Spread your wings and fly away

I have so much to do.

Pile of ironing needs to be done before it is packed into suitcases ready to be piled into the car.

Tomorrow the boys and I are heading off to stay with my Aunt and Uncle for the week just outside Aberystwyth. No idea what our itinery is yet, will decide when we get there. I will pack for all weathers afterall it is Wales we are going to lol!

Expect lots of photos when I get back - must eat now lol

Summer's here, school's out and the weather is rubbish so here is the FF Summer holiday edition!

1. Where are you heading for your holiday this summer?
Sunday I will be driving myself the kids to Wales to spend the week with my beloved Aunt and Uncle

2. Is it going to be a camping, hotel or even a caravan type holiday?

Home from home really though will be throughly spoilt by Aunt

3. Do you travel light or insist on taking 4 suitcases with the kitchen sink in?

Suitcase each!

4. Do you prefer a beach holiday topping up the tan or do you do all the sightseeing you can cram in?

Sightseeing

5. Will you go by train, car, plane or boat?

car

I have spent today filling out numerous online application forms, writing out application forms and delivering them and updating son's cv.

He is trying to find part time work, at least work over the holidays before he goes mental through boredom but either companies (shops) don't reply, acknowledge or just say "we have nothing at the moment or sorry but you have to be 18"

I know we are in recession.

I know jobs are scarce.

However how are young people supposed to gain experience if no one is willing to employ them even if it is just to sweep floors?

On every application form for part time work, it has asked for previous experience. We have written down his experience of working with his dad on jobs that he occasionally helps out on - hubby would rather take him than have an apprentice, son knows more for a start. Some of these so called apprentices are useless, if they had brains they would be dangerous. Ok so not all apprentices are like this, but the ones the firm my hubby works for employs are and they do not like work or getting up early. It is a mystery to me why they still pay them!

I know my first job, not great but a job all the same, was as a cashier in a DIY store. I was 17. I got it through word of mouth. Looking back the pay was crap but at least it meant I could go out and buy things for myself or pay for nights out if I wanted. I didn't have to rely on my parents to pay for me and I must admit as I opened that first wage packet I felt I was rich, the money was all mine and it was a great feeling. Of course getting work experience meant that I could move onto another job from there, once you are in work the easier it was to get other work.

In this case getting that first job is the elusive step of course. A year he has been applying for now. I can see he is getting disheartened already which is not good.

However we will keep trying, one day someone out there will want him to work for them

School trip today which if I wasn't neurotic and ocd before I certainly am now!

I also have a frequent need to wee, which burns and it is getting on my nerves. Yet again, getting a doctor's appointment is nigh on impossible, self diagnosed and treated but it obviously hasn't worked, thinking of going to A&E Hmm.

Sent a member of staff home today as she obviously wasn't well, she text me later to tell me doctor had diagnosed swine flu - great - watch this space.

Got soaked in the rain had huge thunderstorms where we were on school trip as well motorway almost at a standstill what fun!

That was my Friday - how was yours?

I am going to do the proud parent thing now, so you may turn your heads away if it gets too much lol

Youngest came home with his SATS results and school report.

21/2 years ago I had to change schools due to him failing and them failing to diagnose he has dyslexia. He started his new school halfway through year 4, with a maths target of level 1, English below level 1 and Science below level 1.

His final year of primary, Sats results are Maths- level 4, English - level 4, Science - Level 5.

We are so over the moon with him as he is as well. He was disappointed he didn't get a 5 for Maths but as far as I am concerned compared to where he was he has achieved so much in such a short time that really I don't care. It is just so nice to see him feel as though he has done something wonderful rather than feel like a failure.

I am so proud of him right now

A woman comes home and tells her husband, 'Remember those headaches
I've been having all these years? Well, they're gone.'

'No more headaches?' the husband asks, 'What happened?'

His wife replies, 'Angie referred me to a hypnotist & he told me to
stand in front of a mirror, stare at myself and repeat,

I do not have a headache
I do not have a headache
I do not have a headache

Well, it worked! The headaches are all gone.'

'Well, that is wonderful' proclaims the husband.

His wife then says, 'You know, you haven't been exactly a ball of fire
in the bedroom these last few years, why don't you go see the
hypnotist and see if he can do anything for that?'

Reluctantly, the husband agrees to try it.

