

After the funeral, most of Mark's former classmates went together to a
luncheon. Mark's mother and father were there, obviously waiting to speak
with his teacher.

"We want to show you something," his father said, taking a wallet out of
his pocket "They found this on Mark when he was killed. We thought you
might recognize it."

Opening the billfold, he carefully removed two worn pieces of notebook
paper that had obviously been taped, folded and refolded many times. The
teacher knew without looking that the papers were the ones on which she had
listed all the good things each of Mark's classmates had said about him.

Thank you so much for doing that," Mark's mother said. "As you can
see, Mark treasured it."

All of Mark's former classmates started to gather around. Charlie
smiled rather sheepishly and said, "I still have my list. It's in the top
drawer of my desk at home."

Chuck's wife said, "Chuck asked me to put his in our wedding album."

"I have mine too," Marilyn said. "It's in my diary"

Then Vicki, another classmate, reached into her pocketbook, took out her
wallet and showed her worn and frazzled list to the group. "I carry this
with me at all times," Vicki said and without batting an eyelash, she
continued: "I think we all saved our lists"

That's when the teacher finally sat down and cried. She cried for Mark
and for all his friends who would never see him again.

The density of people in society is so thick that we forget that life
will end one day. And we don't know when that one day will be.

So please, tell the people you love and care for, that they are special
and important. Tell them, before it is too late.

And One Way To Accomplish This Is: Forward this message on.

If you've received this, it is because someone cares for you and it
means there is probably at least someone for whom you care.

If you're "too busy" to take those few minutes right now to forward this
message on, would this be the VERY first time you didn't do that little
thing that would make a difference in your relationships?

The more people that you send this to, the better you'll be at reaching
out to those you care about.

Remember, you reap what you sow. What you put into the lives of others
comes back into your own.

May Your Day Be Blessed As Special As You Are

Another one that has appeared in my inbox.

I read of a man who stood to speak
At the funeral of a friend.
He referred to the dates on her tombstone,
From the beginning...to the end.

He noted that first came her date of birth
And then spoke of that date with tears,
But he said what mattered most of all
Was the dash between those years.

(1934 - 1998)

For that dash represents all the time,
That she spent alive on earth.
And now only those who loved her,
Know what that little line is worth.

For it matters not, how much we own;
The cars...the house...the cash.
What matters is how we live and love
And how we spend our dash.

So think about this long and hard,
Are there things you'd like to change?
For you never know how much time is left,
That can still be rearranged.

If we could just slow down enough
To consider what's true and real,
And always try to understand
The way other people feel.

And be less quick to anger,
And show appreciation more
And love the people in our lives
Like we've never loved before.

If we treat each other with respect,
And more often wear a smile..
Remembering that this special dash
Might only last a little while.

So, when your eulogy's being read
With your life's actions to rehash.
Would you be proud of the things they say
About how you spent your dash?

Don't know who wrote this, it appeared in my inbox this morning:

As I was walking down life's highway, many years before,
I came upon a sign that read, "Heaven’s Grocery Store".
When I got a little closer, the doors swung open wide,
And before I even knew it, I was then standing inside.

I saw a host of angels, they were standing everywhere,
One handed me a basket saying "My child please shop with care."
Everything a human needed was in that grocery store.
And if it was too heavy, you could come back for more.

First I got some Patience. Love was also in that row.
Further down was Understanding, needed everywhere you go.
I got a box of Wisdom and of Faith a bag or two.
And Charity. Of course, I would need some of that too.

I couldn't miss the Holy Ghost, it was all o'er the place.
And then some Strength and Courage to help me run this race
My basket now was getting full, but still I needed Grace,
Not forgetting Sympathy, now that was really ace.

And then I chose Salvation for Salvation was for free.
I tried to get enough of that to do for you and me.
Then I started to the cash desk to pay my grocery bill,
For I thought I now had everything to do the Master’s will.

As I went up the aisle I saw Prayer and put that in,
For I knew that when I stepped outside I would run into sin.
Peace and Joy were plentiful, the last things on the shelf.
Songs and Praise were hanging near, so I just helped myself.

Then I said to the angel "Now how much do I owe?"
He smiled and said "Just take them everywhere you go."
Again I asked "Really now, How much do I owe?"
"My child" he said, "God paid your bill a long, long time ago."

All too rarely, Australian airline attendants make an effort to make the in-flight "safety lecture" and their other announcements a bit more entertaining. Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported:

* On an Air NZ Flight with a very "senior" flight attendant crew, the pilot said, "Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants."

* On landing the hostess said, "Please be sure to take all your belongings. If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's something we'd like to have.

* "There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways to leave the aircraft.

* As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Auckland, a lone voice came over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella. WHOA!"

* "In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child travelling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are travelling with more than one small child, pick your favourite.

* "Weather at our destination is 32 degrees with some broken clouds, but we'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than Qantas Airways."

* Your seat cushions can be used for flotation; and in the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments."

* Heard on Qantas Airlines just after a very hard landing in Hobart: The flight attendant came on the intercom and said, "That was quite bumpy and I know what you are all thinking. I'm here to tell you it wasn't the airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't the flight attendant's fault... it was the asphalt!"

* Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: "We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal."

* An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile, and give them a "Thanks for flying United. " He said that, in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Finally everyone had got off except for an old lady walking with a cane. She said, "Sonny, mind if I ask you a question?" "Why no Ma'am," said the pilot. "What is it?" The little old lady said, "Did we land or were we shot down?"

* After a real crusher of a landing in Sydney, the Flight Attendant came on with, "Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Capt. Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate. And, once the tyre smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we'll open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal."

* Part of a flight attendant's arrival announcement: "We'd like to thank you folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurised metal tube, we hope you'll think of Qantas."

