A young woman, expecting her first child in 8 weeks times, does some housework and decides to let some air into her house while she works.. Therefore she leaves her back door open.

While she is working away, dusting, tidying and hoovering, a man enters her garden, then her house, with a knife and threatens her.

Fearing for her life, she pleads with him for over 10 minutes. He lunges at her and she puts out her hand in defence to deflect the blow of the knife as it heads towards her face, cutting her hand quite badly in the process.

He bundles her into a room, throws her to the ground and tells her to stay there.

After 10 mins she manages to crawl to the door to see if he has gone, which thankfully he has, so she calls the police and ambulance, who arrive within minutes.

She needs surgery, but they are reluctant to do it until the baby is born. In the meantime she has lost all feeling in her hand as the blade has cut through some nerve endings. They have stitched it for now, all they can do apparently.

All this for a mobile phone and £20.

She is lucky, it could have been worse, but it doesn't make the situation any better.

This took place within a mile from where I live.

Scary!

A guy is browsing in a pet shop and sees a parrot sitting on a little perch. It doesn't have any feet or legs.
The guy says aloud, 'Jeesh, I wonder what happened to this parrot?'

The parrot says, 'I was born this way. I'm a defective parrot.'

'Holy crap,' the guy replies. 'You actually understood and answered me!'

'I got every word,' says the parrot. 'I happen to be a highly intelligent thoroughly educated bird.'

'Oh yeah?' the guy asks, 'Then answer this how do you hang onto your perch without any feet?'

'Well,' the parrot says, 'this is very embarrassing but since you asked, I wrap my weenie around this
wooden bar like a little hook. You can't see it because of my feathers.'

'Wow,' says the guy. 'You really can understand and speak English can't you?'

'Actually, I speak both Spanish and English, and I can converse with reasonable competence on almost any
topic: politics, religion, sports, physics, philosophy.

I'm especially good at ornithology. You really ought to buy me. I'd be a great companion.'

The guy looks at the $20000 price tag. 'Sorry, but I just can't afford that.'

'Pssssssst,' says the parrot, 'I'm defective, so the truth is, nobody wants me cause I don't have any feet. You
can probably get me for $20; just make the guy an offer!'

The guy offers $20 and walks out with the parrot.

Weeks go by. The parrot is sensational. He has a great sense of humor, he's interesting, he's a great pal, he
understands everything, he sympathizes, and he's insightful. The guy is delighted.

One day the guy comes home from work and the parrot goes,
'Psssssssssssst,' and motions him over with one wing. 'I don't know if I should tell you this or not, but it's
about your wife and the postman.'

'What are you talking about?' asks the guy.

'When the postman delivered the mail today, your wife greeted him at the door in a sheer black nightie.'

'WHAT???' the guy asks incredulously. 'THEN what happened?'

'Well, then the postman came into the house and lifted up her nightie and began petting her all over,' reported
the parrot.

'NO!' he exclaims. 'And she let him?'
'Yes. Then he continued taking off the nightie! , got down on his knees and began to kiss her all over....'

Then the frantic guy demands, 'THEN WHAT HAPPENED?'

'Damned if I know. I got a hard-on and fell off my perch!'

If this doesn't make you laugh, you're having a really bad day !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

There are two statues in a park; one of a nude man and one of a nude woman.
They had been facing each other across a pathway for a hundred years, when
one day an angel comes down from the sky and, with a single gesture, brings the two to life.

The angel tells them, "As a reward for being so patient through a hundred
blazing summers and dismal winters, you have been given life for thirty
minutes to do what you've wished to do the most."

He looks at her, she looks at him, and they go running off together behind the shrubbery.

The angel waits patiently as the bushes rustle and giggling ensues.

After fifteen minutes, the two return, out of breath and laughing.
The angel tells them, "Um, you have fifteen minutes left."

The male statue asks the woman statue, "Would you like to do it again?"

"Oh, yes let's," she replies! "But let's change positions. This time, I'll hold the pigeon down, and you shit on its head.

I am so tired.

In the last 48 hours I have had about 6 hours sleep.

I don't do well without my usual 10 hours.

Mind you hubby thought he was helping by sending me to bed early to watch Beowulf in comfort.

Didn't watch all of it though, because I started to doze of so thought I had better pay a visit to the toilet, which woke me up!

Tossed and turned, coughed for England.

Always worse at night.

Ah well better get off to work now, no good sitting here feeling sorry for myself.

Wonder if I phone the doctor today will it give them enough notice to fit me in in two weeks time?

Doubt I will get an emergency appointment!

Have a good day everyone

Hugs xxx