Spread your wings and fly away

Today at the drugstore, the clerk was a gent.
From my purchase this chap took off ten percent.
I asked for the cause of a lesser amount;
And he answered, Because of the Seniors Discount.

I went to McDonald's for a burger and fries;
And there, once again, got quite a surprise.
The clerk poured some coffee which he handed to me.
He said, For you, Seniors, the coffee is free.

Understand---I'm not old---I'm merely mature;
But some things are changing, temporarily, I'm sure.
The newspaper print gets smaller each day,
And people speak softer---can't hear what they say.

My teeth are my own (I have the receipt.),
and my glasses identify people I meet.
Oh, I've slowed down a bit...not a lot, I am sure.
You see, I'm not old...I'm only mature.

The gold in my hair has been bleached by the sun.
You should see all the damage that chlorine has done.
Washing my hair has turned it all white,
But don't call it gray...saying blond is just right.

My car is all paid for...not a nickel is owed.
Yet a kid yells, Old duffer...get off of the road!
My car has no scratches...not even a dent.
Still I get all that guff from a punk who's Hell bent.

My friends all get older...much faster than me.
They seem much more wrinkled, from what I can see.
I've got character lines, not wrinkles...for sure,
But don't call me old...just call me mature.

The steps in the houses they're building today
Are so high that they take...your breath all away;
And the streets are much steeper than ten years ago.
That should explain why my walking is slow.

But I'm keeping up on what's hip and what's new,
And I think I can still dance a mean boogaloo.
I'm still in the running...in this I'm secure,
I'm not really old...I'm only mature

A man starts his new job at the zoo and is given three tasks.
First is to clear the exotic fish pool of weeds. As he does this, a huge fish jumps out and bites him. To show the others who's boss, he beats it to death with a spade.
Realising his employer won't be best pleased, he disposes of the fish by feeding it to the lions, as lions will eat anything.

Moving on to the second job of clearing out the chimp house, he is attacked by the chimps who pelt him with coconuts. He swipes at two chimps with a spade, killing them both. What can he do? Feed them to the lions, he says to himself, because lions eat anything. He hurls the corpses into the lion enclosure.

He moved on to the last job, which is to collect honey from the South American bees. As soon as he starts, he is attacked by the bees. He grabs the spade and smashes the bees to a pulp. By now he knows what to do and throws them into the lion's cage - because lions eat anything.

Read on if you have to but you may regret this.....................

Later that day a new lion arrives at the zoo.
He wanders up to another lion and says "What's the food like here??
The lion says "Absolutely brilliant. Today we had fish and chimps with mushy bees."

HOLY SOAP

Two priests are off to the showers late one night. They undress and step
into the showers before they realize there is no soap .. Father John says he
has soap in his room and goes to get it, not bothering to dress. He grabs
two bars of soap, one in each hand, and heads back to the showers.

He is halfway down the hall when he sees three nuns heading his way. Having
no place to hide, he stands against the wall and freezes like he's a statue.

The nuns stop and comment on how life-like he looks. The first nun suddenly
reaches out and pulls on his manhood.

Startled, he drops a bar of soap. " Oh look" says the first nun, "it's a
soap dispenser". To test her theory the second nun also pulls on his
manhood. Sure enough, he drops the second bar of soap. Now the third nun
decides to have a go. She pulls once, Then twice and three times but nothing
happens. So she gives several more! tugs,then yells. "Holy Mary, Mother of
God, hand lotion too!"

NOTE: This is from a Catholic Deacon who sent this to me

Caught up with friends posts, if I haven't replied to your post, I did read but what I have to say has already been said.

Read a couple of posts asking how people keep up with their friends.

Here is my solution.

Log onto email and read all replies to own post, make a comment even if it is only a Hug or a , read all private posts and leave a quick comment if one is required or a hug and a .

Then look up friends posts on blog.co.uk and comment or hug or

Go through to where you left off last time to make sure that you have read them all.

Yes it takes time, but that way you have read and you keep up with what is going on and it works for me.

There are times though when just sometimes I have to skip through as I don't have time, but I always try and hug if I can.

Righ How to look good Naked will be on in a mo, must get some more fashion tips

Hugs xx

We have MIL's bird staying with us again and it is noisy, so very noisy! Not content with just the odd song or chat to the other birds through his cage, he is now tearing up the paper on the bottom of his cage and throwing seeds out over my floor.

It is doing my head in!!!!

In other news, weather dull. Forecasters have promised that it will be sunny but looking out the window I do not think so somehow. Oh well perhaps it will brighten up later.

Last night was full of dreams, weird ones at that and some that do not make any sense at all. Post this morning brings me a planning consultation for my neighbour who wishes to build a single storey extension at the side of their house, so Nig has been through the paper and got a few phone numbers for people to come down and discuss ours - yeah like that will ever happen!

All I want is a porch and a utility room, he is talking about extra rooms - i can't keep tidy what I have!!!!

Oh well better go and see if the kids are read;y for school yet and get ready myself for work. Better put some washing on as well!

Have a good day

Hugs xx