Spread your wings and fly away

WHICH WOULD U CHOOSE?

CAKE OR BED?????

A HUSBAND IS AT HOME WATCHING A FOOTBALL GAME

WHEN HIS WIFE INTERRUPTS,

HONEY, COULD YOU FIX THE LIGHT IN THE HALLWAY?

IT'S BEEN FLICKERING FOR WEEKS NOW.

HE LOOKS AT HER AND SAYS ANGRILY;

FIX THE LIGHT, NOW?

DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE A G.E. LOGO PRINTED ON MY FOREHEAD?

I DON'T THINK SO!

THE WIFE ASKS, WELL THEN, COULD YOU FIX THE FRIDGE DOOR?

IT WON'T CLOSE RIGHT.

TO WHICH HE REPLIED, FIX THE FRIDGE DOOR?

DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE ZANUSSI WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD?

I DON'T THINK SO.

FINE, SHE SAYS THEN YOU COULD AT LEAST FIX THE STEPS TO THE FRONT DOOR?

THEY'RE ABOUT TO BREAK.

I'M NOT A DAMN CARPENTER AND I DON'T WANT TO FIX STEPS, HE SAYS.

DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE ACE JOINERY SERVICES WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD?

I DON'T THINK SO.

I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOU.

I'M GOING TO THE BAR!!!

SO HE GOES TO THE BAR AND DRINKS FOR A COUPLE OF HOURS. HE STARTS TO FEEL GUILTY ABOUT HOW HE TREATED HIS WIFE, AND DECIDES TO GO HOME AND HELP OUT.

AS HE WALKS INTO THE HOUSE HE NOTICES THE STEPS ARE ALREADY FIXED.

AS HE ENTERS THE HOUSE, HE SEES THE HALL LIGHT IS WORKING.

AS HE GOES TO GET A BEER, HE NOTICES THE FRIDGE DOOR IS FIXED.

HONEY, HE ASKS, HOW'D ALL THIS GET FIXED?

SHE SAID, WELL, WHEN YOU LEFT I SAT OUTSIDE AND CRIED. JUST THEN A NICE

YOUNG MAN ASKED ME WHAT WAS WRONG, AND I TOLD HIM. HE OFFERED TO DO ALL THE

REPAIRS, AND ALL I HAD TO DO WAS EITHER GO TO BED WITH HIM OR BAKE A CAKE.

HE SAID, SO WHAT KIND OF CAKE DID YOU BAKE HIM?

SHE REPLIED,

HELLOOOOO....DO YOU SEE DELIA SMITH WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD?
I DON'T THINK SO!

In my not so humble opinion, these are a total waste of time.

Don't get me wrong, some children they do benefit. You get some lovely work that fits in with whatever the learning objective was for that week, by some children.

others just copy, paste and print from the internet.

Some produce beautiful work, but you know they have learnt absolutely nothing because their parents did it all for them.

I personally hate Wednesdays because that is when my sons learning log homework is set.

Now he isn't creative at all. He has problems with drawing so that is out, his writing skills are weak, and he lacks concentration. As he may have dyslexia finding information for him to read is hard. So he struggles. So Wednesdays become a battleground for him to get his work done.

Now he has until Monday to complete the work, but he is out on Thursdays and Fridays in activities which I think are more beneficial and I like my weekends to be free of homework so that we can all do things together, afterall they spend enough time in school working why make them do it over the weekend as well?

So back to Wednesdays where it is fraught, trying to help him while cooking dinner and trying ever so hard not to lose my temper, which quite honestly today is very difficult!

But today I found a way round it. He decided that a spidergram was the order of the day for his homework this week so we knocked one up on the computer, filled it out, printed it, cut it out and stuck it in.

Voila homework done.

If only every week was this easy

Now all I have to do is convince him to learn his spellings, and read to me

A fella goes for a job in the Quality Assurance department at Durex. The foreman takes him 'round the plant and shows him all the machinery and offers him the job. "What will the role entail exactly?" Asks the interviewee. "Well", says the foreman, "you have to check 1 in a hundred", and proceeds to remove one of the rubbers from the production line, stretches it, holds it up to the lights, then places it over his penis and calls the secretary over. She proceeds to hitch her skirt up, pull her knickers down and bends over. The foreman gives her a good rogering. After he's finished he removes the prophylactic, stretches it, holds it up to the light again to confirm no holes. "Easy as that", he says. "When do I start?" Asks the fella, unable to believe his luck." Monday, 8:00 sharp." Naturally, our hero hardly sleeps a wink all Sunday night, and is outside the Durex factory waiting to get in at 6:30. Anyway, the production line starts up and the fella faithfully counts as 100 ribbed black mambo's, (lubricated with sensodol for extra comfort). He picks up the 101st, stretches it, holds it up to the light to check for holes then pulls it over his old man and calls the secretary over. Over she comes, grabs hold of his manhood, and proceeds to rigorously masturbate him. Rather startled and confused, the fella just looks at the secretary who says... "Sorry, company policy. You've got to work a week in hand"

You have to take the first letter of your name, and use it to answer the questions.

1. Famous Singer: Suzi Quatro
2. Four Letter Word: shoe
3. Street that you have been down: Shakespeare Avenue, Willesden
4. Colour that expresses your mental state: Silver
5. Gift/Present you would like to recieve: Special weekend away
6. Type of Vehicle: sport car
7. Things In A Souvenir Shop: spades
8. Boy Name: Simon
9. Girl Name:Susan
10. Favourite Movie Title: sixth sense
11. Alchoholic Drink: shandy
12. Occupation: secretary
13. Famous Celebrity: Sharon Stone
14. Magazine: sports illustrated
15. U.K. City: Salisbury
16. U.S. City: San Francisco
17. Fruit: Strawberry
18. Reason For Being Late For Work: sleeping through alarm
19. Something You Throw Away: scraps
20. Something You Shout: stupid idiot!!!!!!

Dark still outside

Don't like it when there are dark mornings

Trying to decide what to wear this morning in doing my head in. I have run out of trousers, they are waiting patiently to be ironed but I can't be bothered.

Shall I wear a skirt or a dress.

.

Will it be too cold for my legs?

Don't like tights

Mind you I could wear my new boots, but will they kill my feet?

hmm decisions decisions.

Mind you my legs are covered in bites I am sure there are fleas at work. I have checked our dogs and no one at home has been bitten so I am blaming work, after all it is bad for you.

I stink of tea tree oil where I have applied it to the bites on my legs.

Panic attack last night, first one for quite some time, woke up choking and scared the life out of my hubby, all good fun.

Feel tired and sore today though, my throat hurts where I was gagging.

Ah well

better go and empty the wardrobe in the quest to find something to wear

Have a good day xx