This is worth looking at if you have ever wanted to find your old school photographs.

http://www.worldschoolphotographs.com/

This is worth listening to.

http://cupcate.vox.com/library/audio/6a00c2251f58b7549d00d10a7beb598bfa.html

Something to think about when negative people are doing their best to make your life miserable.

A woman was at her hairdresser's getting her hair styled for a trip to Rome with her husband. She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded,

"Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty. You're crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?"

"We're flying LowCostAir," was the reply. "We got a great rate!"

"LowCostAir?" exclaimed the hairdresser. "That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly and they're always late. So, where are you staying in Rome?"

"We'll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome's Tiber River called the Sunshine Exclusive."

"Don't go any further. I know that place. Everybody thinks it's going to be something special and exclusive, but it's really a dump, the worst hotel in the city! The rooms are small, the service is surly and they're overpriced. So, what are you going to doing when you get there?"

"We're going to go to see the Vatican and we hope to see the Pope."

"That's rich," laughed the hairdresser, "You and a million other people are trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it."

A month later, the woman again came in for a hairdo. The hairdresser asked her about her trip to Rome.

"It was wonderful!" exclaimed the woman, "Not only were we on time in one of LowCostAir's brand new planes, but it was overbooked and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a handsome 28-year-old steward who waited on me hand and foot. And the hotel was great! They'd just finished a $5 million remodelling job and now it's a jewel, the finest hotel in the city. They, too, were overbooked, so they apologised and gave us the Presidential Suite at no extra charge!"

"Well," muttered the hairdresser, "that's all well and good, but I know you didn't get to see the Pope."

"Actually, we were quite lucky, because as we toured the Vatican a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder and explained that the Pope likes to meet some of the visitors, and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room and wait the Pope would personally greet me. Sure enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked through the door and shook my hand! I knelt down and he spoke a few words to me."

"Oh, really! What'd he say?"

He said, "Where'd you get the terrible haircut?"

Hope you are feeling better today. Enjoy your day and have fun!

Just trying to catch up inbetween baking a lot of cakes for the cake sale in school tomorrow.

Got talked into doing this my no.2 son who didn't want shop cakes, no he wanted to tie me to the kitchen making lots of fairy cakes! I have ended up doing 6 lots so that we have some as well

Not an exciting day at work today a lot of sorting and filing done, not much else!

Anyways better go, oven is dinging, final lot to come out of the oven then I have to find a home for my new shoes!

Hugs x

On the radio this morning, I was woken by this amusing news story:

Every Christmas, a remote pub in Northern England serves a traditional holiday meal consisting of pate, turkey, roast beef, trimmings and pudding, under its "Family Feast" menu.

According to reports on Thursday, however, American fast food giant Kentucky Fried Chicken is suing the Tan Hill Inn for trademark infringement over the company's own "Family Feast" -- a cardboard box of fried chicken and french fries, coleslaw, potatoes, gravy and a 1.25-litre soft drink bottle.

"The solicitor told me I shouldn't take it personally, but I don't feel anything -- it's just hilarious," the pub's manager, Tracy Daly, told The Times newspaper.

"They are a multi-million-pound international organisation and I am just a little lady up a mountain."

The Tan Hill Inn is a remote pub along the Pennine Way hiking trail, and holds the unusual distinction of being England's highest pub, at 1,732 feet (528 metres), and is four miles (6.4 kilometres) from a tiny North Yorkshire hamlet.

When the pub received a letter from the law firm Freshfields in London, Daly initially thought it was a late April Fool's joke.

Regardless, she said she is not going to back down, telling the paper that she had already had "two firms of solicitors offering to take our case for nothing."

A spokesman for KFC was quoted as saying in The Times: "'Family Feast' is a registered trademark of Kentucky Fried Chicken (Great Britain) Limited. KFC devotes significant resources to promoting and protecting its trademarks."

"This particular instance is being dealt with by our solicitors."

I had to admit to having a chuckle at this that a big corporate organisation should feel so threatened by a small pub in the Penines!

Question: would you look at the menu in the pub that was advertising a 'family feast' and think oh goody I can have a Kentucky Fried Chicken here!

What would you prefer to eat: a good helping of pate, turkey, roast beef, trimmings and pudding, or a cardboard box of fried chicken and french fries, coleslaw, potatoes, gravy and a 1.25-litre soft drink bottle.
I know which one I would prefer, but then again i have never been a fan of KFC or fast food in general lol!

Had to laugh though

So onto todays news. The sun for now is shining though it is still cold and I know that the forecast is for rain later. It is freezing at work at the moment, the head has been walking around in a short sleeved t shirt so therefore we do not need the heating on and anyway it is May so you shouldn't need it. I am hoping for a relatively easy day today. We should have afterall, we are practising for tomorrows assembly and so not much in the way of lessons is being done.

Nigel will be late home tonight as he is off to watch Spurs play, announced he is going on Sunday as well as it is the last game of the season (oh great two months of him in withdrawal mode to look forward to then), so I am dragging him out to MK shoppingo n Saturday and spending his money for him

Long conversation last night with a friend and they have decided that they will come to Florida with us as well - once their daughters wedding is over and done with they will book up - it will only be the two of them so should be fun. We went with them last time and had a great time - helps that we are all so much alike

Right enough of rambling on, must polish shoes and get ready for work!

Have a good day everyone - oh and hope Smichen, CJ and Molt are feeling better today!

Hugs xx

BEDTIME PRAYER

Now I lay me down to sleep

I pray for a man, who is not a creep.

One who's handsome, smart, and strong

And one who's willy is thick and long.

One who thinks before he speaks

When he promises to call, he won't wait for weeks.

I pray that he is gainfully employed

And when I spend his cash, he wont be annoyed.

