I spent today going through a variety of motions.
I want to cry my heart out
I am finding it hard to be my usual cheerful self
i have lost my bubbly side, it doesn't exsist at the moment.
This time of year is always hard.
I always feel low about now, probably made worse by recent events and yes I should get over it, I know I will but for now I am finding it hard to do so.
Work is crap at the moment. There is no flexibility anymore. Our jobs have been eroded away to the point where we are just listening to readers and taking them swimming. We all feel worthless. We all feel undervalued. we no longer support in class, it isn't necessary according to her, she just wants menial workers, to get rid of the mums that help out from time to time and put TAs in their place doing the work the mums used to willingly do.
We are all feeling fed up.
Yet I can't leave until youngest finishes there, I promised him when I moved him that I would stay till he left.
Usually I fight, usually i think that I will stay and get on her nerves till she leaves, at the moment I really don't feel like I can fight anymore though.
Too low.
Don't care anymore
And there is the feeling of crapness all the time. Not feeling happy, giggly, just want to cry. The feeling of being useless all the time.
The worry of it all.
I sometimes wonder what I would do without the good friends and family I have around me. They don't deserve me being this low and miserable. They really don't.
Sometimes, just sometimes I wonder if it is all worth it.
Comments are closed, sorry but just needed to get this out of my head and down somewhere, not after sympathy afterall most of this is self inflicted.
Normal service will be resumed soon I promise, for now I just need to get my head into gear, get through the next few days in my own way.
Hugs xx