Following his appointment, the husband comes home, rips off his
clothes, picks up his wife and carries her into the bedroom. He puts
her on the bed and says, 'Don't move, I'll be right back.'

He goes into the bathroom and comes back a few minutes later and jumps
into bed and makes passionate love to his wife like never before.

His wife says, 'WOW! - that was wonderful!'

The husband says, 'Don't move! I will be right back.'

He goes back into the bathroom, comes back and round two was even
better than the first time.

The wife sits up and her head is spinning 'OH MY GOD' she proclaims.

Her husband again says, 'Don't move, I'll be right back.'
With that, he goes back in the bathroom.

This time, his wife quietly follows him in the bathroom, she sees him
standing at the mirror and saying .....

She's not my wife
She's not my wife
She's not my wife'

His funeral service will be held Saturday....

I, MAXINE, being of sound mind and body, do not wish to be kept alive indefinitely by artificial means. Under no circumstances should my fate be put in the hands of pinhead politicians who couldn't pass ninth-grade biology if their lives depended on it, or lawyers / doctors interested in simply running up the bills. If a reasonable amount of time passes and I fail to ask for at least one of the following:

Glass of wine

Chocolate

Margarita

Chocolate

Martini

Chocolate

Chicken fried steak

Cream gravy

Chocolate

Mexican food

Chocolate

French fries

Chocolate

Pizza

Chocolate

Ice cream

Cup of coffee

Chocolate

Chocolate

Sex

Chocolate

. . . it should be presumed that I won't ever get better.

When such a determination is reached,

I hereby instruct my appointed person and

attending physicians to pull the plug,

reel in the tubes,

let the 'fat lady sing,'

and call it a day!

Please read to fully appreciate the time and effort that
this guy takes to help his wife !

It is important for men to remember that, as women grow older,it becomes harder

for them to maintain the same quality of housekeeping as when they were younger.

When you notice this, try not to shout at them.
Some are over-sensitive and there's nothing worse than an over-sensitive woman.

My name is Rod.
Let me relate how I h and led the situation with my wife,Tricia.
When I took early retirement last year, it became necessary for
Tricia to get a full-time job for the extra income that we need.

Shortly after she started working, I noticed she was beginning to show her age.
I now usually get home from the pub about the same time she
gets home from work. Although she knows how hungry I am,
she nearly always says she has to rest for half an hour or so before
she starts dinner. I don't shout at her, instead I tell her to
take her time and just wake me when she gets dinner on the table.
I generally have lunch at the pub so eating out again is out of the question.
I'm ready for some home cooked food when I get in!

She used to do the dishes as soon as we finished eating.
But now it's usual for them to sit on the table for several hours after dinner.
I do what I can by diplomatically reminding her several times
each evening that they won't clean themselves.
I know she really appreciates this, as it does seem to motivate her
to get them done before she goes to bed.

Another symptom of ageing is complaining. For example, she
will say that it is difficult for her to do the shopping during her lunch hour.

But we take them for better or worse, so I just smile and offer encouragement.
I tell her to stretch it out over two or even three days.
That way she won't have to rush so much.
I also remind her that missing lunch completely now and then won't hurt her.
I like to think tact is one of my strong points.

When doing simple jobs, she seems to think she needs more rest periods.
She has to take a rest when she has only half finished mowing the lawn
and several extra breaks when she's vacuuming through the house.
It does annoy me, vacuuming when I'm trying to watch 'Matchof the Day',
but I try not to make a scene.
I'm a fair man.

I tell her to make herself a nice cup of tea and just sit for a while and as long as
she is making one for herself, she may as well make one for me too.

I know that I probably look like a saint in the way I support Tricia.
I'm not saying that showing this much consideration is easy.
Many men will find it difficult.
Some will find it impossible!
Nobody knows better than I do how frustrating women get as they get older.

However, even if you just use a little more tact and less criticism of
your ageing wife because of this article, I will consider that writing
it was well worthwhile.
After all, we are put on this earth to help each other.

EDITOR'S NOTE:

Rod died suddenly last week. He was found with a 24-inch Stanley
screwdriver rammed up his a*se with only 2 inches showing.

His wife Tricia was arrested, but the all-woman jury
accepted her defence that he accidentally sat on it!!