Pulls out my chair, and opens my door

Massages my back, and begs to do more.

Oh! Send me a man who will make love to my mind

Knows what to say when I ask "How big's my behind"?

One who'll make love 'til my body's a twitchin',

In the hall, the loo, the garden, and kitchen!

I pray this man will love me 'till no end

And never attempts to shag my best friend.

And as I kneel and pray beside my bed

I look at the Shit Head you sent me instead !!!

REVENGE ON THE TELEMARKETER & JUNK MAILERS

Three Little Words That Work!!

(1) The three little words: "Hold On, Please..." Saying this, while putting down your phone and walking off
(instead of hanging-up immediately) would make each telemarketing
call so much more time-consuming that boiler room sales would grind
to a halt.

Then when you eventually hear BT 's "beep-beep-beep" tone, you
know it's time to go back and hang up your handset .... you have
efficiently completed your task.

These three little words could help eliminate telephone
soliciting.

(2) Do you ever get those annoying phone calls with no one on the
other end?

This is a telemarketing technique where a machine makes phone calls and records the time of day when a person answers the phone.

This technique is then used to determine the best time of day for a "real" salesperson to call back and get someone at home.

What you can do after answering: If you notice there is no one
there, is to immediately start hitting your # button on the phone, 6 or
7 times, as quickly as possible. This confuses the machine
that dialled the call and it kicks your number out of their
system. Gosh, what a shame not to have your name in their
system any longer!!!

3: When you get those "pre-approved" letters in the mail for
everything from credit cards to 2nd mortgages and similar type junk,
do not throw away the return envelope.

Most of these come with postage-prepaid return envelopes, right?

It costs them more than the regular postage "IF" and when they
are returned. It costs them nothing if you throw them away!
In that case, why not get rid of some of your other junk mail
and put it in these cool little, postage-prepaid return envelopes.

Send an advert for your local chimney sweeper to American Express ...
they might need one!
Send a pizza coupon to HSBC ... in case their canteen packs up. You
get the idea.

If you didn't get anything else that day, then just send them back
their blank application form ... after all, it is their form!

If you want to remain anonymous, just make sure your name isn't on
anything you return.

You can even send the envelope back empty if you want to just to keep
them guessing! It still costs them, and it is their envelope after
all ... you are just returning it!!!!

The banks and credit card companies are currently getting a lot
of their own junk back in the post, but folks ..... we need to
OVERWHELM them, in order to stop them.

Let's let them know what it's like to get lots of junk mail, and best
of all they're paying for it ... Twice!

Let's help keep Royal Mail busy. Since the Royal Mail are
saying that e-mail is cutting into their business profits, let's help
them so they will not need to increase postage costs again. You
get the idea!

If enough people follow these tips, it will work ---- maybe
you'll get very little junk mail anymore.

There are times in my life when I have felt that I am not alone. I don't mean that I am surrounded by my friends or family or that my husband and kids are in the vincinity, I mean that when I am in the house by myself, there is someone or something with me.

Ok so I have sppoked you all out now and you all think I am a nutter (oh you think that already!). I have a feeling right now that someone is looking over my shoulder, the hairs on the back of my neck are standing up and I just had that shiver down my spine. The fact that I can feel someone there when there isn't a human presence there, doesn't freak me at all, in fact I have got used to it. At the moment it is a calming presence, a sign that all is well, that everything is ok, that nothing will seriously happen. occasionally I feel a different presence, one that tells me something is wrong, one that will unsettle me, and that is when I get to 'see', dream or have have a sense of deja vu.

I know I am never alone. when I was scared no terrified as they wheeled me into theatre to have my first C section that no one had explained to me, I felt my Grandfather hold my hand, he was there with me throughout, and my last vision as I drifted off to sleep was of him smiling at me and telling me it will be ok. People afterwards said that I had imagined things, he had been dead for several years by this point, but occasionally he is with me. Not now though, this is a different presence, one that I am familiar with even if I don't know his name, my guardian angel perhaps who can tell?

So why am I confessing all this now, on a Wednesday morning of all things, when I should be rights be getting ready for work and shouting at two children who have done nothing but snap and argue since they emerged from their beds. The reason why they are arguing is because Richard told us this morning that he was 'visited' in the night, that someone had sat on his bed ans stroked his head after he had a nightmare. Neither of us have been in his room, so Simon has told him that he is being stupid and silly that he just imagined it, which in effect has ended up with one child crying and one child shouting and the pair of them will end up with my wrath if they don't stop it!

I don't think he did make it up though, my instinct is to believe him as I have had similar experiences in the past and because they scared me so much I blocked them out and wouldn't believe. Now though I am more accepting. My dreams were for once pleasant, the type that wrap you up in a lovely warm blanket leaving you soft and cosy and warm inside. These are rare, but I love them when they are like that. I haven't managed to predicet the future yet and I don't have a crystal ball to see into, even I think that would be too much for me lol! For now I will rely on my presence to guide me through.

And so today, it will be busy, the weather does not look good - I predict rain!

Have a good one

TAKING A WOMAN TO BED

What is the difference between girls/women aged:
8, 18, 28, 38, 48, 58, 68, & 78 ?

At 8
You take her to bed and tell her a story.

At 18
You tell her a story and take her to bed.

At 28
You don't need to tell her a story to take her to bed.

At 38
She tells you a story and takes you to bed.

At 48
She tells you a story to avoid going to bed.

At 58
You stay in bed to avoid her story.

At 68
If you take her to bed, that'll be a story!

At 78
What story?
What bed?
Who the are you?

Ok so today was pretty average as days go. Not much needed doing, a few problems to sort out, a few children who were not quite with it due to having yesterday off, a few children who had forgotten to bring reading books in, a few members of staff who had a ball at the weekend and were still suffering today.

