Spread your wings and fly away

and on that note I am heading off to my bed to scream into a pillow or two

Sweet dreams xx

The Ugly Frog

An older lady was somewhat lonely and decided she needed a pet to keep her company. So, off to the pet shop she went. She searched and searched. None of the pets seemed to catch her interest, except this ugly frog. As she walked by the jar he was in, she looked and he winked at her.

He whispered, "I'M SO LONELY, TOO. BUY ME AND TAKE ME HOME . YOU WON'T EVER BE SORRY."

The old lady figured, what the heck! She hadn't found anything else. So, she bought the frog. She placed him in the car, on the front seat beside her.

As she was slowly driving down the road, the frog whispered to her "KISS ME AND YOU WON'T BE SORRY."

So the old lady figured, WHAT THE HECK, and kissed the frog.

IMMEDIATELY
the frog turned into an absolutely gorgeous, sexy, young, handsome prince.

THE PRINCE THEN RETURNED THE OL D LADY'S KISS .

SUDDENLY THE OLD LADY FELT HERSELF TRANSFORMING FROM HIS KISS.

THE OLD LADY.......CAN YOU GUESS WHAT SHE TURNED INTO?

COME ON GUESS !

OOOOOOOHHHHHHH COME ON -- DON'T BE A POOP!
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SHE TURNED INTO .
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THE FIRST HOLIDAY INN SHE COULD FIND!!!

She's old.......NOT DEAD!!!!!

A couple had been married for 50 years. They were sitting at the

breakfast table one morning when the wife says, "Just think, fifty years

ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together."

"I know," the old man said. "We were probably sitting here naked as a

jaybird fifty years ago."

"Well," Granny snickered. "Let's relive some old times."

Where upon, the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table.

"You know, honey, " the little old lady told the husband, "My nipples

are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago."

"I'm not surprised," replied Gramps. "One's in your coffee and the

other is in your oatmeal."

I fear it's too late.... I Said, "I fear it's too late"!!

An elderly Essex Lady called 999 to report that her car has been broken

into. She is hysterical as she explains her situation to the Operator:

"They've stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake pedal and even

the accelerator!" she cried. The Operator said, "Stay calm. A Police

car is on the way." A few minutes later, the officer radios in.

"Disregard." He says."She got in the back-seat by mistake."

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FAMILY

Three sisters ages 92, 94 and 96 live in a house together. One night

the 96 year old draws a bath. She puts her foot in and pauses.

She yells to the other sisters, "Was I getting in or out of the bath?"

The 94-year old yells back, "I don't know. I'll come up and see."

She starts up the stairs and pauses "Was I going up the stairs or

down?" The 92 year old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea

listening to her sisters. She shakes her head and says, "I sure hope I

never get that forgetful, knock on wood." She then yells, "I'll come up

and help both of you as soon as I see who's at the door."

________________

"I CAN HEAR JUST FINE!"

Three pensioners, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf one fine

March day. One remarked to the other, "Windy, isn't it?"

"No," the second man replied, "it's Thursday." and the third man chimed

in. "So am I. Let's have a beer."

_________________

SUPERSEX

A little old lady was running up and down the halls in a nursing home.

As she walked, she would flip up the hem of her nightgown and say

"Supersex.." She walked up to an elderly man in a wheelchair. Flipping

her gown at him, she said, "Supersex." He sat silently for a moment or

two and finally answered, "I'll take the soup.

___________________

ROMANCE

An older couple were lying in bed one night. The husband was falling

asleep but the wife was in a romantic mood and wanted to talk. She said:

"You used to hold my hand when we were courting." Wearily he reached

across, held her hand for a second and tried to get back to sleep. A

few moments later she said: "Then you used to kiss me." Mildly

irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek and settled

down to sleep. Thirty seconds later she said: "Then you used to bite my

neck." Angrily, he threw back the bedclothes and got out of bed. "Where

are you going?" she asked. "To get my teeth!"

__________________

DOWN AT THE RETIREMENT CENTER

80-year old Bessie bursts into the rec room at the retirement home.

She holds her clenched fist in the air and announces, "Anyone who can

guess what's in my hand can have sex with me tonight!!" An elderly

gentleman in the rear shouts out, "An elephant". Bessie thinks a minute

and says, "Close enough."

______________________

OLD FRIENDS

Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years,

they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their

activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards.

One day, they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said,

"Now don't get mad at me. I know we've been friends for a long time but

I just can't think of your name! I've thought and thought, but I can't

remember it. Please tell me what your name is." Her friend glared at

her. For at least three minutes she just stared and glared at her.

Finally she said, "How soon do you need to know?"

_______________________

SENIOR DRIVING

As a senior citizen was driving down the Motorway, his car phone rang.

Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Geoffrey, I

just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on the M1,

please be careful!" "Hell," said Geoffrey "It's not just one car. It's

hundreds of them!"

______________________

DRIVING

Two elderly women were out driving in a large car - both could barely

see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to an

intersection. The lights were red, but they just went on through. The

woman in the passenger seat thought to herself "I must be losing it. I

could have sworn we just went through a red light." After a few more

minutes they came to another intersection and the light was red again.

Again, they went right through. The woman in the passenger seat was

almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that

she was losing it. She was getting nervous. At the next intersection,

sure enough, the light was red and they went on through. So, she turned

to the other woman and said, "Mildred, did you know that we just ran

through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us both!"

Mildred turned to her and said, "Oh! Am I driving?"

I needed this to cheer me up - Enjoy!!

Weather: Dull

Sun: trying to shine through the dark clouds but it really looks like it will rain.

So after a night full of dreams again about nothing in particular, I wake up tired, with a sore throat, itchy eyes and nose that is running away. Oh the joys of hayfever.

Taken my medicine like a good girl and now need to get my act together to get to work. Am working all day today, though I don't need to really, but I have a lot to do and the extra hours I will keep for nearer to the end of term so that I can wind down by taken my hours back then.

And yes the countdown has begun it feels like it has been a long term.

In the meantime I am feeling a little like this though the dogs are the ones that get the shock - we don't have any cats!

Right better be off to work now

Have a good day

Hugs x