Spread your wings and fly away

Despite my best intentions, trying to lose weight by myself without support is akin to my mother trying to give up smoking.

Something happens and I eat.

something happens and she smokes more.

Good intentions disappear out of the window and no matter how much you try you find that you do not get back on track, there is always tomorrow. In my case tomorrow never comes, the weight just piles back on.

So this evening sees me back at the local fat busters club. The form filling was easy, I have done it before. I smile at the leader who knows me only too well and welcomes me back with a smile and a hug. The scales are not so nice though - I can almost hear them groan as I step on them, the numbers not quite deciding what to settle on and when they do settle they are not good. yes I definitely need to to do this.

I greet old friends. yes old friends, I have been here before we all have. Yes this tells us one thing, diets don't work, but we are all there for the support, the encouragement. I don't think any of us actually takes it seriously, afterall we have all done this before, some keep returning over and over again, one thing that is obvious is the comradeship, the unity as we all strive towards a common goal, to lose weight.

I have a problem. I eat healthily. I eat lots of fruit and veg, very little meat, very little diary and generally I am quite healthy even if the scales tell me I am morbidly obese. There is also the fact that losing weight will mean that I will be able to get into my jeans again, something I am struggling to do at the moment. So if I do all the right things, exercise, eat well, why am I putting on weight?

I am addicted to fresh bread and butter. There it is. I have said it.

Over the last few weeks the amount I have consummed has been vast. It has got out of proportion. I can quite happily eat a whole loaf. I love bread. Unfortunately as we know, a little of what you fancy doesn't hurt. However having vast quantities is not so good. My portion sizes have crept up a bit as well. I like my food. I have always had big meals, but that is not always a good thing.

Some people can control what they eat and howmuch they eat. However that is something that I can't do, never good. Even when I am full I still eat. I am down I eat. Stressed I eat. Happy I eat. A never ending cycle.

That has to end. A few years ago I lost over 3 and a half stone. Most of that I have put back on due to excessive eating. I took the decision a while ago to stop but I need help. So back to fatbusters to get that help and support. I never follow what they do, preferring to do it all my way, but I can follow the healthy guides and up the exercising a bit. the point is to get the support I need, the encouragement to lose what I need until I am back in my jeans, I can get that little black dress back on and most importantly of all feel good about myself once more.

Some people find it easy. I do not. Today is the start of a new me and that, my friends, is what I am going to be, my old self back again.

I am cold

I am freezing.

My feet have lost all sense of feeling in them as they are like ice of blocks.

Even with the added cardigan over my jumper I am shivering.

Oh well the heating had to go on sometime, wasn't planning on yet though!

The child was having a big tantrum in the middle of the shop.

The father, was trying to reason with the child, obviously embarrased that the child was still screaming and pulling things off the shelves. The father, pulled the child by his hand and told him not to do that, that he was being a bad boy and he would have to walk with him holding his hand. He never raised his voice. He wasn't angry. He was just stern.

The child bit his dad's hand.

The father, bent to the child's level, held the child on both arms and said to him, "You will never do that again. That is naughty. Never, ever bite people. Do it again and I will show you how much it hurts, do you understand!"

The child nodded then started to scream again as the father stood up.

"you're hurting me"

"No I am not I am holding your hand. You will not touch things"

A lady approached him and told him she was going to report him for abusing his child.

"I beg your pardon?" the father says to her "What the hell are you talking about?"

"You're hurting him and you threatened to bite him" she says.

"would you rather he stood here pulling things of the shelves and biting people then?" says the dad "anyway I never mentioned that I was going to bite him"

"you implied it" she says, "that is evidence enough"

Now I am not going into details of what he said next apart from the fact words were exchanged, some not so pleasant and all the time the child kept on screaming in the shop and pulling at his dad, refusing to stand and having a right old tantrum.

In truth I thought the father dealt with it well, afterall we have all been there with our children at some point and been driven to distraction but the tantrums ( though when I threw one in a shop in the style of the woman on the adverts that seemed to cure them of that). He never smacked the child. He didn't bite the child. He told the child firmly what would happen and how disappointed he was in him in the style of supernanny! He was firm yes and who was to suggest that he was going to bite his child when he got home, the threat may have meant something else.

And now my head is going into overdrive as to what that could be and it isn't pleasant, though I may be misjudging the situation, afterall it could be something quite innocent who knows?

At no time though did he get angry even when there was a heated discussion, he never raised his voice, he remained calmed even when she was hurling abusive language at him, he just told her that it wasn't necessary for her to swear in front of his child and told her several times to mind her own business.

He walked away, eventually, dragging the child behind him who was still screaming and having a tantrum,telling the child that there were not going to be any treats today because of his behaviour. She went off to find security (who seemed to have made themselves scarce) and to report the abuse of a minor.

I am really glad I didn't take my own child into town today as we often argue, dread to think what I would have been accused of

that is how I have felt today.

Nothing wrong apart from a sore throat and streaming nose, but now I am beginning to feel a little rough.

Not too good when you have a pile of ironing to get through and work to do for tomorrow.

The joys of working hey!