THIS IS A STORY ABOUT A COUPLE WHO HAD BEEN
HAPPILY MARRIED FOR YEARS.
THE ONLY FRICTION IN THEIR MARRIAGE WAS THE HUSBAND'S
HABIT OF FARTING LOUDLY EVERY MORNING WHEN HE AWOKE. THE NOISE WOULD WAKE HIS WIFE AND THE SMELL WOULD MAKE HER EYES WATER AND MAKE HER GASP FOR AIR.

EVERY MORNING SHE WOULD PLEAD WITH HIM TO STOP RIPPING THEM OFF BECAUSE IT WAS MAKING HER SICK.

HE TOLD HER HE COULDN'T STOP IT AND THAT IT WAS PERFECTLY NATURAL.
SHE TOLD HIM TO SEE A DOCTOR, SHE WAS CONCERNED THAT ONE DAY HE WOULD BLOW HIS GUTS OUT.

THE YEARS WENT BY AND HE CONTINUED TO RIP THEM OUT. THEN ONE CHRISTMAS DAY MORNING, AS SHE WAS PREPARING THE TURKEY FOR DINNER AND HE WAS UPSTAIRS SOUND
ASLEEP, SHE LOOKED AT THE INNARDS, NECK, GIZZARD, LIVER AND ALL THE SPARE PARTS, AND A MALICIOUS THOUGHT CAME TO HER.

SHE TOOK THE BOWL AND WENT UPSTAIRS
WHERE HER HUSBAND WAS SOUND ASLEEP AND, GENTLY PULLING THE BED COVERS BACK, SHE PULLED BACK THE ELASTIC WAISTBAND OF HIS UNDERPANTS AND EMPTIED THE BOWL OF TURKEY GUTS INTO HIS SHORTS..

SOME TIME LATER SHE HEARD HER HUSBAND WAKEN WITH HIS
USUAL TRUMPETING WHICH WAS FOLLOWED BY A BLOOD CURDLING SCREAM AND THE SOUND OF FRANTIC FOOT STEPS AS HE RAN INTO THE BATH ROOM.

THE WIFE COULD HARDLY CONTROL HERSELF AS SHE ROLLED ON THE FLOOR LAUGHING, TEARS IN HER EYES! AFTER YEARS OF TORTURE SHE RECKONED SHE HAD GOT HIM BACK PRETTY GOOD.

ABOUT TWENTY MINUTES LATER, HER HUSBAND CAME DOWNSTAIRS IN HIS BLOODSTAINED UNDERPANTS WITH A LOOK OF HORROR ON HIS FACE.

SHE BIT HER LIP AS SHE ASKED HIM WHAT WAS THE MATTER. HE SAID, 'HONEY YOU WERE RIGHT.' 'ALL THESE YEARS YOU HAVE WARNED ME AND I DIDN'T LISTEN TO YOU'.

'WHAT DO YOU MEAN?' ASKED HIS WIFE.

'WELL, YOU ALWAYS TOLD ME THAT ONE DAY I WOULD END UP FARTING MY GUTS OUT, AND TODAY IT FINALLY HAPPENED.

BUT BY THE GRACE OF GOD, WITH SOME VASELINE AND TWO FINGERS. I THINK I GOT MOST OF THEM BACK IN

Lost a friend from my list and have no idea who it is, maybe because I haven't looked closely enough!

Whoever you are hope you are ok

Hugs x

If your computer does this when copying a file...

You KNOW it's been infected with some bad shit.

Have a good day

SEVEN THINGS YOU WILL FIND IN YOUR ROOM:
1. My bed
2. Lots of books
3. Lots of shoes
4. Too much makeup
5. Telly
6. Cable box
7. Large teddy bear

SEVEN RELATIONSHIP QUESTIONS:
1. Do You Like Anyone? - Yes
2. Does Someone Like You? - I certainly hope so!
3. Last Kiss? - This morning
4. Been Lead On? - Yes
5. Been Cheated On? - No
6. Want A Relationship? - Got one
7. Want to Get Married? - Already am

SEVEN OTHER THINGS - DO YOU...
1. Believe In God? - Yes
2. Had A Dream Come True? - Yes
3. Read The Newspaper? - Skim freebie when it comes
4. Get Enough Sleep Everyday? - Yes
5. Have A Best Friend? - Yes
6. Take A Bath Daily? - No I shower daily
7. Wish On Stars? -Yes

