WHAT CAUSES ARTHRITIS?

A drunk man who smelled like beer, sat down on a subway next to a priest. The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket.

He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes the man turned to the priest and asked, "Say Father, what causes arthritis?" The priest replies, "My Son, it's caused by loose living, being with wicked women, too much alcohol, contempt for your fellow man, sleeping around with prostitutes and lack of a bath." The drunk muttered in response, "Well, I'll be damned," Then he returned to his paper.

The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized. "I'm very sorry. I didn't mean
to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?"

The drunk answered, "I don't have it, Father.

I was just reading here that the Pope does."

Following a post by steve_P

I remembered seeing this on PostSecrets earlier this week and thought it was appropriate.

The following comment was posted on there:

Once I was driving up Pacific Coast Highway on my way to work on a movie set at a mansion on the beach in Malibu. It was a nice day and there was a clunker of a car driving next to me with all the windows open. It was a 'poor' Mexican family. They were all smiling and singing. The father looked kind. The kids looked happy. I saw them and hoped that someday I would be have a rich life like that

Now that is what it should all be about. Not the money oriented society we have become but the fact we can be happy, we can stay clean and we can buy clothes cheaply. Ok they may not last for long, but there is no reason for children to be in shoddy, tatty clothes and unwashed, I see too many of them in school and it breaks my heart.

After 20 years of research and case studies involving 1,500,000 women and 10 men - well you don't need many blokes - test one, test all - the Department of Health, Welfare and Science has determined the following:

Men and Women

Men Are Just Happier People -- What do you expect from such simple
creatures? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack.

You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
You can wear NO shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell you the truth.

The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another petrol station toilet because this one is just too icky. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay.

Wrinkles add character.

Wedding dress £2000. Tux rental-£100.

People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.

The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the time. Phone
conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks.

A five-day holiday requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars.

You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.

Your underwear is £4.95 for a three-pack. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. You almost never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on your face stays its original colour. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.

You only have to shave your face and neck.

You can play with toys all your life. One wallet and one pair of shoes one colour for all seasons. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.

You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache..

You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25
minutes.

No wonder men are happier.

Send this to the women who can handle it and to the men who will enjoy
reading it.

NICKNAMES

If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other
Laura, Kate and Sarah.

If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each
other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes.

EATING OUT

When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in £20, even though it's only for £32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.

When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

MONEY

A man will pay £2 for a £1 item he needs.
A woman will pay £1 for a £2 item that she doesn't need but it's on
sale

BATHROOMS

A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from M&S.

The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A
man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.

ARGUMENTS

A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

CATS

Women love cats.
Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.

FUTURE

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

SUCCESS

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

MARRIAGE

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.

DRESSING UP

A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the bins,answer the phone, read a book, and get the post.

A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

NATURAL

Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

OFFSPRING

Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about
dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favourite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.

A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY

Any married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two
people remembering the same thing.

Smiling Aj's way though if anyone can help it will be grateful

Trying to get rid of the blue at the top of my blog, just underneath where it is red before the postings start.

Fiddled with the CSS thingy, but can't quite seem to get it right.

Any ideas?

Css thingy currently says the following:

/*---------------------------content--------------------------------*/
#content {
width:780px;
margin:0px auto;
}

/*-------------------------middle-----------------------------------*/
#outer-middle {
margin-left:180px;
margin-right:180px;
}

/*-------------------------left/right-------------------------------*/
#outer-left,#outer-right {
width:180px;
padding:0px;
margin:0px
}

#left,#right {
padding:0px;
margin:0px
}

/*----------------------------header-----------------------------*/
#header {
background: url(http://data1.blog.de/blog/design/img/679/2679.jpg) repeat-x bottom left;
background-color:#FF003C;
padding-bottom:240px;
padding-top:120px;
margin:0px auto;
}

#header-text {
margin-left:240px;
margin-right:240px;
}

.description {
color:#0D0104
}

#header-image {
margin:0px;
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/*-------------------------wrap-------------------------------------*/
#wrap{
width:100%;
margin: 0px auto;
}

#topnavbar {
margin-bottom:0px;
}

/*--------------------------module----------------------------------*/

.module {
/*width:180px;*/
background-color:#FEF6F9;
padding-bottom:1px;
border:1px #F2E3E8 solid;
}

Beginning to think it can't be done and I will have to live with it lol

many thanks

First thought this morning upon wakening to the radio was how cold it felt. I really didn't want to get out of bed at all, and from the shadows on the wall in my room, the trees and leaves were being blown around in the wind. Then came the news of flooding, sea defences being breached and the this image comes into my head as a result.

Came downstairs, tripping over various items that had been left lying around, filled the kettle and checked on Prickles the hedgehog. He hasn't eaten his dinner left for him last night, so looks like he may have gone into hibernation, either that or he has died, but don't want to disturb him. Will move him into the shed now I think, just in case and start getting the heater on in the conservatory, because it is really cold in there!

Just watched the postman being blown down the road - bless him!

Anyway the sun shines yet there is a strong wind. my thoughts go out to anyone affected by the winds, hope you are all ok and no damage has been done.

Another thought popped into my head. Last night as I was driving to pick eldest up from swimming, I passed several cars that didn't have lights on. It was dark outside, yet they had no lights, quite dangerous really because if I didn't see you until I passed what chance has someone who is crossing a road got?

Just been to see my youngest child's school assembly, all about remembrance day, which was lovely, he read his piece well which made me feel proud

Right enough rambling, I need a cuppa so that I can warm up and prepare myself for my torture session later - aka getting hair cut!

have a good day