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Posts archive for: 28 May, 2007
  • Little Lucy

    Little Lucy went out into the garden and saw her cat Piddles
    lying on the ground with its eyes shut and its legs in the air.
    She fetched her Dad to look at Piddles, and on seeing the cat he
    said, as gently as he could,

    "I'm afraid Piddles is dead, Lucy."

    "So why are his legs sticking up in the air like that, Daddy?"
    asked Lucy as she fought back the tears.

    At a loss for something to say the father replied, "Piddles'
    legs are pointing straight up in the air so that it will be
    easier for Jesus to float down from heaven above and grab a leg
    and lift Piddles up to heaven."

    Little Lucy seemed to take her Piddles' death quite well.
    However, two days later when her father came home from work,
    Lucy had tears in her eyes and said: "Mommy almost died this
    morning."

    Fearing something terrible had happened the father shook the
    girl and shouted, "How do you mean Lucy? Tell Daddy!"

    "Well", mumbled Lucy, "soon after you left for work this morning
    I saw mommy lying on the floor with her legs in the air and she
    was shouting, "Oh Jesus!!! I'm coming, I'm coming!!!" and if it
    hadn't been for the milkman She'd have fu***ng gone!!!

  • The Graduate

    The first day of school our professor introduced himself and challenged us to get to know someone we didn't already know. I stood up to look around when a gentle hand touched my shoulder.

    I turned round to find a wrinkled, little old lady beaming up at me with a smile that lit up her entire being.

    She said, 'Hi handsome. My name is Rose.

    I'm eighty-seven years old. Can I give you a hug?'

    I laughed and enthusiastically responded, 'Of course you may!' and she gave me a giant squeeze.

    'Why are you in college at such a young, innocent age?' I asked.

    She jokingly replied, 'I'm here to meet a rich husband, get married, and have a couple of kids...'

    'No seriously,' I asked. I was curious what may have motivated her to be taking on this challenge at her age.

    'I always dreamed of having a college education and now I'm getting one!' she told me.

    After class we walked to the student union building and shared a chocolate milkshake.

    We became instant friends. Every day for the next three months we would leave class together and talk njava-script. I was always mesmerized listening to this 'time machine' as she shared her wisdom and experience with me. Over the course of the year, Rose became a campus icon and she easily made friends wherever she went.

    She loved to dress up and she revelled in the attention bestowed upon her from the other students. She was living it up. At the end of the semester we invited Rose to speak at our football banquet. I'll never forget what she taught us. She was introduced and stepped up to the podium. As she began to deliver her prepared speech, she dropped her three by five cards on the floor.
    Frustrated and a little embarrassed she leaned into the microphone and simply said, 'I'm sorry I'm so jittery. I gave up beer for Lent and this whiskey is killing me! I'll never get my speech back in order so let me just tell you what I know.' As we laughed she cleared her throat and began, 'We do not stop playing because we are old; we grow old because we stop playing.

    There are only four secrets to staying young, being happy, and achieving success. You have to laugh and find humour every day. You've got to have a dream. When you lose your dreams, you die.

    We have so many people walking around who are dead and don' t even know it!

    There is a huge difference between growing older and growing up.

    If you are nineteen years old and lie in bed for one full year and don't do one productive thing, you will turn twenty years old. If I am eighty-seven years old and stay in bed for a year and never do anything I will turn eighty-eight.

    Anybody can grow older. That doesn't take any talent or ability. The idea is to grow up by always finding opportunity in change. Have no regrets.

    The elderly usually don't have regrets for what we did, but rather for things we did not do. The only people who fear death are those with regrets.'

    She concluded her speech by courageously singing 'The Rose.'

    She challenged each of us to study the lyrics and live them out in our daily lives.

    At the year's end Rose finished the college degree she had begun all those years ago.

    One week after graduation Rose died peacefully in her sleep.

    Over two thousand college students attended her funeral in tribute to the wonderful woman who taught by example that it's never too late to be all you can possibly be

    When you finish reading this, please send this peaceful word of advice to your friends and family, they'll really enjoy it!

    These words have been passed along in loving memory of ROSE.

    REMEMBER, GROWING OLDER IS MANDATORY. GROWING UP IS OPTIONAL.

    We make a Living by what we get, We make a Life by what we give.
    God promises a safe landing, not a calm passage. If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it.

  • Government Logo

    Thought this was quite amusing!

    Governmentlogo

  • Wet bank holiday

    Well today we should be at a Garden fair at Wrest Park, buying some plants and things for the garden, but decided against it as it has been bucketing down all night and still is!

    So I stayed in bed instead and listened to the rain bouncing on the window and the wind howling through the trees. I have managed to emerge from my comfy warm bed and come downstairs because Nigel is cooking egg on toast and how could I refuse that!

    So no plans for today now except to wallow in self pity and put on a DVD or two while I attempt to do the ironing - then again perhaps I will just veg out on the sofa and watch the DVDs:)

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