Pretty average day really

However it was very cold in school. Stupidly, because we always complain about how hot our classroom is, I just wore a thin longsleeve tshirt with my trousers and no cardigan, and no heating on, sno sun to heat the classroom so I spent all day shivering - great probably will have flu by the end of the week now!

Then leaving work and heading off to Sainsburys for something for tea, and a few bits and pieces for my lunch tomorrow before arriving home to be told that we all had to go to MIL to wish her happy birthday (69 today), and the first thing out of her mouth was "so where are you taking me for my 70th then".

Give us a chance woman, I wanted to scream, but I was good, I kept quiet, smiled sweetly and muttered to Nigel under breath we are not staying long!

Talking of my OH, one of my friends was telling me today how much she envied our relationship. She split from her ex a few years ago. Her reasons for her envy was the fact that we get on so well, we are very much alike in temperament, we enjoy each others company and we laugh together. Nothing frazes us really and we can act stupid round each other. He never gets upset if I talk to other blokes or flirt in the same way as I never get jealous when he talks to other girls, or passes comment on them as he passes in the street. In fact as i said to Meno earlier, if one of us misses something when out the other will point it out. Yes we are compatible, our kids think we are mad, but they like the fact that we can all have a laugh and are not overly serious, so yes it is a match made in heaven and we are very much in love.

I wish all my friends had what we have. His friends treat me as one of them, whereas their wives are on the sidelines at times becuase they don't do the 'chatter.' Talk with the boys is football, sex, football, work, sex etc and I just join in - tone of conversation may end in the gutter, but we have a laugh! Their wives don't do that, they can be quite prudish - in fact when one found her husbands stash of porn she went mental and destroyed it all! She won't even allow him to watch some music channels because some of the videos show scantily clad women! Me, yes he may have it and it really doesn't bother me, because I feel the more you make a point about it, the more they are likely to look at it or secretly hide it. I know where Nig keeps his

But I digress. So many of my friends relationships have dissolved, leaving a trail of bitterness and recriminations, and yet 19 years ago so many people, when we announced we were moving in together 2 months after being 'official', told us that it wouldn't last! Yet here we are. why I can't say except that he is my soulmate, my lover, my friend, my confidante, my friend.

So there we are in Halfords, him looking for batteries for his key fob, me looking at radil/cd players for the car. Pointed out one or two that I liked, he not understanding why I want one for the car so badly because after all I can always tape my CDs can't I?

No I say because it takes up more time and I would rather just be able to play the cds in the car or my mp3 player.

But as usual it is like talking to a brick wall, but I know that eventually he will wake up one morning and think Yes we need a CD player in the car and convince himself that it was his idea!

Then it was off to the pet shop, not for essentials for the dogs, but to look at the fish. Just looking he says dragging me over to the tanks where we met the geek of the year who is obviously the fish fanatic and knows everything you probably ever want to know about fish, even down to how much character they have - at one point I thought that he was going to tell me that they laugh at his jokes (which he tried to tell us badly) and that they do a song and dace as well!

So Nig ends up buying a couple of different varieties leaving himself £30 poorer and he complains to me about looking at some toys for the dogs because we are saving for Florida!!!!!

so that was my afternoon, very windy out, but warm and sun is trying very hard to shine

Have to be serious Faffa now.

Just been told off by hubby he wishes to go out so is dragging me to Halfords of all places!

May, just may get him to go round a few shops with me yet

See you later

Do not use if you cannot see clearly to read the information in the information booklet." -- In the information booklet.

"Caution: The contents of this bottle should not be fed to fish." -- On a bottle of shampoo for dogs.

"For external use only!" -- On a curling iron.

"Warning: This product can burn eyes." -- On a curling iron.

"Do not use while sleeping or unconscious." -- On a hand-held massaging device.

"Do not place this product into any electronic equipment." -- On the case of a chocolate CD in a gift basket.

"Recycled flush water unsafe for drinking." -- On a toilet at a public sports facility in Ann Arbor, Michigan.

"Shin pads cannot protect any part of the body they do not cover." -- On a pair of shin guards made for bicyclists.

"This product not intended for use as a dental drill." -- On an electric rotary tool.

"Do not drive with sunshield in place." -- On a cardboard sunshield that keeps the sun off the dashboard.

"Caution: This is not a safety protective device." -- On a plastic toy helmet used as a container for popcorn.

"Do not use near fire, flame, or sparks." -- On an "Aim-n-Flame" fireplace lighter.

"Not intended for highway use." -- On a 13-inch wheel on a wheelbarrow.

"Eating rocks may lead to broken teeth." -- On a novelty rock garden set called "Popcorn Rock."

"Caution! Contents hot!" -- On a Domino's Pizza box.

"Caution: Hot beverages are hot!" -- On a coffee cup.

"Warning: May contain small parts." -- On a frisbee.

"Do not use orally." -- On a toilet bowl cleaning brush.

"Please keep out of children." -- On a butcher knife.

"Not suitable for children aged 36 months or less." -- On a birthday card for a 1 year old.

"Warning: Do not use on eyes." -- In the manual for a heated seat cushion.

"Do not look into laser with remaining eye." -- On a laser pointer.

"For use on animals only." -- On an electric cattle prod.

"For use by trained personnel only." -- On a can of air freshener.

"Remember, objects in the mirror are actually behind you." -- On a motorcycle helmet-mounted rear-view mirror.

"Warning: Do not climb inside this bag and zip it up. Doing so will cause injury and death." -- A label inside a protective bag (for fragile objects), which measures 15cm by 15cm by 12cm.

"Do not use as ear plugs." -- On a package of silly putty.

"Warning: knives are sharp!" -- On the packaging of a sharpening stone.

"Do not use intimately." -- On a tube of deodorant.