SEVEN HAVE YOU EVERS
1. Fallen In Love? - Yes
2. Kissed Someone Of The Same Sex? - No
3. Hooked Up With Someone Who Had A BF/GF? - Yes
4. Been To A Bonfire? - Yes
5. Ran Away From Home? - No
6. Played Strip Poker? - No
7. Pulled An All Nighter? - Yes

SEVEN THINGS IN THE LAST 24 HOURS HAVE YOU:
1. Cried? - No
2. Had Fun? - Yes
3. Been Kissed? - Yes
4. Felt Stupid? -Yes
5. Talked To An Ex? - No
6. Missed Someone? - No
7. Listened To Music? - Yes

SEVEN THINGS ON YOUR MIND:
1. Diet
2. Work
3. Coursework
4. Whether to do the ironing or not
5. Remember to write out anniversary card
6. Bedtime
7.How I should do some housework!!

SEVEN THINGS YOU CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT:
1. My children
2. My husband
3. My books
4. My laptop
5. My slow cooker
6. My dogs
7. Money

After booking our quiz team Christmas meal at the Strathmore hotel, which is where we went last year and had so much fun, I decided I was going to be totally organised this year and not leave it to the last minute to get my outfit.

This was helped by one of my catalogues sending me a voucher due to a mix up with an order and so, in one of my online retail therapy sessions, I ordered this as I liked it so much. It fits nicely and will look ven better once I have got rid of my fat arms (ha ha). Today, out looking for the outfit for this murder mystery evening we have planned next week, there I am in New Look and these lovely shoes call me over which will be ideal for the killer heels look for next week as well as for the Xmas do. We will ignore the fact that walking in them will either kill me or I will fall over head over tits so to speak. I managed to stagger in the shop with them on and hubby did tell me that they made me look taller (no kidding) and I will get used to the height! Think I may have to take them off for dancing though lol

I also bought a black linen skirt for next week and a white top as well. The plan is to wear a very enticing black bra, one that pushes everything up and hopefully give a bit of cleavage underneath the top. No I am not one that will wear a black bra under a white top, I hate that in fact, but as I have to dress up as a barmaid and the brief says "she wears a black skirt and a white top that shows off her bra as well as her middrift" I decided to hide middrift and just show off the bra instead. To compensate for this, unbeknownst to hubby, I have added to my bra collection by ordering quite a few from figleaves and next in the hope I find one that does what it says on the tin so to speak

I also bought another blouse and two tops that I saw in a sale or on special offer in Hemel so feel relatively pleased at my little spending spree. Shame I spent the tv licensing money but I am sure I can be nice enough to hubby to replace that lol Unfrtunately can't post a picture of the first top I bought as it is from H&M and doesn't seem to have a website the other two were from marks and sparks

An invite comes through:

Hi really like your blog hope you will add me to your friends list.

So I check them out and guess what?

Yes Swarmmmmy the troll and desperate friend collecter is on this person's list.

I have declined the invite, not going to go there

My youngest son visits highschool today. He gets to spend the day there, meeting his new form teacher and getting used to his new classmates ready for September.

He is very excited.

I have thought of every obstacle imaginable. As I won't be here when he leaves for school, I have to be at work by 8 and as the high school is only round the corner he will not be leaving until 8.20, his brother is going to walk him to the bottom of the road and make sure he is facing the right direction to get to high school. This is a necessity as he gets lost going to his bedroom sometimes (ok slight exaggeration, but anyone who has a child with dyslexia that has dyspraxic tendencies will understand where I am coming from here )

Knowing the school is going to be undergoing building works in September, under the Building schools for the future scheme, thus becoming portacabin city for at least a year, is not helping to ease my fears. Oh I know he will get on fine and find his feet and work his way round and I am just being paranoid. I didn't go through all this with my eldest probably because he is the confident one,nothing fazes him, whereas the youngest gets confused easily, comes across as confident but really is not that confident at all.

It will all be fine, he will be ok, but I wouldn't be a mum if I didn't worry

In other news, it is far too hot to work in a very hot classroom all day, not looking forward to that at all. Yesterday I was dripping, which is not a good look. I hope it is like this over the summer holidays though, nothing worse than working in weather like this and finding that it rains for 6 weeks! Weekend isn't looking too good though!

have a good day xx