Despite my best intentions, trying to lose weight by myself without support is akin to my mother trying to give up smoking.

Something happens and I eat.

something happens and she smokes more.

Good intentions disappear out of the window and no matter how much you try you find that you do not get back on track, there is always tomorrow. In my case tomorrow never comes, the weight just piles back on.

So this evening sees me back at the local fat busters club. The form filling was easy, I have done it before. I smile at the leader who knows me only too well and welcomes me back with a smile and a hug. The scales are not so nice though - I can almost hear them groan as I step on them, the numbers not quite deciding what to settle on and when they do settle they are not good. yes I definitely need to to do this.

I greet old friends. yes old friends, I have been here before we all have. Yes this tells us one thing, diets don't work, but we are all there for the support, the encouragement. I don't think any of us actually takes it seriously, afterall we have all done this before, some keep returning over and over again, one thing that is obvious is the comradeship, the unity as we all strive towards a common goal, to lose weight.

I have a problem. I eat healthily. I eat lots of fruit and veg, very little meat, very little diary and generally I am quite healthy even if the scales tell me I am morbidly obese. There is also the fact that losing weight will mean that I will be able to get into my jeans again, something I am struggling to do at the moment. So if I do all the right things, exercise, eat well, why am I putting on weight?

I am addicted to fresh bread and butter. There it is. I have said it.

Over the last few weeks the amount I have consummed has been vast. It has got out of proportion. I can quite happily eat a whole loaf. I love bread. Unfortunately as we know, a little of what you fancy doesn't hurt. However having vast quantities is not so good. My portion sizes have crept up a bit as well. I like my food. I have always had big meals, but that is not always a good thing.

Some people can control what they eat and howmuch they eat. However that is something that I can't do, never good. Even when I am full I still eat. I am down I eat. Stressed I eat. Happy I eat. A never ending cycle.

That has to end. A few years ago I lost over 3 and a half stone. Most of that I have put back on due to excessive eating. I took the decision a while ago to stop but I need help. So back to fatbusters to get that help and support. I never follow what they do, preferring to do it all my way, but I can follow the healthy guides and up the exercising a bit. the point is to get the support I need, the encouragement to lose what I need until I am back in my jeans, I can get that little black dress back on and most importantly of all feel good about myself once more.

Some people find it easy. I do not. Today is the start of a new me and that, my friends, is what I am going to be, my old self back again.

diet