"Warning: has been found to cause cancer in laboratory mice." -- On a box of rat poison.

"Fragile. Do not drop." -- Posted on a Boeing 757.

"Caution: Remove infant before folding for storage." -- On a portable stroller.

"Excessive dust may be irritating to shin and eyes." -- On a tube of agarose powder, used to make gels.

"Look before driving." -- On the dash board of a mail truck.

"Do not iron clothes on body." -- On packaging for a Rowenta iron.

"Do not drive car or operate machinery." -- On Boot's children's cough medicine.

"Warning: do not use if you have prostate problems." -- On a box of Midol PMS relief tablets.

"May be harmful if swallowed." -- On a shipment of hammers.

"Do not attempt to stop the blade with your hand." -- In the manual for a Swedish chainsaw.

"Do not dangle the mouse by its cable or throw the mouse at co-workers." -- From a manual for an SGI computer.

"Do not eat if seal is missing." -- On said seal.

"Warning: May cause drowsiness." -- On a bottle of Nytol, a brand of sleeping pills.

"Warning: Misuse may cause injury or death." -- Stamped on the metal barrel of a .22 calibre rifle.

"Do not use orally after using rectally." -- In the instructions for an electric thermometer.

"Not to be used as a personal flotation device." -- On a 6x10 inch inflatable picture frame.

"Not dishwasher safe." -- On a remote control for a TV.

"For lifting purposes only." -- On the box for a car jack.

"Do not put lit candles on phone." -- On the instructions for a cordless phone.

"Warning! This is not underwear! Do not attempt to put in pants." -- On the packaging for a wristwatch.

The following quotes taken from the Toronto News on July 26, 1977, are actual statements from insurance forms where car drivers tried to summarize accident details in as few words as possible. Such instances of faulty writing serve to confirm that grammer bloopers can be highly entertaining.

1. Coming home I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have.

2. The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intent.

3. I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way.

4. In my attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole.

5. I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I reached an intersection, a hedge sprang up, obscuring my vision and I did not see the other car.

6. I had been driving for forty years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident.

7. I was on my way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my universal joint gave way causing me to have an accident.

8. My car was legally parked as it backed into the other vehicle.

9. As I approached the intersection a sign suddenly appeared in a place where no sign had ever appeared before, making me unable to avoid the accident.

10. I told the police I was not injured, but upon removing my hair, I found that I had a fractured skull.

11. I was sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the road when I struck him.

12. I saw a slow-moving, sad-faced old gentleman as he bounced off the hood of my car.

13. The indirect cause of the accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth.

14. I was thrown from my car as it left the road, and was later found in a ditch by some stray cows.

15. A pedestrian hit me and went under my car.

16. I thought my window was down, but I found out it was up when I put my head through it.

17. To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front, I struck the pedestrian.

18. The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him.

19. The pedestrian had no idea which way to run, so I ran over him.

20. An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished.

21. A truck backed through my windshield into my wife's face.

22. I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law, and headed over the embankment.

Article found on an Australian website

REMOVING all your pubic hair improves a woman's sex life, according to a sample of Australians who have embraced the Brazilian phenomenon.

Preliminary results from a quirky online survey by cosmetic specialists have shed the first light on the reasons many Australian women opt to permanently remove all their genital hair.

More than 80 per cent said they underwent the so-called permanent Brazilian, where hair is lasered off, for aesthetic reasons, and about 60 per cent said hygiene was a motivator.

But half of the 100 women of all ages surveyed also reported that being hairless made then feel sexier and enhanced their sexual pleasure.

So now you all know

Thanks for all your suggestions, think I may have found a pair and ordered them, hopefully to arrive sometime this week for me to see what they are like with the dress!

Wet like most Bank holidays, though I will admit the garden needs the rain so shouldn't really complain.

it is just I like the sun too much, it makes me feel cheerful after a winter of feeling depressed.

Oh well can't have everything in life can we lol!

I was planning on hitting the shops and trying to get some shoes for my outfit, but as I have only just emerged from the sanctum of my bed, it may take a while for me to get everyone else up and ready so I may just have to postpone it for now.

I am not sure what colour to get though. I did think pink to go with the dress but most of the pink shoes out there are either too bright or too shocking and wouldn't go. So may get cream instead. I have an aversion to white shoes, though that may be a possibility is all else fails. Any ideas? I will post a piccy of the dress.

Oh and no it isn't me just the catalogue picture lol.

So any ideas will be welcome. I have tried the shoes that the woman in the picture is wearing but they were a little high and I found I had difficulty in walking in them though I may have to practice that one!

Right breakfast is calling me, bacon rolls yoummy!

Wet like most Bank holidays, though I will admit the garden needs the rain so shouldn't really complain.

it is just I like the sun too much, it makes me feel cheerful after a winter of feeling depressed.

Oh well can't have everything in life can we lol!

I was planning on hitting the shops and trying to get some shoes for my outfit, but as I have only just emerged from the sanctum of my bed, it may take a while for me to get everyone else up and ready so I may just have to postpone it for now.

I am not sure what colour to get though. I did think pink to go with the dress but most of the pink shoes out there are either too bright or too shocking and wouldn't go. So may get cream instead. I have an aversion to white shoes, though that may be a possibility is all else fails. Any ideas? I will post a piccy of the dress.

Oh and no it isn't me just the catalogue picture lol.

So any ideas will be welcome. I have tried the shoes that the woman in the picture is wearing but they were a little high and I found I had difficulty in walking in them though I may have to practice that one!

Right breakfast is calling me, bacon rolls yoummy!

In answer to your query, this is it lol

We have had a pleasant day wondering around one of our favourite garden centres.

