Spread your wings and fly away

THE 5 ANSWERS FOR MEN WE HAVE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR

Q: WHAT ARE THE SMALL BUMPS AROUND A WOMAN'S NIPPLES FOR?

A: It's Braille for 'suck here'.

Q: WHAT IS AN AUSTRALIAN KISS?

A: It's the same as a French kiss, but 'down under.'

Q: WHAT DO YOU DO WITH 365 USED CONDOMS?

A: Melt them down, make a tyre, and call it a Goodyear.

Q: WHY WERE HURRICANES NORMALLY NAMED AFTER WOMEN?

A: Because when they come, they're wild and wet. But when they go, they take

your house and car with them.

Q: WHY DO GIRLS RUB THEIR EYES WHEN THEY GET UP IN THE MORNING?

A: Because they don't have any balls to scratch.

MOTHER AND DAUGHTER BANNED FOR LIFE FROM DISNEYLAND. This has got to be one of the funniest things going around the computer...............wonder where they got the NERVE?

MOTHER AND DAUGHTER BANNED FOR LIFE FROM DISNEYLAND

YEP - Those are their real boobs!

Three girls, one brunette, one redhead and a blonde all worked in the
same office with the same female boss.

Each day, they noticed that the boss left work early.

One day, the girls decided that, when the boss left, they would leave right behind her. After all, she never called or came back to work, so how would she know they went home early.

The brunette was thrilled to be home early. She did a little gardening,
spent playtime with her son, and went to bed early.

The redhead was elated to be able to get in a quick work-out at the spa
before meeting a dinner date.

The blonde was happy to get home early and surprise her husband, but
when she got to her bedroom, she heard a muffled noise from inside.
Slowly and quietly, she cracked open the door and was mortified to see
her husband in bed with her boss! Gently she closed the door and crept
out of her house.

The next day, at their coffee break, the brunette and redhead planned to
leave early again, and they asked the blonde if she was going to go with
them. "No way," the blonde exclaimed. "I almost got caught yesterday."

Once upon a time there lived a king.
The king had a beautiful daughter, the PRINCESS.

But there was a problem. Everything the princess touched would melt

No matter what;

metal,

wood,

stone,

Anything she touched would melt.

Because of this, men were afraid of her. Nobody would dare marry her.

The king despaired. What could he do to help his daughter?

He consulted his wizards and magicians. One wizard told the king, "If your daughter touches one thing that does not melt in her hands, she will be cured."

The king was overjoyed and came up with a plan next day, he held a competition. Any man that could bring his daughter an object that would not melt would marry her and inherit the king's wealth.

THREE YOUNG PRINCES TOOK UP THE CHALLENGE.

The first brought a sword of the finest steel.

But alas, when the princess touched it, it melted, and the prince went away sadly .

The second prince brought diamonds.

He thought diamonds are the hardest substance in the world and would not melt. But alas, once the princess touched them, they melted. He too was sent away disappointed.

The third prince approached. He told the princess,

"Put your hand in my pocket and feel what is in there."

The princess did as she was told, though she turned red.

She felt something hard. She held it in her hand.

And it did not melt!!!

The king was overjoyed. Everybody in the kingdom was overjoyed. And the third prince married the princess and they both lived happily ever after.

Question: What was in the prince's pants?

(Scroll down for the answer)

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M&M's of course. They melt in your mouth, not in your hand.

What were you thinking??

A father asked his 10-year old son if he knew about the birds and the bees.

"I don't want to know," the child said, bursting into tears. "Promise me you won't tell me."

Confused, the father asked what was wrong.

The boy sobbed, "When I was six, I got the 'There's no Easter Bunny' speech. At seven, I got the "There's no Tooth Fairy" speech. When I was eight, you hit me with the "There's no Santa" speech. If you're going to tell me that grown-ups don't really get laid, I'll have nothing left to live for."

Phonecall "Not feeling well FJ, can you see if the concert is still on because someone has just told me he cancelled an earlier one"

So I duly phoned the NEC in Birmingham to be told the concert was still going ahead.

We head up the motorway to Birmingham, singing along to the cd and putting the world to rights as you do.

Get off the motorway find the NEC easily (first time there) to be told the concert had been cancelled twenty minutes before.

Bugger.

So we then decide to go and get something to eat at the Toby Inn nearby.

Excellent carvery, excellent food, and cheap as well.

After spending an hour or two there we decide to head home.

Motorway is shut off.

Ok never ever been to Birmingham or through it except on the Motorway, but we see a sign for Coventry so we head towards that, my friend trying to follow the route on the map in the dark (no street lights) and me trying not to panic.

However did think that there is a sign post for Coventry on the M1 so obviously we will eventually find a sign post for the M1.

Didn't expect the whole of the audience going the same way though, because the road to Coventry was nose to tail with cars going less than 5 mph.

We had to laugh though, in fact I am sure any driver that passed us must have thought we were total nutcases as we were giggling, because only we could go all the way to Birmingham, a 2 hour drive, on a Friday night for food and come back again!

23 years ago today he died.

Passed away in hospital where he had been rushed into after a routine check up.

He had been on drips and oxygen for the past few days, some infection in the blood.

All those years that he suffered from Malaria, the years where he had one heart attack after another. The triple bypass operation that made him last a few more years, the tablets that kept him alive.

He meant so much to me and there is not a day that doesn't pass where I don't miss him.

42 years ago, as he lay in a hospital bed, after his first heartattack, his daughter told him she was pregnant, fingers crossed behind her back in the hope that she was. He told her he wanted a girl, she promised it would be hoping against hope that it would be, that she was.

All those times he was in hospital, I would visit him, but the last visit I didn't I wanted to remember him without the tubes, without watching him suffering. As I sat in my friends house watching a video i got up to go.

"where are you going?" he asked, concerned.
"home" said I.

I couldn't explain, I just knew he had died at that moment, he was no longer with us, and as I walked home I felt him near me. My mum putting down the phone as I walked in. "I have news" she said, but I knew what it was.

There are great grandchildren that will never get the love that I felt from him, he was not able to see. I know he was there when i had my first child, he was with me, he is here now, I see him in my dreams and feel him around me. He is near, he is with me.

My grandfather, I miss you with everyday that passes.