Spread your wings and fly away

A minister decided to do something a little different one Sunday morning.

He said "Today, in church, I am going to say a single word and you are going to help me preach.

Whatever single word I say, I want you to sing whatever hymn that comes to your mind."

The pastor shouted out "CROSS."

Immediately the congregation started singing in unison,

"THE OLD RUGGED CROSS."!

The pastor hollered out "GRACE." The congregation began to sing

"AMAZING GRACE, how sweet the sound."

The pastor said "POWER." The congregation sang

"THERE IS POWER IN THE BLOOD."

The Pastor said "SEX"...

The congregation fell into total silence.

Everyone was in shock. They all nervously began to look around at each other afraid to say anything.

Then all of a sudden, way from in the back of the church,

a little old 87 year old grandmother stood up

and began to sing "PRECIOUS MEMORIES."

Pass this along and make someone smile today

(I just did).

Gotta Love Little Old Ladies.

This is a story about a popular young Rabbi, who on Sabbath Eve announces to his congregation that he will not renew his contract. He explains that he must move on to a larger congregation that will pay him more.
There is a hush. No one wants him to leave.
Sol Epstein, who owns several car dealerships in the City stands up and proclaims :
"If the Rabbi stays, I will provide him with a new Cadillac every year and his wife with a Honda mini-van to transport their children!"
The congregation sighs in appreciation, and applauds.
Sam Goldstein, a successful entrepreneur and investor, stands and says:
"If the Rabbi will stay on here, I'll personally double his salary, and also establish a foundation to guarantee the college education's of all his children!!"
More sighs and loud applause.
Sadie Goldfarb, age 88, stands and announces with a smile, "If the Rabbi stays, I vill give him sex!"
There is total silence.
The Rabbi, blushing, asks her: "Mrs. Goldfarb, whatever possessed you to say that?"
Sadie's replies:
"Vell, I just asked mein husband how ve could help, and he said, "F... the Rabbi."

A distinguished young woman on a flight from Switzerland asked the Priest beside her, "Father, may I ask a favor?"

"Of course. What may I do for you?"

"Well, I bought an expensive electronic hairdryer that is well over the Customs limits and I'm afraid they'll confisticate it. Is there anyway you could carry it through Customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?"

"I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie."

"With your honest face, Father, no one will question you."

When they got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead of her. The official asked, "Father, do you have anything to declare?"

"From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare."
The official thought this answer strange, so asked, "And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?"

"I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused."

Roaring with laughter, the official said, "Go ahead, Father. Next please."

Living will

Last night, my wife and I were sitting in the living
room and I said to her,

"I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle.

If that ever happens, just pull the plug."

She got up, unplugged the TV and then threw out my beer.

She's Such A Bitch.....

Had a lazy day today. Did manage to pop to the shops and get a few bits and pieces for the hoglet, mainly some of Spikes world dinners, then ironed the school uniforms and that was about all I managed to do. I didn't intend to do much today anyway. We bought Prickles a bigger box for him to sleep in. Weighed him today and he is now 136gms - was a bit worried about this as nig had him down as 167 to start but has since admitted that he guessed the weight as the woman was talking fast and he didn't get it - he can be so helpful sometimes! So I will keep an eye on it as he really has to get to 500g if he has any chance of survival through winter (may have to overwinter him ) Simon has come home with more forms for swimming galas, he doesn't want to go in for them just yet, but the experience will do him good. He isn't competitive at all, but enjoys being part of a club! So that is all I have to say for now, the day has gone far to quickly, and I face another week at work, though not too long a week as I have a funeral on Wednesday to attend Right better be going there is a glass of wine with my name on

Thank you Evelyn, it was beautiful

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