Most of my pots need replacings, so we priced up a few plants and compost and looked at the pots, which came to a lot of money, when I noticed some pots for sale that already had several plants in them. On further inspection we decided that there could be in the region of 10 plants in each pot and the whole thing cost £10.99!

Bargain.

So mission in future to buy pots with plants in as it is cheaper

Course I have a planter outside the front door which will need a few plants will put some in there when I have some more money at a later date.

Then there was the weekly shop to do so we headed to Sainsburys as it is only down the road from home and couldn't be bothered to go anywhere else. Mind you we didn't need an awful lot anyway, just a few bits and pieces for sandwiches next week, a couple of things to make meals from and milk and bread really. Oh and toilet rolls - we seem to be getting through a huge amount of these lately lol!

Anyway not being bothered to cook I picked up an Indian meal for 4 to eat tonight and some huge naan bread. Go down nicely with a glass of wine

Nigel is cleaning hte fish tank, a job I hate him doing when I am around as I hate the smell of fish, and not being a fish lover it really makes my stomach turn. Ok I am a wuss, but do I care? he is bothering me anyway, already he has worked out how much we can put by each month to pay for our holiday next year and everytime I look at something he asks if I really need it "we are saving for a holiday you know" he says!

I told him we still have to live and anyway we can pay for the holiday now, but he wants to try and leave that and pay off as much as possible in the meantime. Makes sense I suppose you never know what might happen in the meantime, but honestly anyone would think we are destitute. We aren't quite there yet lol!

Right better go and catch up with you all!

here

here

I am a Lily

You are a nurturer and all around natural therapist.
People see you as their rock. And they are able to depend on you.
You are a soothing influence. You can make people feel better with a few words.
Your caring has more of an impact than even you realize.

Yes that would just about describe me I suppose or at least that is what people tell me lol

Afraid that the coding didn't work (again!)
But you can find it here

" I can't hear the fan" he says as he peers into the oven to check to see if dinner is cooked yet.

"What do you mean you can't hear it?" Says I

"Its not working the fan isn't working, I can't hear it" he says

"Is the light on?"

"No"

"Thats why then, when it gets a certain temperature, the light and the fan go out and will only come on when the temperature drops"

"Ok" he says, closes oven door, sets the timer again and sits to play on the laptop.

DIng ding ding goes the bell on the timer.

He goes out then calls from the kitchen

"F***ing thing isn't working"

"What isn't"

"The F***ing oven, nothing is cooked" he screams at me.

so I wander out into the kitchen.

Oven is turned on, fan dial is on - then look at the timer and it has been switched to come on automatically, but it is flashing because he hasn't told it when to come on automatically! so i turn the automatic function off and lol and behold the oven springs to life!

At some point tonight, we may, just may, get something to eat!

Have a great day hun!

Hugs xx

Walking through town today we thought we would price up for FLorida next year. So there we are talking to a lovely woman in Thompson who writes down all the prices for our enquiry and checks the virgin website for us to find that it is £300 cheaper with them.

Off she runs to speak to her manager, who then gives us a lovely discount if we book today with virgin through them.

With all the discounts and buying attraction tickets through them as well ( Walt Disney tickets and universal tickets) we are paying £400 less than when we went to Florida in 2005!

The outcome?

We run off to the building society to draw some money from our savings and booked there and then.

We are off to Florida in August next year and we are sooooo excited!!!

We will be staying here:

Ah dinner out was absolutely gorgeous yesterday evening.

Finally got to the restaurant in time, despite traffic on the road. Got seated and stared at by various other people eating in there because we dared to bring children in (well one child the other one looks adultish) but even if I do say so myself both were impeccably behaved, no arguments (for once) no silliness just sat quietly throughout and not disturbing the other customers who had given us funny looks.

Waitress bought us a basket full of sliced french bread and some butter in pots for each of us to chew on while we decided what we wanted to eat.

Richard had garlic bread and then just plain steak with fries
Nigel had chicken dish to start then steak with a spicy sauce
Simon had chicken dish to start then steak with tarragon nicole sauce
and I had garlic bread to start then steak with the spicy sauce.

I have honestly never tasted steak so lovely. Melt in the mouth and so very tender as well.

We decided against desserts as we were so full from the main meal, all of which served with flat fries and onion rings on a huge (and I mean huge) leaf of lettuce!

All very rich, all lovely and delicious and well worth every penny we spent on it.

Boringly only I was drinking as Nigel decided to drive for once so couldn't drink but have decided next time we will go by ourselves and get a taxi so we can both drink!

Both chefs (husband and wife team) came out and spoke to the customers when they had finished cooking which was a nice touch, though he spent a long time at our table discussing lights with Nig to find out when Nig could come and mend a couple for him! We complimented him on the food then he spoke to me for ages, rattled on, while I sat with a stupid grin on my face and nodding occasionally. I have no idea what he said, his accent is very thick and he speaks very fast, think I could have had more of a chance if he spoke French - or maybe he was lol!

It was a good night though and one that will definately be repeated.

For hubby to come home and take me out.

We are off to a French Restuarant tonight, a belated birthday meal, unfortunately with kids in tow but you can't have everything can you lol!

This restuarant is in town and one of the ones that Nig has been doing up recently. I have never been but most people I have told have said it is very nice. Hope I do enjoy it but I have a stinking headache and hoping that it doesn't affect my enjoyment lol!

Because More learning, Subs and AJ did it and like a sheep i followed!

