Age-Activated Attention Deficit Disorder:
Recently, I was diagnosed with A.A.A.D.D. - Age
Activated Attention Deficit Disorder.
This is how it manifests:
I decide to water my garden.
As I turn on the hose in the driveway, I look over
at my car and decide it needs washing.
As I start toward the car, I notice mail on the
porch table that I brought up from the mail box earlier.
I decide to go through the mail before I wash
the car.
I lay my car keys on the table, put the junk
mail in the garbage can and notice that the can is full.
So, I decide to put the bills back on the table
and take out the garbage first but then I think, since I'm going
to be near the mailbox when I take out the garbage anyway, I
may as well pay the bills.
I take my check book off the table, and see that
there is only one check left. My extra checks are in my desk in
the study, so I go to my desk where I find the bottle of beer I'd been
drinking.
I'm going to look for my checks, but first I need
to push the beer aside so that I don't accidentally knock it
over.
The beer is getting warm, and I decide to put it
in the refrigerator to keep it cold.
As I head toward the kitchen with the beer, a
pot of flowers on the window sill catches my eye-they are drooping and
need water.
I put the beer on the coffee table and discover
my reading glasses that I've been searching for all morning.
I decide I better put them back on my desk, but
first I'm going to water the flowers.
I set the glasses back down on table, and on the
way to get a container of water, I spot the TV remote. Someone left
it on the
kitchen counter.
I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV,
I'll be looking for the remote, but I won't remember that it's on
the kitchen counter, so I decide to put it back in the den where it
belongs, but first I'll get the water for the flowers.
I get the water and spill some on the floor.
I set the remote back on the counter and get
some paper towels and wipe up the spill.
Then, I head down the hall trying to remember
what I was planning to do.
At the end of the day:
The car isn't washed
The bills aren't paid
There is a warm bottle of beer sitting on
the counter
The flowers don't have enough water
There is still only one check in my check book
I can't find the remote
I can't find my glasses
And I don't remember what I did with the car keys.
When I try to figure out why nothing got done today, I'm really
baffled because I know I was busy all damn day,
and I'm really tired. I realize this is a serious problem, and
I'll try to get some help for it, but first I'll check my
e-mail.
Do me a favor. Forward this message to everyone you know, because I
don't remember who the hell I've sent it to.
Don't laugh too hard-- if this isn't you yet,
your day is coming!!