Adam Sandler
Comic actor

Bob Wells
Athlete,

Chris Rock
American comedian, who has starred in several movies. 1966+

Cindy Crawford
One of the original supermodels

Cynthia Nixon
Actress - sex in the city

David Schwimmer
Stars as Ross in Friends, the mega-successful American comedy

Dean Cain
Actor, made famous by Superman role

Helena Bonham Carter
Actress, one of her most famous roles was in "Planet Of The Apes"

Janet Jackson
Singer, sister of Michael

John Cusack
Talented actor,

Julianna Margulies
Actress

Kiefer Sutherland
Famous actor

Lisa Stansfield
Famous and successful singer

Mike Tyson
Famous boxer

Salma Hayek
Actress, starred in films like 'Traffic'

Scott Adams
Creator of the Dilbert cartoons

Shirley Manson
Lead singer of Garbage who really is Scottish, although fellow members Butch, Duke and Steve are American

Sophie Marceau
Talented and attractive French actress

Tatjana Patitz
Model

Tea Leoni
Wife of David Duchovny of "The X-Files"

Tia Carrere
Talented and successful actress,

Like the sheep following...............

thanks to Smichen for telling me how to do this

Ok so housework hasn't been done yet, but I have had a busy morning that wasn't in the least bit exciting. Long discussion with mum on the phone, wi (which wasn't as good as I hoped) and seeing the nurse for that awful thing us women have to go through at least once every three years if we are unlucky.

So now I am sitting here eating a bacon sarnie, because I missed breakfast, and debating about popping up to the shops to get a new pedometer to work out how far I am walking on a daily basis.

I should have done some washing I admit, I should have done some housework, but hey the sun is shining and I really need to clear my head, there are thoughts going through it at an alarming rate and I can't settle to anything.

Combined with the fact that I think we may have brought our old ghost ith us because things are going missing here again - one pedometer, one diary and one book that I was reading!!!

I have had this house upside down looking for everything and haven't found them. I give up at times

Or rather the candidate that I voted for.

Not saying who, lets just say that I didn't really like any of them, the photo of the conservative candidate made him look like a dirty old man in a brown overcoat or paedophile as son said, Labour candidates I have never heard of, the Lib Dems have ruined the council and there was someone from liberty freedom party - or some such name.

So I stood there and looked at the boxes, looked again, looked for a third time and decided to only vote for one candidate instead of the choice of two that we were given.

My argument being, 1 of them will get in. The one that is the one I chose I can moan at personally, the one that I didn't vote for that will get in I can moan at because I used my vote - I voted.

Hubby I admit, despite many protestations did manage to get to vote as well and couldn't believe it took me so long to make my mind up (he only ever votes for one party every time, he is very predictable) then came the analysis as we walked home, who we had voted for and why - the only time we ever discuss politics apart from the rare occasion when he wants to call everyone in parliament a**es!

So I have done my duty, My X was placed and I wish whoever wins luck because believe me, you will now be inundated with letters of complaint on a regular basis, something which I think you will find your predecessor did which is probably why he decided that enough was enough and stood down!

I am so tired

I only got up because I needed to visit the bathroom, then decided to stay up and drink that lovely cup of tea that hubby had made me. He has now left with Simon to visit a building site in Chessington and do some work

Last day at work for me today then a long weekend beckons. Lovely, can't wait though typically one online weather forcast tells me that it will rain while another tells me that it will be sunny but cloudy, and another tells me it will be really really sunny! So take your pick as to what the weather will be like this weekend!

Course I have plans to visit MK and hopefully find the right shade of shoes to go with the outfit for the wedding I am going to next month. Not as easy as this sounds as I have wide feet and so most shoes are a D width size and when you are a EEE size it makes it difficult. I also have slightly odd sizes as well - one foot is a size 6 while the other is 5½ so it takes a long time to find shoes!

Right enough waffling on better get myself in that shower and get ready for work. A long day today so we shall see what that holds for us. Have a good one

Despite telling hubby over a week ago, that today he will need to be home by 5 because I have a meeting, he texted me earlier to say he wouldn't be home because he was tied up on a Job.

a) good job I know what he means and it wasn't in a sexual way
b) why today when I need him at home AARRRGGGHHHH!

Normally, he being tied up at work is not usually a problem as Simon is here to look after his brother, but Simon is on work experience this week - guess who with? Yes his father!

So frantic phonecalls made trying to find someone who will have the youngest after school so that I could make the meeting, eventually tracked down MIL who agreed to have him.

Now here is where the fun and games began.

MIL lives approximately 15 minutes away from the school.

Remember I am now walking to and from work so I didn't have the car. So off we set after school, heading towards MIl house when Richard informs me he has left his bag at school.

Check watch.

Go back to school to get bag - it soaking wet due to water bottle not having lid put back on properly, so we walk through the streets with a dripping bag.

Eventually get to MIL who examines Richards jumper.

"I can't see where it is wet" she says.

"Because it isn't" says I, "it is the bag and everything inside it which is"

"where"

"inside the bag"

"oh" she says still looking at the bag which is dripping over her pristine floor. "It's wet what do you want me to do with it?" She says

"Err put it on the line to dry?" suggests I.

"how?" she says

By this time I notice time is marching on and that there is no way I will be able to walk a 40 minute walk to meeting destination in approx 20 minutes, even if I jog a bit in inappropriate footwear!

"Ok, how about you drop me off at home, I can hang them out and then get to my meeting."

"Drop you off? How do you want me to do that?" she says.

By now I am getting seriously worried. Persuade her she needs to drive her car and drop me off at home, which ends up with her:

1) searching for keys
2) searching for driving shoes
3) opening garage and attempting to reverse car out of it at a snails pace
4) us all getting into car when Richard points out he can't do up seatbelt because the back seats are covered in sheets in case they get dog hairs on them
5) me losing my temper and refusing to get into back seat and Richard in front because a) we might get stopped by the police and there is no booster seat, b) Not sure she wouldn't have an accident and me with no seat belt is more dangerous for Richard as a passenger.

So after we relocated seatbelt, tucked Richard in tightly, got back into the car, she then drives at a snails pace all the way home (a five min journey by car normally, now taking 15 minutes) complaining about the bad drivers on the road!

When I eventually manage to alight at home and send her back on her way praying my son will be safe, manage to peg out items on washing line and then get to meeting.

Hubby eventually managed to get home at 7.15 after picking Richard up declaring his mother is 'losing it', as she was telling him where she wanted him to scatter her ashes!!!

BTW it took him from 4pm to get home on a journey that would have taken 11/2 hours normally lol!

What Disney character are you?

Goofy

You can be a bit crazy sometimes and like to try new things, but you have a heart of gold for your friends and family.

http://www.youthink.com/quiz.asp?action=take&quiz_id=2492

HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY? (written by kids)

You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you
like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should
keep the chips and dip coming.
-- Alan, age 10

No person really decides before they grow up who they're going
to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later
who you're stuck with.
-- Kristen, age 10

WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?
Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person
FOREVER by then.
-- Camille, age 10

HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?
You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be
yelling at the same kids.
-- Derrick, age 8

WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?
Both don't want any more kids.
-- Lori, age 8

WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?
Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to
know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.
-- Lynnette, age 8 (isn't she a treasure)

On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that
Usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.
-- Martin, age 10

WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR?
I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the
newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns.
-- Craig, age 9

WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?
When they're rich.
-- Pam, age 7

The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to
mess with that.
- - Curt, age 7

The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should
marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do.
-- Howard, age 8

IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?
It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need
someone to clean up after them.
-- Anita, age 9 (bless you child)

HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?
There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there? --
Kelvin, age 8

And the #1 Favorite is........
HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?
Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a
dump truck.
-- Ricky, age 10

Divorce Letter
Things are not as they seem always.

Dear Wife:
I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for good.
I've been a good man to you for seven years and I have nothing to show
for it. These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me
that you had quit your job today and that was the last straw. Last week,
you came home and didn't even notice that I had gotten a new hair cut,
cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers.
You came home and ate in two minutes, and went straight to sleep after
watching all of your soaps. You don't tell me you love me anymore, you
don't want sex anymore or anything. Either you're cheating on me or you
don't love me anymore, whatever the case is, I'm gone.
Your EX-Husband
P.S. Don't try to find me. Your SISTER and I are moving away to West
Virginia together! Have a great life!

Dear Ex-Husband:

Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true that
you and I have been married for seven years, although a good man is a
far cry from what you've been. I watch my soaps so much because they
drown out your constant whining and griping. Too bad that doesn't work.
I did notice when you got a hair cut last week, the first thing that
came to mind was "You look just like a girl!" but my mother raised me
not to say anything if you can't say anything nice. And when you cooked
my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER,
because I stopped eating pork seven years ago. I turned away from you
when you had those new silk boxers on because the price tag was still on
them. I prayed that it was a coincidence that my sister had just
borrowed fifty dollars from me that morning ... And your silk boxers
were $49.99. After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could
work it out. So when I discovered that I had hit the lotto for ten
million dollars, I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica. But
when I got home you were gone. Everything happens for a reason I guess.
I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said
that with your letter that you wrote, you won't get a dime from me. So
take care.
Signed Rich As Hell and Free!

P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this but Carla, my sister, was born
Carl. I hope that's not a problem.

There have been times in my life when I have wondered if any of this is worth it. What the hell are we doing to ourselves and others around us.

What is the meaning of our existence?

then this morning, I got up early because I couldn't sleep, came downstairs, made a cup of tea and sat in the conservatory and watched the sun appear, light dawning, birds singing and getting busy to greet the day, the squirrels searching for plants I haven't planted yet - life coming to the garden once more.

It was wonderful and brought joy to my heart.

Yesterday I was told that I was lucky. That the relationship I had with my husband was wonderful to see that we were so well matched and obviously very happy. Yes we are, though like lots of couples we have our moments, I suppose all couples do, but we never argue, just diagree, and he puts up with my mood swings in an understanding way - or rather he just ignores me lol!

We always talk, even when we are out, and yes I am truly blessed, a wonderful husband and two wonderful sons, something to be very thankful for this morning.

So today is halfway through the week. Day two of May and lots of things to be done at work. Just sent youngest to get washed and dressed and ready for school, I will go in a minute once I have managed to answer a few emails and decided what I have to do before I dash out of that door for my daily walk. I have enjoyed walking to and from work thus far, though Richard hasn't enjoyed it as much prefering to whinge about how much his little legs hurt poor thing (cruel mother). But it is good for both of us and gives us a little time together as well.

So I will leave you to enjoy your day and hopefully see you later!

May already.

Eeek

What happened to the last couple of months?

Where did they go?

Into our fifth month of the year, at the end of which I will be celebrating my blog birthday.

So almost a year of blogging, of venting my frustrations, to share my problems and the funny things that happen in my world.

So today, it has been wonderful outside, the weather gloriously sunny my arms going a nice colour from the walking I am doing. Richard is not so keen on the walking but I told him if he continues to moan then the walk will take longer because I will go the long way round - he soon shut up!

Today was our feast day at school, but we didn't celebrate as the inspectors were in. They seem pleased with what they saw, but time will tell really. The children will be having a picnic on Friday instead to make up for missing out on one today, something that they will be happy about no doubt

Only two more days at work and a long weekend beckons, can't wait. Downside to it all is that I have an appointment with the nurse on Friday at the doctors surgery for that wonderful event us women have to go through on a three yearly basis. I am not looking forward to it, I admit, I hate it with a vengence, but it must be done. Sometimes being a woman is not much fun!

Right better get myself sorted for going round to catch up with a couple of friends I havent' seen for a while, won't be a late night, work beckons tomorrow, but it will be nice to catch up with the gossip!

Hugs to you all